The Best of Me (A danisnotonfire fanfic) ✅

Part 3: Habits

*unless I mention something else it is always in "your" pov*

[trigger warning]

I guess you could say my sleep schedule was in fact fucked up. My clock showed *06:47 am*, a number I probably never had seen before. Half an hour later I decided that I indeed just couldn't go back to sleep so I decided to hop in the shower. I wasn't used to living on my own yet, but I certainly did not miss my parents yelling at me for using too much time in the bathroom or not cleaning up my cereal.

Because I had tons of time and was in an exceptional good mood I decided to actually do something with my hair and apply some make up. A different face stared back at me in the mirror.
Look at your chubby face and the way your arms wiggle with fat. No wonder why you don't have any friends.
No, shut up
Look at how fat your thighs look when you sit like that, feel how the cereal is adding another layer of fat.
No, I'm fine. I promise.
No one would want someone with an arm so scarred like yours.

The voices suddenly became too much for me to handle. I yanked open the top drawer and took out the little black box. With ease and without cutting my fingertips I quickly chose my favourite blade from my rather large collection.

My knees gave in under me and I fell to the ground with my back against the wall. Without giving it a second thought I pulled down the top of my jeans to expose the patterns I'd carved into my hips during the years, each of them telling a new story about how miserable I am. My eyes were burning as I tried to hold back the tears, but eventually I gave in and started sobbing with tears running down my face.

The blade felt light and thin between my fingers as I drew it across my skin repeatedly.
Cut.
Fat.
Cut.
Worthless.
Cut.
Miserable.
Cut.
Failure.

I only stopped when I began to feel lightheaded and blood was running down my skin and seeping into the fabric of my jeans and pooling up in tiny puddles underneath me.
You deserve this.

I reached over to grab a towel from under the sink and dabbed it gently on my recent cuts. I hated the way my scars looked, but I'd be lost without them. My blood stained the white towel, but eventually it stopped bleeding. With practiced hands I taped some bandages over the fresh cuts and pulled my jeans up over it. I bit my lip to prevent a small scream of pain when the waistband pressed against the sore skin underneath.

As I stood up I gathered all my equipment and placed it gently back; the blade in the box, the bandages back in the drawer and I flushed the toilet paper I'd wiped the floor with. I threw the towel in a pile with my other dirty laundry, I was way to exhausted to wash it yet.

My fingers traced the wall as I stumbled through the hallway and into the lounge before I crashed on the couch and passed out.
[End of trigger warning]

Dan's pov

What was up with me lately? Once again I'd awaken before noon! It probably had something to do with Leah, I just couldn't get that damn girl out of my head. Look, I'm not normally a stalker but you can't blame me for following her up to her apartment after one of our little "meetings" in the stairs...

When Tumblr couldn't provide more entertainment to occupy myself in, I gave up and headed out of my room and towards our lounge. I wasn't surprised to find Phil already awake with a coffee in his hands and an empty bowl of cereal before him. He usually woke up really early.

"Good morning," Phil said to me with a grin on his face. "I'm not used to see you awake before 11 am, are you okay?"
I had to stop and think at this. Was I okay?
"Yeah, no I couldn't sleep," I quickly muttered and headed towards the cupboard above the stove to pour my own bowl of cereal.
"Still thinking about that girl, eh? Dan, I really want to meet her, can't you invite her over or something?"

Could I invite her over? Did I have a reason to? Surely I couldn't just bump into her and invite her over to a practical strangers apartment? What if I scared her away? But if it gave me a little bit more insight on her and that we would get to spend time together I was willing to take a chance.

"You know what? Maybe I'll do!" I said with my mouth full of shreddies. "What would I do without my own personal problem solver"
Phil smiled at me and disappeared out of the kitchen with a wink he threw in my direction.

Yay, chapter 3 is here!
Enjoy...

Xchris