Letters From Society's Creation

Letter Twenty Four

Hello, love.

How are you today? I'm doing quite alright. The sun is shining here where I am, so I am pleased.

Since my last letter a few days ago, things have changed. I had field hockey practice all last week from 8 in the morning until 4 in the afternoon. Practice was really hard on my body and I found myself asleep every night right after dinner. I love playing field hockey though, it makes me extremely happy. Do you play any sports, darling?

Besides field hockey being rough on me, I also had caught viral conjunctivitis from one of my team mates. My eyes were in so much pain, being blood shot from this. I'm on medication right now though so it is helping a lot. I also had gotten my period this week making me not as happy and energetic. I tried to be as happy as I could this week and I did have my moments of happiness but I found myself Thursday evening crying. I am so disappointed in myself to admit I self harmed. It was just one cut to my left arm, just deep enough to bleed out a bit. I cleaned it and took good care of it afterwards. I'm so sorry though.

Thursday was just hard on me. I was already tired from field hockey, feeling icky from my period, my eyes were in pain, and to top it off my mother had gone on a rant about me and I just couldn't stand it any longer. I'm so sorry.

Forgive me, please.

I do though, have some good news to tell you, love. I have a boyfriend. Remember the guy I told you about in my last letter? Not my best friend, but the other one? Yeah, well he asked me to be his girlfriend and I accepted. For one, I think it's a good idea to give him a chance and be with him. My best friend, is my best friend. If we are meant to be then it will happen but for right now my heart is telling me to be with the other guy. I am happy with my choice.

Are you excited for school to be starting again? To be frank with you, I want summer to end but I don't want school to start. That probably doesn't make much sense but it does to me. See, during the summer, I find myself alone more often. When I am alone, I tend to do harmful things to myself. At least during the school year, I have homework and school things to keep me busy and occupied. As for tonight, I find myself alone. That is why I came to you, love. I wanted to talk to someone. My family went away for the night without me. That's kind of sad isn't it? My own family left for the night to go to a beach house and I am stuck at home alone. I'll probably just catch up on my school reading for the summer, or work on my writing.

Depression has taken me far away this summer. I have seen life a whole new way. My views towards certain things have completely changed, just as I have. I have before me a quote that reads "Sadness is like a drug. It takes you away from reality and makes you see it in a whole new way". I have learned a lot in these past few summer months. For one, you can't rely on anyone to bring yourself happiness. You have to go out and achieve it yourself. You are your own person, you bring your own fate. You can change for the better and you can change for the worse. It is your job to take the bad and turn it into something good. I may sound like a hypocrite considering I take the bad and sometimes make more bad with it, but I am nothing more than a growing and learning adolescent. My path may be a bit rocky but everyone needs to learn how to get up after they fall.

Anyway, before I bid you adieu, I am going to leave you the wise words from my favorite song, Roger Rabbit by Sleeping With Sirens.

Is there a right way for how this goes?
You've got your friends
And you've got your foes
They want a piece of something hot
Forget your name like they forgot
Oh, ain't that something?

Some wanna see you crash and burn
And criticize your every word
I'm trying to keep from going insane
Ain't that the way of this whole damn thing
Oh, trying to be something more

Nobody's gonna love you if
You can't display a way to capture this
Nobody's gonna hold your hand
And guide you through
No it's up for you to understand
Nobody's gonna feel your pain
When all is done
And it's time for you to walk away
So when you have today
You should say all that you have to say
Say all that you have to say

Is there a right way for being strong?
Feels like I'm doing things all wrong
Still I'm here just holding on
Confess my heart and forgive my wrongs.
Oh, just trying to show you something more

Nobody's gonna love you if
You can't display a way to capture this
Nobody's gonna hold your hand
And guide you through
It's up for you to understand
Nobody's gonna feel your pain
When all is done
And it's time for you to walk away
When you have today
You should say all that you have to say

Don't point the blame when you can't find nothing
Look to yourself and you might find something
It's time that we sorted out
All of the things we complain about
So listen close to the sound of your soul
Take back a life we led once before
If it ain't you then who?...
If it ain't you then who's gonna love you?

Nobody's gonna love you if
You can't display a way to capture this
Nobody's gonna hold your hand
And guide you through
It's up for you to understand
Nobody's gonna feel your pain
When all is done
And it's time for you to walk away
When you have today
You should say all that you have to say
So when you have today
Say all that you have to say