The Best of Me (A danisnotonfire fanfic) ✅

Part 39: Breathless

Dan's pov

As a human, you are not build to freeze. However, that was exactly what I did as the doctor uttered those five little words.

"Mr. Howell... Leah has leukemia."

It couldn't be. There had to be a mistake somewhere in the system. I refused to believe it.

"Dan, are you alright," Phil chocked out, looking at me with a concerned expression. I wasn't anything near alright, and the whole world were spinning in front of my eyes. It felt like my throat were closing in and I couldn't breathe.

I grasped my neck with both of my hands as I slid back down against the wall. I'd seen Leah have panic attacks countless of times, but I never knew they were this bad. Black patches danced in front of my vision, where Phil's face hovered, concerned and frightened.

"Dan, you need to calm down. It's gonna be okay, you hear me?"

Nothing were ever going to be all right again, and we both knew that. Zoe shouted something along the lines of "Don't just stand there, do something!" at the doctor, who clearly were taken back by my reactions. I guess most people just burst into tears, but I were already empty of those.

My breath were ragged and shallow, my whole body were tense and shaking. This was by far the worst night of my life, but little did I know of what were about to come.

I didn't even jump as a nurse appeared from out of nowhere and injected a needle into my arm. I flinched at the unfamiliar touch, and I were about to shout at her as my eyelids felt heavy.

"Phil, help me," I whispered as I managed to lock my eyes with his familiar oceans of blue. They always managed to calm me down for some reason. Phil usually had that effect on me.

He gently grabbed my hand and stroke it absentmindedly, over and over again. We were both were wrapped up in our own thoughts, as well as Zoe, Tyler and Troye. I felt bad for them, but worse for myself.

As if the suicide attempt wasn't enough, there now was a certainty that Leah might not make it.

It took a while before I managed to convince the staff to lead me to Leah, partly because I was hysterical and partly because she was in a coma. Again.

She laid in a plain hospital bed, with tubes and equipment all over. I didn't even know what over half of the things were used for, but I didn't care either if it could heal her. My feet took me the few steps needed to get over to her side, and sit down on the hard plastic chair. I grabbed her hand, surprised at how warm it was compared to the last time I had held it.

"Hey, Leah. It's me," I began, not really knowing whether she actually could hear me. "I'm so sorry we ended up in this situation again. They told me the news, but I'm not sure you know them yet. They told me they wouldn't start the chemo therapy without your consent. And we both know that is bullshit. You are dying on me again, because I couldn't protect you. I'm so sorry I broke my promise. You know I would give my life for yours, right? Because that is how much I love you.

"I don't care that you've got cancer. I don't care if you already knew and didn't tell me, I just want what's best for you, even if that means us parting ways."

I heard a discreet cough from the doorway, and I spun around to see Phil walking towards me. He had a sad smile on his lips, but refused to look at me. I guess I looked pretty bad giving the circumstances, I felt pretty bad too.

"Hi," He whispered as he dumped himself in the chair on the opposite side of the bed. "I'm sorry if I'm interrupting your little love-confession."

"No, it's fine," I replied. I didn't mind Phil's presence, after all he was my best friend and I had nothing to hide. "She's your friend too."