Fix Me | Phan High School AU

Chapter Ten

"Oh, um- Dan!" I felt a pang of annoyance as I watched him pull his lunch bag closer. Did he think I was going to steal his food?

"Mate, chill. I just wanted to ask you something." I sat down next to him.

He relaxed, but his expression was still uneasy. "Yeah?"

"You haven't happened to see Phil have you? Or know where he is?"

"Oh um..." Kevin looked down, avoiding my gaze.

"What is it Kevin?" I snapped impatiently.

"I um... Well it's kinda not really my business to—"

"Kevin, tell me."

The boy swallowed, his voice lowering. "Phil uh... he attempted suicide last night. He's still alive, but last I heard he hasn't woken up."

My whole body seemed to be numb as I stumbled forward, leaning on the table for support. "He-he what?"

"He slit his wrists." Kevin spoke sadly, looking down at his own clean arms. "I only know because my mum works at the hospital. Actually, I probably shouldn't be telling you this... Please don't mention it to anyone? My mum would kill me if she—"

Kevin's worries slipped into a dull, droning noise with the rest of the cafeteria chatter.

"Phil tried to kill himself." The thought ran through my head again and again until another thought came, louder and more dominating.

"It's my fault."

I was going to be sick.

I gagged, grabbing my bag and slinging it over my shoulder. I could faintly hear kevin calling my name as I shoved past people to get to the door. I blinked several times to clear my vision, was the room supposed to be spinning?

I sprinted into the nearest bathroom, throwing my bag by the sinks and barging into the nearest cubicle. The minute I reached the toilet, I vomited.

Deep, painful breaths racked my body as I slumped against the wall.

Phil is in a coma and he might not wake up. This is all my fault.

Guilt twisted my stomach, and once again I found myself hunched over the white rim as bile stung my throat.

...

I couldn't take spending the rest of the day in school. The next opportunity I had I ran out the side door, not stopping until I reached the main roads. I sprinted most of the way home, only slowing down to call a taxi.

...

I was shaking the whole way to the hospital. The driver tried to make conversation once or twice, but I was blunt with my answers and he took the hint.

By the time we made it to our destination, I felt like I was going to puke again.

I hurried to the door, pushing it open and making my way to the front desk.

"Can I help you?" A heavy woman in a pink nurses' outfit asked me, barely glancing up.

"Um I'm here to see a Phil Lester?" I gasped, still trying to catch my breath

The lady picked up a clipboard, looking down at it through the spectacles balanced on the edge of her nose. "Are you a direct family member?" She asked, looking up at me with a blank expression.

"N-no, but please, I really need to see him." I pleaded to the nurse.

She sighed, glancing around nervously before leaning forward. "I really shouldn't be doing this, no one who is not a direct family member is allowed to see the patient right now. I'm only doing this because the poor boy has had no visitors since he arrived. Even his own bloody father dropped him off and left; I suppose he could use the company."

"Thank you so much." I sighed with relief and gratitude.

"Room 139" She said with a smile.

...

I rushed down the hallway, quickly glancing at all the room numbers as I passed them.

136

137

138

139

I stopped in mid step, turning towards the door with the words Lester, Phillip next to it.

I stood in front of the door, staring down at the silver handle. I wanted to turn it so badly, but I was terrified of what I would see.

After a good minute of staring at that stupid, stupid door. I swung it open, taking a step into the sterile white room.

I first noticed how bare the room seemed; there were no flowers or cards or get-well balloons like there were in other patients' rooms. There was just a pale, scrawny boy laying in the hospital bed; white bandages wrapped tightly around his wrists.

My stomach sunk as I stepped closer to the cot, now being able to clearly see his face. It seemed much more hollow and sunken in than before; there were dark rings under his eyes. Swallowing, I pulled a chair up next to him.

"Phil..." I breathed out, taking his hand in mine. They were cold and boney, rings of blood lining his fingernails.

"I am so, so sorry." I broke down in sobs, clutching his hand.

"I'm sorry that I'm such a self-conscious asshole who cares more about popularity than other people. I'm sorry I'm a selfish prick who doesn't know how to be a decent human being." I gasped out the words as sobs racked my body. I gently brought his hand up to my lips, allowing me to softly kiss his knuckles.

"I'm-" I struggled to say the next phrase, oblivious to the gentle flickering of Phil's eyelids as he awakened.

"I'm sorry I'm too scared to admit that I have feelings for you."

"You-you have feelings for me?" a weak voice croaked out.

My head jolted up and I was met with a pair of dull blue eyes.

"Phil."

A/N: Sorry there is lots of skips, idk if any of you care or not.

Hope you like it, I feel like I kinda rushed it... which I did bc I really want to watch Black Butler, but I promised I would have this chapter up today so here take it; I don't want it.