Letters From Society's Creation

Letter Thirty Three

It's easier to give advice than take it.

Hello, love. Anything new? Nothing is really new with me, just the same old sad story of teenager. I've been so sick lately and nothing is making me better. I tried staying home from school, sleeping all day, taking all different medicines, yet nothing has helped. I actually think I'm getting worse. Maybe it's the seasons approaching. Winter usually brings trouble with it, my worst months. I won't worry about winter yet though, since it is months away. It's just probably the thought that is making me feel like this. The fact I'll be stuck inside day after day.

Anyway.

My family, mostly my mother, is expecting so much out of me lately. They're expecting me to keep my school grades up, find a job, go to confirmation classes, go to drivers ed classes, and make it to all my field hockey practices after school and my games. On a regular day with just school and field hockey, I never get home until 6 at night (if there is a game, then not until 9 at night). Now add in drivers ed, confirmation, and a job? Oh, and you can't forget about homework. I am just one person. Let alone, I am only 16. Yes, I'm growing up to be a young adult, but still, that's a lot for one person. My family doesn't even do all of that. They just go to work for 8 hours a day. Everything is wearing me out. I'm sick and depressed constantly. I don't get cut a break anywhere I go. Life is just always throwing me around, you know?

I also received a message on my phone from my father and younger sister. Now, normally I would be excited to hear from them but it did nothing but upset me. They were so happy and cheerful. I envy it quite a bit. Don't get me wrong, I love my little sister so much, but how come my father decided she was better than me? What separated her from me? Why did he leave when I was born, but stick around for her? I did nothing to him. I love him so much, yet he chose her over me. He chose to start a new life, as if I ruined his. I just want to know why and what I did...but I guess I'll never know. I'm happy my little sister has a happy life, that's how a childhood should be. I just wish I had a happy childhood to look back on.

Have you ever had to hide your feelings? I have to all the time. If I'm happy, my family seems to complain "Why are you so happy? You're life is way too easy. Wait until you get to the real world." And when I'm sad my family says "Why are you sad. You're life is perfect. Try being happy for once." No matter what I do, it never is right. I can't even turn to my boyfriend when I'm sad, because when I do, he feels like it's his fault. I tell him it's not his fault but he doesn't listen. He says it's his responsibility to make me happy and make sure I'm okay. I know he's just trying to be a good boyfriend, but he doesn't have to take offense to my sadness. It's no ones fault but my own. So instead, I just stay quite. I smile when I'm with him and that's all that matters, I guess.

I wish I could be with you right now though, my dear. I just want to sit with someone and talk. I don't want to talk about anything in particular, I just want to talk. Talk about whatever comes to mind. A happy, friendly conversation about anything or even nothing. A random, yet caring conversation, if that makes sense to you. I just really want that right now, to sit down with you, talk, and forget about everything else for awhile.

Forever your friend,

Alex