My Rants And Poems + All About My Books

Voices

As stated in the previous chapter. This is the one I ended up performing for the class. I was going to do the first one but then I was like no.. I want to do something darker so I wrote this in like a day, did my visual aide (a poster board that I drew a mirror and bloody scribbles on) at like 2 in the morning and presented it sometime later... So like the other assignment, it was whatever I wanted as long as I used at least 5 different Literary Devices (I used more).

Fun Fact: Since I was in speech and such I learned to really get into character and thought it was a good idea to memorize most of it so I wouldn't have to look at the paper so much. Couple that with really getting into character (a mentally disturbed man), the fact that I was really nervous and couldn't stop visibly shaking (she was a really tough teacher and it was hard to get A's), coupled with me faking twitching, I performed facing the mirror the whole time, add an unexpected table slam and a few outbursts,pacing back and forth, and the fact that I'm pretty good when it comes to acting; my teacher thought something was mentally wrong with me, the students though I was psycho and could hear voices, and both of those assumptions got spread around our entire student body. (I think I made it worse with my Forensic assignment as well).

NOTE: I got the idea for this from Cry Reads: Symmetry so yeah... Read it in that voice (CAPS means yelling besides the word it, SD, sh, or do (different font styles) means the voices so whispering kinda)

Enough of my ranting though; enjoy!

***

The voices were back and.. They were telling me to do things. Not that I didn't want to but it's just, sometimes I want to be alone. Alone where the voices can't haunt my every waking moment. Paralyzed with insomnia because they just won't shut up. Tormenting the tormented soul that is my being they will not let me rest. The ever silent whispers, even on the best of days push me. Push me to become the monster that even I fear. Sometimes I look in the mirror and can't even recognize who I am but am satisfied because there is IT.

IT is always there. Lurking in the darkest corners of my mind, waiting for the voices to subside so it can take over. Like GOD JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! You are probably wondering what IT is and it's quite hard to explain. I feel that it's something inside of me, something that shouldn't be there, a second brain that rules over my body while my mind screams for help. Click, a flip switched and now anger. I don't know what's wrong with me yet there is no one to hear my cry.

IT joins the assault on my sanity and now I can't bare it. If I just take the blade to my neck maybe it'll make things perfect. Click. Now things are calm everything is fuzzy and IT decides to point out all the imperfections.

It's not right

You need to fix it

How can you function with it like this

Fix it

Fix it

FIX IT

I KNOW! The words are yelled as THEY work together and I know that I must do it if I ever want peace. I grab a knife and place my hand on the cutting board. Slam, with one powerful swing I know that my problem is fixed... At least for now. It seems as if IT took away my pain and all I feel is satisfaction.

See, perfect

Symmetry

Order

I finally sleep, but it quickly escapes my grasp with a lingering kiss as I find myself on the right side of the bed, grumbling as I move back and lay perfectly still in the center, symmetrical. Then the anger flares up, my house is a mess and IT forces me to fix it all. I can't rest until I've fixed it all.

Go to the basement

The whisper is repeated constantly like a scratched record. I know what's down there... That's where the demons hide, where the monster that I try to keep hidden has free reign and it seems as though every time it calls I must answer. The outcome always hinting at promise.

Taking a look in the mirror they grow louder, practically bursting my eardrums from the inside of my skull.

I must do this

I must do this

I must do this

The thoughts are not my own but after a matter of moments I'm convinced. Yes, I must do this. It is the only way.

Do it

Do it

You Can't

You Must

It's only right

It'll help you

Silence follows and It's as if THEY are allowing me to choose my fate, even though it seems as if they already decided and there really is one choice. A spider's web dangling over me, calling out to me like a siren but I know it's no use reaching for there is no hope. I want this so badly yet I know there is no HOPE. It's as if IT is there, watching me suffer and cry out for help. But no one will save me, no one can hear because the battle is internal. The end game set even if I haven't accepted it yet. With a final look in the mirror I smile.

Slice

Silence

I can finally be happy

***
So tell me what you thought and which one you would have liked to  see me perform.. I have to say a lot of people were mad and scared when I said slam because that's when I hit the table so hard my hand turned red.