Look Closer | Mavi | Dreamingletters & LittleCarokind

16. Don't Be Afraid

Avi's P.O.V.

I manage to fall asleep rather quickly after the moment Mitch and I shared in the lounge of our tour bus. I would've thought that I'd lie awake half of the night thinking about what just had happened but nada. At least one thing busy tour life is good for. You almost never fail to fall asleep after a long exhausting day, no matter what thoughts try to keep you awake.

The only problem is that said thoughts just don't disappear. They're still there for when you wake up. That's how I ended up sitting in the back lounge with a huge cup of tea. When I first woke up and saw that Mitch's bunk was empty, I had hoped he would be awake and we could spend some more time together. But Kirstie's bunk is empty as well and they both are nowhere to be found which means they're out.

As I sit there and nurse my tea I think back to the previous night, back to Mitch. I had thought that being kissed by him while he was drunk was something special, but having him sober and being able to both kiss and be kissed was just perfect.

"Good Morning, Avi. Why are you here in the back?" I almost jump when I hear Scott's voice. He walks into the little lounge.

"Morning. I don't know, actually." I chuckle nervously and shrug my shoulders.

Scott, however, keeps looking at me with his piercing blue eyes. "Are you okay?"

I look up at him and fake a smile. "Yeah, why shouldn't I be?"

He raises an invisible eyebrow at my comment. "Because something's bothering you. I can see it. If you want to talk..."

"I don't know if I can..." I state, knowing that there's no use in denying, because Scott can see right through me.

"Why's that?" he wants to know.

"I can't find the words to say it" I return. "I don't know how..."

Scott sits down next to me. "Just say whatever you need to get out and we'll sort everything else out together" he prompts. "Talking helps and I can keep a secret."

Even if it concerns his best friend?

"I... it's... I met someone" I start off.

His eyes light up. "Really? That's amazing. Tell me everything about her."

I cringe at those words and suddenly I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk to him. But he's Scott, he probably went through all of these weird stuff I'm feeling when he was searching and finding himself. "It's not a woman, Scott" I say voiceless.

I glance up at him and see disbelief in his eyes, before they light up. "Really? That's great" he exclaims. "Or isn't it?" he adds after a while of silence.

"I don't know, yet. I'm in the early stages of finding out what I feel and whenever I'm with him I allow myself to just feel and be in the moment. It's great. But whenever I'm not around him there are these doubts nagging at me. These doubts keep telling me that what I'm doing is wrong. Not wrong in that sense, I don't have anything against... homosexual love, but it just feels so huge right now, just like it's going to change everything and I... god I just don't know!" The words literally spill out of my mouth and I really don't know if I'm making sense. But it feels good to finally have someone besides Mitch to talk to. Someone who will hopefully understand my problems.

Scott smiles at me. "I know exactly how you're feeling, Avi. I've been there. It's not the same for everyone but all the doubts, everything, is just what most men and women are going through" he says sympathetically. "It takes time. Time and a lot of courage to try yourself out."

I nod. "Thank you, Scott. I needed this."

"Not for that. I told you I'd help you with sorting things out." Scott nudges my arm softly. "Now tell me all about him! What's his name? What does he look like? And how far did the two of you take things already?"