The Best of Me (A danisnotonfire fanfic) ✅

Part 49: The Light Behind Your Eyes

Dan's pov

I cried as Leah's body went limp in my arms. I cried for the moments that were never to come, I cried for my best friend and I cried for myself, well aware that everything would change from now.

I kissed every cold inch of skin I could find, as if that could bring her back like some sort of a Disney princess movie climax. However, no matter how much I kissed her and begged her to come back to me, I knew deep down inside that it was already too late. She had no pulse.

At school they teaches you dumb shit like how atoms work, or even how to recite the periodic table, but not once do they mention what you should possibly do if the love of your life dies in your arms in a foreign city.

Everything was painful, my chest was aching, and I could not seem breathe, or at least not use the oxygen for anything. My vision were blurred, tears coating the both of us.

And I felt. More than I had ever done in my life. I felt more than when my little brother was born, when I met Phil, dropped out of Uni. More than when I found Leah that first time on the floor, more than the countless hospital visits, the whole Playlist scenario, even more than when she finally agreed to me mine. All I could do was feel, and it sucked.

Never had I been more grateful for the shadows of the night as they creeped upon us, casting some coverage that would be good enough for shielding me from fans. Right now, it probably looked like a man holding another person in his arms, but if you came closer, everything would be exposed.

I did the only thing I knew how to, my body seemingly working on autopilot as I fumbled around to find my phone, quickly scrolling down find Phil's name on the never ending list of people I didn't know I wouldn't ever speak to again.

Time felt like hours as I waited for Phil to pick it up. Every beep made me more distressed. What am I supposed to do now?

"Hello?" The familiar voice had never been as welcome as it was at this moment. "Dan is that you?"

"Yeah," I breathed through the phone, shutting my eyes painfully hard, ignoring the dancing specs of light that danced behind my eyes.

"What's going on? Did you guys arrive safely?"

I did not reply, the memories overwhelming me becoming too much. I felt like screaming, crying, break something, but I could not move.

"Phil I-"My sentence broke off with a sob, starting an avalanche of many more to follow.

"Oh God, it happened, didn't it?" My lack of response confirmed it all. "Dan, I'm so sorry, where are you? Should I come meet you anywhere? Are you okay?"

"Phil, I don't know what to do..."

"Where are you?"

"I am at the beach, and she's here too. Phil, I'm so scared and I don't know who to talk to or what to do I ju-"

"You need to calm down, okay Dan?" I could hear that Phil's voice were strained, most likely fighting back tears. I had no motivation of fighting; I just let them fall. "I'm going to hang up, okay? I will call some people and I will get a cab or something right away. Does that sound good?"

"No, please," I begged. "Please don't leave me Phil; I have no one but you. Please don't hang up on me, I beg you!"

Phil eventually promised not to hang up on me, instead opting for his girlfriend to arrange the details and such. He stayed with me the whole time, listening patently at me sobbing and cursing everything. This was by far the worst moment of my life, and even so, people had turned up to watch as the medical workers took her from me and laid her body on a slack, wheeling her the distance to the helicopter. I was aware of the flashes, microphones stuffed into my face and people shouting at me. The world was spinning, nothing seemed right. Was this how panic attacks felt like? Oh god, I felt horrible, like I were about to throw up.