The Son and the Sparrow

Chapter Nineteen(v3)

Chapter Nineteen

Leon got out of Haley's Camry, took a quick look around to be sure no threats lurked (a habit he had picked up and had never successfully broken), and walked toward the grocery store. All of this reeked of past times and normality. Leon grabbed a cart and walked through the electronic doors, feeling a blast of air conditioning hit his face. He took out a slip of paper from his pocket to glance at the list Haley had written for him, and raised his eyes to the mazing aisles, wondering how the hell he was going to find all these items. Then again, he had nothing else to do with his time today, at least until Haley came home, so this posed the most interesting challenge he could hope for. Which was almost a shame. Regardless, he braved the florescent lighting and constant question for assistance by irritating employees to seek out the items Haley needed. He yawned, looking over cans of tomato sauce.

He and Haley had been living together for a week now, perhaps a little longer. Being with her was like heaven. But most days she had to work, and the loneliness, and the numbness of Clay's death would return to him. He knew this was only part of the healing process. It was natural for him to experience periods of sadness. Random times during the day he'd burst out in sobs. He couldn't believe all that hurt and pain hadn't diminished itself. It had still been there. But having Haley around made it better. With her by his side, Leon knew he had someone to count on, someone who could empathize with his situation. Someone who was going through the same exact process. When she came home they'd eat and watch a movie together. Then they'd cuddle on the bed, Leon hugging her to him, and stroking her hair as they shared their mourning. Haley cried more than he did. Leon, in comparison, hardly cried during that time of day when they'd empty their sadness together. Haley would fall asleep in Leon's arms, and Leon would gently remove himself from her, then return to the guest room to sleep. He hadn't earned enough of her trust to spend time that intimate together, a fact Leon was aware of but wasn't bitter about. Although they were close and spent every moment they could together, Leon could still sense that Haley didn't completely trust him. It was as though she was waiting for him to snap and slit her throat. As if he could hurt one hair on her beautiful head. Perhaps she wasn't as daft as he thought after all these years. Or maybe she had become more perceptive. When Haley was gone, Leon was left with nothing. He felt almost like that living shell again. The only thing that kept him going was Haley, and the promise that it would get better.

He hadn't seen any member of the flock since Dante's death. Not Daniel, nor Philip, nor Cale. Leon wasn't sure what to feel about the abandonment of his old team members. He thought he had come to some sort of understanding with Daniel. He thought, despite everything, they could have been friends again. Leon wondered if Daniel would someday enter his life again, or if he even wanted to. Perhaps that was best. Leon remembered the surge of adrenaline that had clutched his being when he pulled that trigger to Dante's head. He had felt so alive. The feeling, as disgusting as it may seem, was intoxicating. It blurred out the mourning, the sadness. No wonder everyone worried that he would return to his old ways. It brought him comfort in a strange way, and had been a welcome distraction. He questioned to himself who killed Clay. It wasn't a pleasant thought, yet he wondered it still. Cale perhaps? He seemed like a better choice than Joanna. Still, even if Cale had killed Clay, he wouldn't go after the insane man. It would be suicide. He knew that. Yet it was so damn tempting. Maybe part of him simply still wanted to die.

Leon's hand rose, then froze before grabbing a pack of cream cheese. Did Haley want the regular or low fat? He bit his lip, locked in one of the most grueling decisions of his life. In the end, he picked up the regular. He checked out, watching the cashier, and began walking back to his car.