The Son and the Sparrow

Chapter Forty Six (v3)

Chapter Forty Six

The walls couldn't have been any whiter if they had been bleached. Leon stared blankly at the painted stone blocks, head just inches away from its rough surface. Could he ram his head hard enough against it to kill himself? If he were to attempt such a thing, he had to commit. The last thing he wanted was a headache and to be very much alive. The promise of at least unconscious bliss was enough to tempt him. Even if it didn't kill him, he'd at least have some silence. Maybe he'd even knock those irritating memories of his life out of his head. He allowed himself to wonder, only for a moment, would it would be like if he completely lost his identity, and writhed in pleasure at the thought. It would be as though the atrocities in his life never happened. As though Haley and Clay never lived. Leon wondered what kind of path he would choose for his new life. Was his sin so embedded within him he'd make the same choices? Or would he be normal, like everyone else?

Leon's forehead fell forward, and he rested it against the cool rock with a sigh. He felt so empty inside. His rage had been replaced by a strange emptiness, yet he wasn't satisfied. It was as though something was missing. As though killing Cale had been meaningless. He didn't know how he had expected to feel after killing Cale, but he didn't expect this. He wished he could kill himself, but he couldn't in this place. They watched too closely. Something that told him it wasn't time yet. But why not? Hadn't he killed his son's murderer? Was it that he hadn't found Iris? Leon threw his body backward, so that he laid on the ground, a solid cement yet just as cold against his back. He turned his head to the side, so he was looking out the small window of his cell, set into the door. They were keeping him here for the time being. Leon thought for a moment about admiting everything. Maybe enough drugs would make him forget. He wondered why he didn't feel a crushing pain from losing Haley.

Not your fault. Not your fault. It was Cale.

Leon smiled. His sweet angel. His adorable-

It was night. The building buzzed in a low pitch, continuously, so softly most didn't even notice it. It was strange, the noises you could hear when you paid attention. It was even stranger to think that others didn't detect the small sounds. How usually they were too busy to look up at the moon and notice its phase. How people didn't seem to notice the differences of time passing. The only evidence they relied on was a string of meaningless numbers, invented by man. Leon closed his eyes and fell into the darkness.

When he opened his eyes again his immediate thought was that it was morning. The room was bright. It shined behind his lids with such intensity it was almost as though they weren't there to protect them.

"Wake up." Someone whispered softly.

Leon could have sworn it was Haley who beckoned him. He opened his eyes and saw her beautiful smile enveloped in light. He felt the way her lips pressed against his, but as he reached a hand up to cup her face all was darkness again. She was gone for a moment, then appeared once more.

"Haley." He muttered in awe.

"You killed me." She accused.

Leon winced. "I know." He admitted.

"You let our family down." She glared at him.

"I'm so sorry Haley."

"You have the chance to save our son Leon. And you're wasting it."

Leon blinked. "I don't...understand."

"Our boy Leon. Don't you love him?

"Of course."

"You're chasing your tail."

"Your fault." Clay's voice whispered.

"Don't you know his murderer still lives?"