Tris is Alive: Aftermath

Chapter 38

Tris POV

    I knock on Christina's and Caleb's door and my heart is racing. Coming here was a quick decision, I know if I thought about it too much then I would have not come. Tobias and I talked about my mental state, we both decided that it was best to acknowledge my past and not avoid it anymore. It's difficult to confront everything but I know to get better I have to learn to accept my past and forgive myself. First thing I need to do is mend my old friendships and relationships with my friends. There's a lot of unspoken words between me and them, but as long as I try... that's what matters.

    Caleb opens the door and you could see the shock on his face, "Beatrice!" He quickly pulls me in his arms, embracing me in a tight hug. This is the first time since the day I came back that I'm seeing them, like I said I could tell they were upset with me being gone and not telling them. As he pulls away I look into his eyes and see the pain in them. I feel a twinge of pain but I try to ignore it for now, I can't let emotion overtake me now. We walk in together and I see Christina sitting on the couch, as if she knew I was coming.

    "Four?" I ask as she nods, I knew he would at least call one of them preparing them for my arrival. He was going to come with me but we decided last second that it would be best if I did this alone. I sit down and look at Christina who hasn't broken eye contact with me the whole time. Caleb sits next to me, holding my hand to make sure I'm not alone. It actually says a lot that Caleb is sitting on my side, he's sitting by his sister rather than his girlfriend. "So..." I start, not sure on where to start. "It's been awhile." Christina says, I nod "Yes... it has been." She crosses her arms, "Why? Why have you been gone so long?" I tighten my grip on Caleb's hand, "There's been a lot going on..."

    She leans forward, "What has been going on?" I shrug as she sighs, "Tris how do you expect for things to get better when you hide things from us? No one can help you if you don't tell us what's going on." I can already feel the tears starting, "Ever since I've came back everything has changed. I lost my friends, I don't have a plan for the future, I can't shake off the memories of things I've been through, and I'm completely lost with my life. Every night I have nightmares, all about different things. My parents, Will, Tori, dying. Everyone here is mad that I didn't come back, people there are mad that I chose to left them... I can't make anyone happy."

    Caleb wraps his arm around me as tears start streaming down my face, Christina gets up and sits next to me, holding my hand. "Are you going back again? Are you going to leave us?" I wipe my eyes, "I didn't choose to leave, I woke up and they told me that they told you that I died. They wouldn't let me see you guys or get in contact, I was lucky enough to visit Four. If I would have told him the truth they would have erased your memories. I couldn't put you guys at risk, I had to watch you all move on with your lives while I was stuck." She wraps her arms around me and we both start crying together.

    All of the pain of the past few years, all coming out. The three of us cry for awhile then Christina clears her throat, "Tris I can't imagine what you have been through, there's still so much that we don't know. It wasn't fair for any of us to just assume that you didn't want to come back. It's just a hard mindset to break after believing it for so long. I think I can speak for the both of us in saying there is still some anger there" She looks at Caleb who doesn't protest against her words, she continues "But you are our best friend. We both love you and want to see the best for you. I know they are offering some help..." She drifts off in her words as I nod, "I already am getting treatment, Four and I talked about it and decided it was best for me to seek professional help. With all the nightmares and thoughts... I'm not in the best mental state right now... but I know I can be better."

    We all talk for awhile, getting a better understanding of each other and talking through all of our feelings. We all get pretty emotional, letting all of the emotions come out. By the time I leave we all are on better terms and I actually feel a little better. Caleb told me I was dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Depression, both can become bearable with time. For the first time in awhile, I feel hope.

5.12.16

A/N; I have officially prewritten the rest of this book, it will end at chapter 50! The only thing I can say is...... SORRY.

<4