Imprinted to be Yours

A Touch and Dream of Truth

Inspired by Back in December - Taylor Swift 

I couldn't believe what Ness had just said. I must have replayed her words over a million times in my head. I just couldn't believe it. I didn't know what to say or think or do. Never had I thought she would do this to me. I just stared at her in silence, shaking my head in disbelief. I was in shock. I didn't feel like I could move or speak. I wasn't angry or upset, I was blank. My whole mind was, but at the same time, millions of thoughts and questions were racing through my head at the same time. 

Ness cried into my shoulder until she realised I wasn't saying anything or even holding her. She looked up to me with tears in her eyes. "Jacob say something, please," she sobbed, touching the side of my face.  

My eyes narrowed as I met her gaze. "Why, Ness? Why did you do this to me? To us? I thought . . . you loved me," I murmured. Suddenly reality was starting to hit me.  

"I do. You know I do . . . it was just, the heat of the moment Jacob. That's it. It didn't mean anything," she sobbed. 

I shook my head. "That's not good enough Ness. That doesn't justify it one bit and you know it!" I took a step away from her when she caught my hand, stopping me. "You know how it is Jacob, the heat of the moment. It takes you," she whimpered, begging. 

I shook my head again. "No, I don't Ness. I waited for you and still was when you left. Guess I was the stupid one though huh?" I turned my back, yanking my hand out of her grip. The heat in my spine was starting to rise as the trembling took over my body while walking away. 

"Jacob stop! Let me explain," Ness shouted, but I didn't. I had heard more than enough. Nothing she said now could make things better. The only thing which could have made this better was if this was some kind of nightmare for a dream, but I knew better than to think that.  

I kept walking back towards La Push when I heard a sudden sound of wind go past me. I looked up and saw Ness standing in front of my path with her arms out, stopping me from moving any further without walking around her. I shook my head with narrowed, glassy eyes. I stared to the side away from her, not wanting to show the tears in my eyes. "Why are you even trying to make it all better Ness? You chose him, not me," I whispered huskily. When she realised I wasn't going to make a run for it, she walked up to where I was standing and placed a kiss on my kiss. "Jacob, I was mess without you. I wasn't thinking clearly. I didn't go to school. I didn't even go out hunting or ate anything Jake. I just wanted you. Dad brought over Nahuel thinking maybe if I made a friend or something, things would get better. All it did though was remind me of you - his warmth, his laugh, his brightness. I only realised what I had done afterwards Jacob. When I was with Nahuel, it was like I was with you again, just not the same. I wasn't mentally stable Jacob. Ask dad, ask mum, Alice, Emmett, anyone. I was worse than when dad left mum, and you, better than anyone would remember that."  

I shook my head again. "Still doesn't justify things Renesmee. I really didn't think you were like that. I'm sorry, but, it's over," I said huskily and kept on walking quickly before starting to run for home. I didn't want to hear any more of it. The more Ness tried to justify it, the worse it seemed to get.  

I went over it in my mind a thousand times, trying to make things seem better than they were. In my own head I tried to justify things too, but nothing I did worked. What Ness had done had broken all feelings I had for her, imprints or not I didn't feel the same way towards her as I had. 

As I lay back against my mattress, I stared up at the ceiling, deep in my thoughts. She had to know who William's father was. She had to know. If she didn't, Carlisle or Bella had to have kind of guess. And if she thought William was Nahuel's, why did she name him with my father's name? Nothing made sense. I still didn't understand how she could be with Nahuel if she truly loved me. Maybe Ness felt obligated to be with me because of the imprint. . . maybe she didn't love me like she had said. . . but that didn't explain the wave of passion she had showed me our first night together. I sighed so confused with not knowing what to think or believe. I stared across my room at the wall with blind eyes. Even if she had been in a bad mental state like Bella had with Edward when he left, did it justify what she had done? In my mind, no, it didn't. But when in that state of mind, could you make decisions and know right from wrong? I didn't know. I truly didn't, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to know. I wondered if Edward had any influence upon Nahuel when he got him to visit Ness. He more than anyone would have known what Ness was thinking.