My Letters to God.

Letter 57

So I didn't go to church today. My dad forgot about it and he came home a bit late to take me and I felt bad because he was rushing and tired Lord so I said it was ok. There's next Tuesday and I will just annoy him and Brenda with reminder texts so they won't forget. Today was an awesome day Lord :) I mostly made Chorizo and eggs for myself and then the kids when they came home. Took a little nap watching Everyone loves Raymond, pretty funny. I was listening to my pastor on straight talk app on my phone while I was showering this morning and It was cool because this morning I was reading about how the enemy tries lying to us in Hebrews and putting things in our minds. While my pastor was talking about hearing you. That's the title of his message: Hearing God. In the message he talks about how people become lukewarm and start treasuring things more than you. He also talks about how the devil tries putting thoughts in our heads like how hard it is trying to be Christian and that it limits us and I had to stop showering and just reflect on that. It brought me back to two days ago when I had my breakdown and I felt limited with everything even my own writing and career choices because of how much bad things there are. Like you have rumors of celebrities who sold their souls just to get where they are and that is scary to me because I want to get into filmmaking but thought come and I just get freaked out but now I see that it's the devil trying to trip me Lord. If I look at it like this it makes so much sense: You give us instructions to live happy and peaceful lives that pleases you first and then us  because to be frank-we aren't doing stupid things like getting drunk, murdering, getting high and then getting diseases by being unfaithful. We have to be productive so we won't get lazy (which I still need to get out of to be honest Lord) We have clean language because it sets a good example with kids and then doesn't start random fights around us. We selfless because it makes peace and builds good relationships. Loving others like we love ourselves help us not become so numb in this world and heartless. To be honest God I have a temper...I can hold it in but sometimes I just want to punch somebody especially heartless people or random people who annoy me. Other time Lord I just don't feel anything._. It worries me sometimes but I'm learning I guess. One day at a time you help me feel and love those around me. Sometimes I think I feel too much tho but....I don't know, I'm weird. Maybe I broke my face muscles a long time ago???? I want to smile and when I try smiling it feels so fake like the Mona Lisa's smile and then I feel rude. Most of the time I'm brutally honest or I play too much with somebody and end up hurting their feelings...anyways I'm starting to see why you have the instructions you have. I like that when I read about the followers in the bible they genuinely loved each other. They were affectionate with each other and helped each other out and were just one big happy family and it just makes me want to meet all of them! Like I have so many questions I guess and want to hear their stories. I'm learning about myself too Lord and I learned a while ago that I'm pretty affectionate too but also standoffish. I'm a cuddlier Lord and maybe I have some alone anxiety I don't know. I know I don't like the silence. Silence does't mix well with me...I need noise or something like the tv on. It can not be silent for me....I can't wait to go home Lord. I want to see all my family and just take one big nap with them. I was also thinking of the types of jobs there will be in Heaven Lord and what I can do. I don't know. I heard that there are jobs in Heaven and I was thinking...I like cooking and I like other people to eat what I make so I will be glad to cook. Am I being too, what's the word, literal or thinking too much about jobs here on Earth??? I'm curious but I guess I will just have to find out when I go home to you Lord. Goodnight God, goodnight Jesus, and goodnight Holy Spirit.

Candy.