Kay's Diaries (Louis Tomlinson)

Last Entry: Happy Ending

And this is the last entry... I have a feeling you'll like it. I'm really happy because you read this story, because you decided to understand Kay. Thanks.

Last dedication to @saskey. Thank you for that comment, I love you, too.

Bel, xx

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Last Entry: Happy Ending

ROGEEEEEEER!

Oh my God, it’s been son long since the last time I wrote on you. I think things were fine and well, the Louis Project was over long time ago. Last time I wrote on you someone was at my door. It was indeed Ryan, he needed my camera (he’s a photographer). But that wasn’t the surprise, it was Louis. Just like an hour later he was at my door. I thought it was Ryan again but I almost had a heart attack when I saw him through the peephole.

Ironic, isn’t it? How I was thinking of him coming to me… how I wanted him to show me he was doing better. And that’s what he did. He knocked at my door over and over again and I refused to open. Believe me, it was so hard. But I knew that if I saw him in the eyes I wouldn’t be able to resist him. I had to be strong.

Do you wanna know what he did? He sang to me. A whole mash-up of songs, starting with If You See Kay. He keeps saying nowadays that we should charge The Script for copyright or something. Silly Louis. He sang these songs that really represent us, I guess. He sang True Love and Please Don’t Leave Me by P!nk, also Band Aid by Pixie Lott —I was really laughing at this part— and She Is Love by Parachute. That one really touched my soul.

But it wasn’t the serenade what showed me he was doing better. Of course it wasn’t the serenade! It was the fact that he was there, humiliating himself in the hall of my building just to get me to open the door. He was being his extroverted self, making jokes, cracking me up with all the foolish things he said, making my neighbours uncomfortable —Ryan can’t still look him in the eyes. He was being the Louis everyone talked about, but also the Louis I always knew it was there, the real one.

He really made me laugh that day.

And when I opened the door and asked me for an explanation he apologised, really apologised. He told me he loved me and he was sorry. He told he needed me because he wanted to get better and because he wanted to be with me. He showed me how much he was actually trying, on his own.

But you know what was the biggest proof of his change? No, it wasn’t the Starbucks frapuccino, it was the fact he talked to Eleanor. He went to her and forgave her for what happened, and he also forgave himself for not fighting. I guess he was always mad at himself, too. Not only for not being enough, but for not trying to be enough. He promised me that for me he would always fight. But he won’t need that; right, Roger? Because he has always been more than enough for me.

I love him so much. Of course I gave him another chance, because I saw he changed, because I could see the real Louis without alcohol, without having to push and nag him. His eyes didn’t show sorrow and loneliness anymore; his eyes showed love.

And since then things have been great. That’s the reason I haven’t written. First, I finished the documentary and it’s amazing. Everyone loved it and I did great with my thesis. I’m officially a movie director. I have many projects now, and I work side-by-side with One Direction and Prodigy. Janet convinced me at the end after the video I made for them which helped them to get on top of the world.

Second: Louis. We’ve been spending as much time together as possible, getting to know each other as best as we can —he loves asking me questions. He even met my family and my mum adores him. Louis really likes to go visiting them. His family is adorable, too; his mum is so nice and she always thanks me for helping her son. His sisters are so cute! And they love helping me to make home movies when we go visit them. Family is really important to me, you know, so Louis spends more time at home since we got together.

Oh yeah, we’re officially together and even the fans gave us a name: Kouis. Louis says it should be Lay because it starts with his name, but Kouis is way cooler, right? Go team Kouis! BTW, fans are really funny and they have accepted me. Last week we ran into a rather small group of them, no more than fifteen and I literally threw Louis at them. What can I say? I have to share, he is a fine man. Paul yelled at me for doing that, but Louis got out without a scratch and the fans got to touch his butt. Everyone won!

But the most important thing is that we’ve fallen even deeper in love with each other and Louis is fine, completely fine. Better than ever! And I’m really proud of him. That’s why I’ve decided to give you, Roger, to Louis. So he can see how I’ve felt all this time, how I saw his evolution.

So… Louis. Now you can actually see that it wasn’t a game for me, I always took you seriously. I always wanted more than what I could accept. I suffered, yes, but it was worth it because now we’re where we are and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. You make me happy.

Now you can understand what happened, how it was for me.

Now I know that one of our biggest problems was that we always assumed what the other felt but we never talked. I’m happy to say we don’t make that mistake anymore.

I loved you practically since the beginning and I’ve only fallen more in love with you since then. I fell for you with your craziness, with your eccentric behaviour, with your caring personality, with your philosophical moments, and with your dumb moments, too. I’ve fallen in love with you completely.

You’ve been the only person for whom I’ve fought and I want you to know that I would never do this for anyone else. If you ever doubt of my feelings again, if you think that I may find someone better one day, then take Roger and read it. Read every page and remember that I love you more than I love anyone else and there’s no one more perfectly imperfect for me than you. Keep Roger with you and always remember that I love you with all I am.

Forever yours,
Kay