~Together~ (Carl Grimes x Reader) *UNDER EDIT*

Chapter 124: These connections

*(Y/N)'s P.O.V*

It's cold

It's dark

It's scary

It's painful

It's so lonely

My head lolled to the side almost lifelessly as I stared down at my wrist, a padded handcuff, locking my wrist to the bed. My head lolled to the other side, in my arm was a needle, leading up to an IV. I stared up at the ceiling, they had kept me in this room, locked up in fear that I would have another outburst and end up hurting myself even worse.

I let out a sigh and closed my eyes, this IV, the liquid that was now coursing through my veins. It kept me calm, it stopped me from seeing Henry whilst I was conscious. It kept me sane.

Graham was hoping that soon enough I wouldn't need the IV anymore and that things could go back to how they were. I wouldn't need to be locked up, I wouldn't need to stay in this room, I wouldn't need to stay behind the gate. I could be free-- I could live, breathe, stand by the side of my loved ones without worrying about hurting them or myself.

I opened my eyes slowly as the door clicked and slowly pushed open, I glanced over to see none other than the balding doctor. He sent me a sympathetic smile and walked over to the IV, checking it's level, etc.

"How's your shoulder?" he asked as he continued checking "it doesn't hurt anymore" I whispered, the bite that I had 'imagined' wasn't a bite at all. My tendon almost tore when I had fallen down the stairs, Graham said that my mind was trying to come up with a reason as to why it hurt so badly, so I dreamt up Henry biting me.

Luckily it hadn't torn but it was certainly a close call. It was another reason why I was handcuffed, so that I wouldn't move my arm too much and end up throwing off my healing course.

Graham clenched his jaw and placed his hands on the side of the bed "God, I'm so sorry (Y/N). That this has happened to you" he whispered. I felt the corners of my lips twitch up slightly and shook my head slowly "It'll pass, I'll be okay Graham. You'll see-- soon enough I'll be out there kicking walker hide before you know it" I whispered.

Graham closed his eyes and gave a light chuckle "of course, I wouldn't doubt that for a second". He gave a gentle pat to my forehead "get some rest, all right?". I nodded weakly and closed my eyes, the man turned to leave "h-hey Graham?" I whispered.

He hummed and turned to face me "h-has Carl come to visit me?", the male sighed lightly "I'm sorry (Y/N), he-- he hasn't. I think it's too painful for him to see you like this". I bit the inside of my lip and nodded "right, sorry for asking".

Slowly, I turned onto my side, my back to the door. I heard the soft clicking noise of the door closing, with a sigh I pulled the blanket over my shoulders. Squeezing my eyes closed I did my best to force myself into sleep.

It's cold

It's dark

It's scary

It's painful

It's so lonely

My knees were pulled to my chest the darkness was suffocating. The hollow emptiness of the space I was surrounded by was maddening. It felt so empty. So void of everything except me. I was the only one. The only thing. 

And suddenly - there's a voice. A soft spoken voice. A comforting, loving voice. The voice of the boy I loved, Carl's voice.

Slowly my legs dropped from my chest and I was uncurling myself, standing straight and unafraid. He was with me, so I had no reason to be afraid. There was a soft pressure on my hand, slowly I turned to face whoever it was who was gripping my limb.

Soft blue eyes, a light dusting of freckles, a warm smile tugging at his lips. Long locks of brown hair fell passed his jaw line. Carl.

I bit my lip with a whimper and pulled my hand from his grip, moving them to wrap around his neck. He stumbled back at the force of my hug, a light laugh fell from his lips as he wrapped his arms around me tightly.

It's warm

It's bright

It's safe

It's peaceful

It's so loving

The soft tinkering of laughing comes to an abrupt end. The world suddenly feels cold as I fall forward, my arms collapsing around my own chest, Carl vanished from my grip. I let out an alarmed yelp as I land on my knees.

Laughter rang through the air, but nothing like before. It was dark and foreboding, menacing and fear inducing. Henry's laughter. I turn to face the centre of the room, whilst darkness surrounds me a spotlight is cast in the centre of the room.

There stands Carl, his arms open wide, a smile on his face as he awaits my embrace. I scrambled up and clumsily went to sprint towards him.

I came to a skidding stop when an arm wrapped around Carl's shoulder, there standing by his side was Henry. A grin on his face as he hooked his arm around my husband. "Look at you (Y/N), you got what you wanted, you got your precious Carl back. But you lost what you had~ Your sanity!~".

I clenched my jaw tightly "I'm in your head dear~ I know everything you think about! About how much you love this doofus of a boy, his sparkling blue eyes~" he let out a dramatic sigh "how about I take something of his so you two will be even and you won't have to feel left out anymore, hm?~"

Henry turned Carl to face him, holding out his index finger and middle finger. Slowly he reached them forward, inching towards Carl's face.

A squirt of blood

A scream of pain

A maniacal laughter

Henry's fingers had disappeared -- right into Carl's eye socket.

I let out a loud scream and gripped my hair tightly as I watched the horrid scene, the eyes I loved so much were being gauged out, ripped from his head. My Carl, my precious Carl. The one I wished I hadn't dragged into my insanity, I wished I hadn't caused him to get hurt.

It was all my fault

I let out a loud gasp as I jerked forward, sitting up straight in bed with a shaky gasp of horror. Sweat formed on my forehead, slowly dripped down my face. I gripped the bedsheets shakily, my head snapped towards the door as there was a soft knock.

"(Y/N), it's Graham. You have a visitor" he spoke through the door, still sitting up in bed, I managed to sputter "c-come in". The door opened and then closed as only one person stepped in, the door closing behind him.

My eyes were locked on the ground, slowly making their trail up the figure. Boots, jeans, shirt, jacket, long brown hair, shy smile, freckles, eye patch--

My eyes widened in horror as I stared, distraught at the sight of the despicable white bandage taped over his eye. "C-Carl-- your eye" I whispered. He sighed lightly and walked over "I know, I'm okay, I'm fine. I can still shoot, I can still survive".

My hands slowly reached up to grip my head "Carl your eye, your eye!" I screeched, shrinking away from him and shuffling to the other side of the bed. He reached forward, taking my hand gently, that familiar soft pressure on my hand, he tugged my hand away from my head.

These connections between my nightmares and the real world. They were getting out of control, they were driving me over the edge. They were too real to not be real.