Belonging

Chapter 13

What is the purpose of life. Why are we on this earth. Why are we running endlessly in pursuit of an unknown need. An unknown entity.

Victoria knew not what she wanted. Her own emotions were as foreign to her as the turmoil in her mind. She had always been a rational female, not prone to drama or excessive display of emotion. But here she was, her mind a whirlpool of emotions, each more troublesome than the last.

Clayton had been gone for a whole day at that point, and she had been pleasantly surprised he had taken out time enough to arrange for her rejoining college again. It was unheard of for students to miss out on weeks' worth of work and classes and yet be allowed to rejoin in the midst of an ongoing semester. Victoria couldn't stop the little flutter her heart gave every time she thought about the man responsible for this, even though Clayton was the reason she had missed out on so much. He had redeemed himself in her eyes and although she didn't want to, she knew she had forgiven him.

Taking into consideration the fact that Clayton was to be absent for a whole week, Victoria had dedicated herself to her studies and made great headway in the coursework that had piled up in her time away from college. Always having been a fast learner, she didn't have much problems with catching up to her peers, and not having to do extra work for the popular athletes in college had greatly reduced her workload.

The considerable number of guards had resulted in Victoria becoming a sort of social pariah yet coveted celebrity. Everywhere she went, people would refuse to look her in the eye, yet couldn't contain themselves from gossiping about her. Victoria finally felt brave enough to venture into the cafeteria, she knew that her previous tormentors and bullies would not be approaching her thanks to Clayton and his overbearingly protective ways. He had assigned two additional guards to her protection detail during his absence from the city.

Humming to herself under her breath, she meticulously copied the notes lent to her by a classmate. It was an ongoing battle with her mind to make it focus on something other than Clayton. He seemed to have invaded every inch of her thoughts and was constantly derailing her thought process. Huffing in frustration as her traitorous brain conjured up another image of the man in question, Victoria admitted defeat. Resting her head on the table, she let her mind wander as it pleased. Clayton's face drifted into view once more, a smug smirk gracing his handsome features and despite herself, Victoria felt her heart miss a beat. Horror flooded her thoughts as she came to the startling conclusion that she had actually begun to admire the very same man who had purchased her from her parents as though she were a broodmare. Clutching her head in frustration as she desperately attempted to deny this discovery, Victoria knew not how long she sat there lost in thought before her reverie was disturbed by her guards. The sun had begun to set by the time one of the guards approached her, "Madam, we must get going. It is getting dark and boss will have our heads if anything happens to you."

"Alright." Victoria detested having someone else control her movements, it made her feel as though she were suffocating. She knew why Clayton did it, but that didn't mean that she had to agree with it, or like it. Her thoughts kept her occupied all through the ride back and the dinner she insisted on having with the security staff; eating alone would have just made her feel worse. 

Victoria finally collapsed onto the bed in a tired heap, her day back at college had tired her thoroughly. She had grown used to not doing anything during her 'college ban', and now found herself tiring much faster than she used to. Her first day without Clayton's presence in the city had been entirely too eventful for her taste.

Her unwanted discovery had dampened her previously ecstatic mood at having a whole week without Clayton's constant presence. She didn't know what to do anymore, should she allow for this feeling to flourish and in time even consider reciprocating Clayton's affection? Wouldn't it be easy to have his resources and money at her disposal and not have to worry about anything again?

But on the other hand, the man scared her shitless. 

His intimidating aura was enough to send her scurrying for cover. Victoria's family and friends knew she had the disposition of a bird, and was not strong enough to handle large amounts of stress or fear. Her eyes would instantly tear up at the slightest sign of confrontation and she would be a bawling mess within moments.

Deciding to reciprocate a man such as Clayton's affections would be similar to her willingly throwing herself under the bus. He was volatile, violent and unpredictable. Victoria mulled over her newfound problem for hours. Her poor, beleaguered mind eventually admitted defeat and she fell into a restless sleep.

**

The following morning brought with it a new perspective on life, and Victoria resolved to enjoy the solitude given to her in Clayton's absence. She would look into the matter of her tricky emotions later, and would enjoy this time to the fullest.

After breakfast she was munching on a chocolate bar when the lead guard presented to her, a shiny and sleek cell phone. "Boss asked for this to be delivered to you. His number is pre-programmed and he wants for you to call him immediately."

The mention of the 'boss' dampened her mood. Glaring at the offending phone in the guard's hold, she resolved to finally live her life on her terms. Starting with not following orders Clayton so callously tossed her way, as though she were a trained pet. Gingerly taking the phone from the guard - she didn't want for him to be punished due to her - Victoria stuffed it into her messenger bag and headed for the front door.

"Madam, Please call the Boss." The guard sighed as he held open the door for her. "Boss will get pissed off."

"Boss isn't the only one who can get pissed off." Victoria muttered as she ran down the steps to the awaiting car. And to think she was actually growing to like the bastard. "Come on, I'm getting late for class."

**

Victoria spent the following days working herself to the bone. She never ended up calling Clayton and he seemed to have forgotten also, as there was no word from him. Her little rebellion against his tyrannical ways had brought a skip to her step and a sense of achievement. Although not entirely significant, she had managed to stand her ground. Today it was a phone call, and tomorrow it could be to get her own room back.

She had been living in his room during his absence, but that wouldn't last forever. He would return at some point, and she wanted her own privacy and space. It was a long shot, but she was willing to try nonetheless.

Although she had experienced separation from Clayton for extended periods of time before, his absence this week had an altogether different impact on her now. She felt herself craving a moment in his company, his smiles and laughter, his banter and teasing. Victoria considered herself an independent woman, and it ate away at her that she was wholly unable to do anything about her current stance on Clayton. Try though she did, she couldn't change her feelings for him, even though every little action of his was offending and careless; she couldn't understand what made her still continue to harbor this growing sense of warmth toward him.

Enough was enough, she may have fallen under some spell of his. But she wouldn't continue to live according to his will, it was time to gain her independence and strength back. She was through being his pushover, she would be living life on her terms now.