My Warrior

In Reality

"Nothing, it just waved!"

"Oh my gosh!" Ari laughed. "Your jokes are SO lame!"

"Oh hush, you know you love em."

She just smiled, but her smile faded when the door opened and Mary walked in with a tray off food. Normally Ari ate before I got here, but today she woke up late.

"Eat what you can." Mary told her, setting down the tray and walking out.

"Ugh." Ari groaned. "I should have gotten up. Now you have to see me being all sick and stuff."

I shrugged. "Makes no difference to me."

She didn't smile, she couldn't. My being there was really affecting her, she ate extremely slowly and then stopped all together.

"Ariana. C'mon. You have to eat to get better."

"I don't see how eating will help if I never keep down any of my food." She frowned.

"It sucks."

"I know."

I wasn't expecting what happened next, she let her head fall into her hands and started to cry. I jumped up from the chair and sat next to her on the bed, wrapping my arms around her shaking body.

"I don't know why this happened to me!" She yelled into my chest. "What the hell did I do to deserve this!? What Jake!? It isn't fair!"

I squeezed her tighter and she sobbed harder. "I'm sorry." Was all I could say.

After a few minutes of her crying into my chest and cursing under her breath I let her go and she wiped her eyes.

"I'm ok." She lied.

"Alright."

"Can you go back in the chair please?"

"Sure."

I got off the bed and sat back down, appearing to watch tv, while watching her from the corner of my eye. She was eating with tears silently falling into her lap. It hurt me to see her so miserable, but I couldn't do anything. In reality I could never understand how she was feeling, in reality bad things happened to good people for no reason at all, in reality I couldn't take away her pain. I was learning that reality sucked.

When I really focused on Ridiculousness I heard Ari's feet hit the ground and the bathroom door open. I rushed after her and she let me rub her back while she lost all the food she had eaten. She was right, why were the doctors making her eat if she couldn't keep down the food anyways?

I waited for her while she cleaned up and washed her mouth.

"Hi." Mary said, entering the room. "I came for the tray."

I gave her Ari's still half full tray and frowned.

"Mary...if Ariana can't keep down her food, why make her eat?"

"Well...it's complicated. Wouldn't you give a sick child medicine even if they didn't like the medicine?"

"Yeah..."

"Think of it like that. Just because it's not something you want doesn't mean you don't need it."

I nodded in understanding, but I was still confused about why an 18 year old had no say in whether or not she ate.

"Hang in there kid. She's stronger than she looks, you have no idea how much guts it takes to start something like this back up again after going without it for a while. I bet she was happier when she stopped."

Mary had a good point. The treatments side affects sucked, but Ari still agreed to start Chemo again. I wondered how hard of a choice that must've been. Mary left and I was alone again, just waiting on Ari. When she came out of the bathroom her face seemed pale and she was shivering.

"I'm cold."

I ran out to the hall because Mary couldn't have gotten far, I spotted her talking to a doctor and waited politely for them to acknowledge my presence.

"Yes?" The doctor asked.

I looked at Mary. "Can I have another blanket, Ari's shivering."

"Yes of course, excuse me Doc."

She let me follow her to an employee closet and handed me a blanket, then a pillow.

"Uh, Nurse Mary I didn't ask for another pillow."

She nudged my shoulder. "Oh please, she tells me how you keep her warm. Take it."

I smiled and took the pillow, I got weird looks from nurses and patients on the walk back to Ariana's room, but I ignored it. Ari was already laying down when I got into the room. I kicked off my sneakers and layed next to her, putting my pillow under my head. I wrapped her up in the blanket and held her close.

"I'm sorry you have to spend another day keeping me warm."

"There's nothing else I'd rather be doing."

"Gosh I frikin love you."

I laughed at the way she said it."I frikin love you too."

She shivered in my arms until she finally fell asleep. I wanted this to be over as much as her, I just wanted her healthy again. I wanted her happy again. I wanted my old Ari back. Smiley, confident, outgoing Ari.