My Letters to God.

Letter 53

New Year, new beginnings Lord. It funny really because every year or at least when I thought "This will be my new start. I can start fresh" it never really happens and it all feels like the same routine I've done since I was in middle school yet now...this feels like a fresh start. Like the past is finally gone and sure knew battles come up but I'm learning to lean on you and less on me. It gets scary and as my last letter the enemy even attacks the mind but I'm learning, getting into the habit of praying to you to keep me strong and know that I am in the palm of your hands. I refuse to let the serpent take away the peace, love, and joy away from me. You gave me your spirit and today I was in a internal debate. I was thinking about the Holy Spirit and how people who received it-some I heard- stuff happens to them. They fall down or like with my mom people are able to feel things happen to them and it began worrying me. I was baptized and I didn't pass out or felt different to an extreme. Looking at it now I guess I was comparing myself to others but then it hit me! Even though nothing extraordinary happened-something did. I received peace and joy. I felt warmth while others in my youth group was cold and I cried like I never cried before when I gave myself to you. I remember before going on the stage my mentors and elders pulled me aside to pray over me. I remember exactly what I was thinking as they prayed: Lord I'm scared. I bawled. I tried holding in my tears but I can't fight you and your overwhelming grace so I bawled right there in the corridor and let them hug me. The pastor even hugged me. Lord I gave myself to you and you as promised left me your spirit of peace, joy, and love. I may not fear different but I know a shift took place and it shows through my family and through how I am now. The other day I was looking through my old papers. I was looking for my paint brushes and ended up cleaning out a container with my old drawings and homework all the way from middle school! Oh man I scared myself! The things I wrote and drew....I was such an angry person filled with hate and addicted to negative things. Thank you Jesus for taking me out of that stuff! That was just so creepy but I found a piece of a story I worked on since I was eighth grade: It was called "A Demon's Tale" I'm trying to name it something else but I was comparing my two main characters of that story and how much they represented me. I found one writing that was for one of the characters and realized just how much of myself I put in my characters without even realizing it. It was like a replica of my letters to you. I was crying out since middle school and never even realized it until now. Wow...Lord...just wow. My characters are just like me split in half and over the years I drifted like the characters Zak and now it's like I'm trying to fight myself like the character Sinful. The things you realize as we grow up. I'm not sure if I'm ever going to continue and finish that story Lord. Even now I'm drifting, trying to find a solid idea. I'm writing a fanfiction for Hetalia right now but You will be m foundation. It's not yaoi or smut or anything unless you count against maybe. I thought I was the only one to think of Christian Fanfiction but I was wrong! I looked it up because I was wondering if there was any Christian fanfics out there and oh my gosh there is!!!! I was shocked because usually there is nothing but....yeah....it is very hard to find clean stories but I was happy!!!! There hasn't been any Hetalia ones yet but I'm thinking of joining...there is this one mother who is turning the book Harry Potter into a Christian fanfic which is cool. I read some like maybe two chapters on this one website that was bashing her and I think her story is cool. It has potential and I love that she changes it to fit and glorify you but it does raise some question....for me at least and I don't know, maybe it's just me and I'm still learning so I don't know. Are birthday's bad God????? Did they have birthdays back then??? Why did she make Ronald a bad guy and not only that but a Slytherian???? Like I said I don't know maybe because I'm being bias perhaps. I've seen all the Harry Potter movies and also read some of the book (book one) and grew up with the things in this world that it's hard looking beyond but I know that magic and pagan stuff like that is bad when associated with You and I don't want to disrespect you Lord. There's this one site called Christianmanga and it seems cool...There's so many questions I have sometimes Lord but I know if I keep studying my bible and looking towards you, You Lord won't lead me wrong and Thank You for bringing me my sister Faith. For bringing me FollowsJesus and redmx_13 Lord. When I think there's no one who feels the way I feel or like I'm alone with my battles you remind me that you have many followers going through the same thing and that the battle is yours. You give us strength when we are weak and bring out the best in us when others turn dark. Thank you Jesus. Thank you God. Thank you Holy Spirit. I welcome you in my life, mind, heart, and soul. Please continue to morph me and make me more like you and less like me. Please purify my heart, mind, and soul and rebuke all evil from me. I pray for the same for all my family in You that are fighting the good fight as Paul says. In Jesus name: Amen.

Candy.