He Doesn't Even Know I'm Alive! | version 1

15: GO ASK!

I sat on my bed crying. It's been 6 months. Since he started dating Jenna. Wait. It's been 17 years. So it's been 17 years and I'm still not over him. 17 years and 6 months. Nat came to check on me. "Was it Riker?" She asks. I nod.
"It's been nearly 18 years and I still like him. He said I have to get over him but I can't!" I say.
"He's being stupid. Lay down for a bit and then we can eat some food" I thank her and she went. I crept down to the stairs and started eaves dropping in Riker and Rocky.
"Riker go ask her!" Rocky urges him
"Rocky I can't!"Riker sighs
"And why can't you?" Rocky asks
"I just told her we're only friends"
"What do you love about Lena?"
"Everything. I just want her to be mine"
Oh my god. Riker likes me back. But why didn't he ever admit is before?
And it hurt ever more because he can't admit it. He still likes Jenna. I went back to my room and cried more. I've never lied to Riker. Well I did a few times but it was always me saying I'm Fine or I'm Not Cutting which is pretty minor of you ask me! Someone knocked on my bedroom door.
"Come in" I say wiping my eyes.
and guess who came in? Riker Lynch
"Are you sorry for liking me back?" I say. He put a hand over his mouth.
"You heard?" He asks. I nod.
"Lena-" I cut him off, as I'm pissed.
"No don't Lena me! You lied to me!  How long has this crushing been going on for!?" I ask. He played with his nail.
"Uhm...17 years and a half"
"I cannot believe you" I say walking past him and out of the door.
"No Lena please!" He begs.
"Why would you lie for that long!?"
"I was scared to tell you" he says
"Why'd you date Jenna?" I ask.
"To get over you. It didn't work"
"So you used my bully to get over me"
That made it hurt more.
"I can't do this" I say running out of the door and down the stairs. I ran out of the house. To get away from Riker.

I went to park. Not the normal park you go to everyday. A different park.
Me and Riker used to go there all the time. I still go now. I sat on the rocks and cried more. It was worse though. I couldn't stop. I was trying to be quiet. I looked at my arms. The cuts were all faded. I can't. I can. I can't. I can.

Riker would feel bad.

But he would get angry.

What if he hurts me?

Not emotionally, but physically.

I cried more and then I stepped on something. A nail. (The screw one). I picked it up and slid it across my arm.
I cried harder. I felt really bad. But I just wanted to do this. I slid it again bit faster making me cry out in pain. I did another. I was about to do number four when a voice yelled.
"WHAT ARE YOI DOING!?" I stood up and Riker was running towards me.
He stopped in front of me and noticed my tears and my bloody arms.
"I just- i thought- I was- " I stutter.
I started crying again. Rikers going to walk away. And leave me. But he didn't. He wrapped his arms round me and hugged me. I was getting blood everywhere though. He sat on the rock, me on his lap. I cried more. This time I didn't even know why I was crying.
"Lena" I look at Riker and BAM!
We're kissing. I held him close to me like he was mine. I wish he was.
"Is that Riker from r5!?" Some girl yell
"Crap" he mutters pulling away
"Is that Lena?" One girl shouts.
"OMG RENA!" They scream. I laugh.
Riker gave me his black hoodie to wear to cover my cuts. I wiped my eyes quick and the fans ran over. We talked to them and had a laugh. They ran off and I looked at Riker. "What?" He asks.
"Can we go home?" I ask. He nods.
He picked me up, even though I told him not to, and took my to his car. We went back to my place and Nat was trying to call someone. "Lena!"
She ran and hugged me. I winced because of the cuts but hugged back.
"are you okay?" She asks.
"Yeah I was just feeling sick" I say
"Oh then we can't go to the mall"
I didn't want to go anyway.
"Hey why don't you go see Rocky while me and Lena hang?" Riker asks.
"There's lip gloss around your mouth Riker. And okay" she agrees. Me and Riker both blush. Nat hugs both of hd.
"RENA FOREVER!" She yells leaving.
I sat on the couch quietly. Riker sat next to me. He took hold of my hand.
"Why did you cut?" He asks.
"I don't know" I mumble
"Don't be like that" he says.
"OKAY FINE! You know why!? I FELT WORTHLESS! I FELT LIKE CRAP! I FELT LIKE NOTHING! I just want to be dead okay!? I'm sick and tired oF EVERYTHING!" I shout.
"Oh" he says.
"Oh indeed!" I reply.
"why didn't you talk to me?" He asks
"Riker you made it clear we were just friends and were never going to be Rena. I can't talk to the guy I love about my feelings for him when he dosent even feel the same way about me" I say
"But I do feel the same way" he protests
"But you hid it from me for 17 years! Okay I know I did to but when I told you how I felt, you broke me!"
"Lena please don't be upset!"
"Oh I'm not upset! I am PISSED OFF! and lots of other things!" I exclaim
"Like?" He asks. I didn't reply. I leaned my head on the arm rester of the couch and closed my eyes. All I wanted was Riker to be mine. And all this happens.