My Letters to God.

Letter 3

Addiction:

When I think about addiction, my most common thoughts are drugs, alcohol, sex-the hard stuff most would see on TV. We joke about addictions, laugh and not pay it much attention unless it happens to us. It's sad God but it's true and it's also true that we all have an addiction that chains us to this earth, locks us in darkness and away from you. We drown in addiction every day and we don't even realize it! My addiction was many things. I never once did drugs: I tried liquor at times but never much liked it: I will not lie God, I did lust. Never laid with a man and gave up my innocence (Thank you!) but I did lust and it was deep. My addictions were just as dark –Maybe more- and self-destructing as if I had a body destroying addiction. It was soul destructive. My addictions were anime, books, yaoi (Yaoi is boys love and it was a big Addcition of mine.) Lust, and fanfiction. These all tied into one huge addiction for me and the more I gave into them Lord, the father away I got from you. When I felt sad I would read/write fanfiction or watch yaoi. When I got bored = Fanfiction. When I wanted to ignore the world =Fanfiction. Angry =Fanfiction. Looking back on that God...Fanfiction was an idol. I was stupid enough to fall for that. It was so bad I never looked anywhere else and now I find myself lost. I know I need to find my way back to you God. I need to get away from my addiction and look around me to the signs you are putting in front of me. I'm scared. At times I get so scared but I'm more scared to go back to those addictions that I rather run back to you than that. Because inside I know it will be worth it. I just ask for the strength to look to and at only you and you alone. I feel that I'm not as addicted as I was before because I know you are my one and only. That I should come to you and you alone, glorify you, praise you, and seek you. I'm still addicted but I want to use it as my strength while breaking away from it lord. The episode with Glee; when Kurt found some sort of faith in you through his dad...it got me thinking and from there a story was planted. Kurt will be a girl later on because it would make the story easier and I don't want to fall back on the yaoi. I want to write about redemption – you giving us second chances because that's what you did when you sent your ONLY Son to die for us. Take the beatings and pain just for us to redeem ourselves so we won't perish but have everlasting life with you in heaven. I want to somehow capture that in my stories and share it with others. Give hope where it is needed. Go back to helping people Lord and in doing so build my relationship with you to be stronger. Firmer. Steel. Thank you for everything. In your Holy name: Amen.

Candy.