My Letters to God.

Letter 85

God, in my distress You answer my cries. I've been in self pity. Over and over I find myself in that same exact spot: self pity. Self loathing. Confusion and basically dancing with the devil and letting him lead when You gave me the leading role! You're the one that given me the authority to walk away from self pity and the devil's mind games so how stubborn can I be! But God...I will try to live in gratitude and look at even the smallest silver lining there is Jesus that You bring about. To thank You God and praise You Jesus when the storm is getting pretty crazy. I started this morning with my prayers. Jesus You are welcomed in this house God, I invite You in my heart, mind, and soul and give You the reigns Jesus. I thank You for waking me up, getting attacked Jesus because it means You have something in planned for me God; You have a word for me today and it lets me know Jesus that I'm doing something right God and still follow You Jesus. I thank You for the sleep I had; for calming me down and leading me to still waters-for being my still waters Jesus. Thank You for my family being safe; for bringing down Your angels God to watch over us through the night! Thank You that I'm healthy and for the talents I have, Thank You for my aunt and my siblings in Christ. Thank YOU God for the freedom I have to pray to You Jesus and worship You God. For always looking out for me and hugging me in many ways when I just need a hug. Thank You God for always wiping my tears and getting me out of some pretty dark places in my mind. Thank You for always reminding me of the devil's schemes and to be watchful and thank You Jesus, God for correcting me because You love me. Thank You for my looks and me being chunky but curvy as well. Thank You for my pale skin. Thank You Jesus for all these great movies coming out like miracles from heaven, risen, and God's not dead 2! Thank You Jesus for chasing away the thoughts and doubts and always being there for me to talk to. Thank You for instructing me and telling me not to be a perfectionist because You just want a relationship with me God, not to be impressed by me. God, thank You for all You do in my life and the lives of those around me. Thank You God that today is my youth meeting where I can go and have fellowship with my siblings. Thank You Jesus that I can go and talk to them and just bask in Your presence that thick. Thank You Jesus for always being truth and not making me feel like some violated victim. For taking that title away from me and replacing it with VICTORY. Thank You Jesus for never abandoning us Lord and pressing on in suffering. I think I'm starting to understand why suffering is good and why Paul says to rejoice in it; Because suffering not only teaches us lessons, to persevere, makes us strong and lean on God, but it also helps us understand YOU JESUS! You understand us completely God. Jesus you know fully well all the things we go through, the things we feel Jesus but with us that's hard to remember because -well for me- I go by feelings too darn much but suffering is walking into Your footprints. Suffering reveals what You had to experience, what You had to endure, what You had to witness and take on...it brings us closer to You Jesus because we experience the things You did. We start understanding and like that our relationship grows. Thank You Jesus for helping me understand the things I am blind to! For being a gentlemen God. Thank You for my life, for breathing into me this morning and waiting for me to look at You God when it would be easier to force me to. Thank You for never forcing me but also thank You for urging me to do the right thing and to stand and fight the demons in my mind. Thank You God for knowing me, understanding me, looking at me, caring for me, taking care of me, showing me how to love even if I don't feel like it, showing me where to start -how to tackle the core in order to deal with the symptoms. Thank YOU God for each and everyone of these people reading these Letters Jesus. I thank you that even in my lowest and darkest and brokenness, You still use me to help encourage others God. I ask for forgiveness for I haven't been doing my job...in my dark I haven't written my letters each day to You Jesus and haven't been studying or praying as supposed to. God I thank You for the room I have and that my dad is happy and that Brenda came into my life. I thank You Jesus that Brenda's interested in the word and goes with me to bible study. I thank YOU Jesus that Jocelyn is getting interested too and that the kids ask me to teach them to pray. I thank You Jesus that I have blood family that knows exactly the things I go through and am able to open up to little by little. Jesus I thank You that no matter what I go through, God You always bring me closer to You and my family. You always use it for good and your glory! Let praise me on my lips to YOU GOD FOREVER AND EVER! In Jesus name: Amen!

Thank You Jesus.
Candy.