Memoirs Of a survivor

24. The Morning After the Night Before

I jumped up from my sleep which had been plagued by the usual nightmares and my senses came flooding back to me. I was too hot, and my pillow slightly too firm, looking properly, I realised that my pillow was moving. Its slight rise and fall gave the illusion that it was breathing. Then it dawned on me, I was looking at a sleeping Aron. At some point in the night I must have moved on top of him, and snuggled into his chest. I tried not to wake him, as I moved out of his grip, but as I lifted myself, his arms reached out and pulled me back down and since I couldn't use one of my arms, I easily fell back on top of him with one leg either side. Giving up on my plan, I woke him up.
"Aron," I whispered, "Aron" I spoke a little louder
"mmm" he grumbled in his sleep, I shook him lightly as he blinked his dark sleepy eyes at me. he looked confused "what is it," I wriggled in his arms again
"umm, I'm trapped" he suddenly smirked at me,
"well this position does have its merits" pulling his arms tighter around me and grinding his hips into me I froze hating this position
"Don't" I whispered warningly before I got a chance to break down. At my serious expression, he loosened his grip, put didn't let go
"please tell me why you can't stand to be held, why you freaked out when I kissed you" I shook my head, my face remaining Stoney
"I can't" I choked out and his eyes softened in defeat as he let go of me, letting his hands fall to the bed as I released a breath that I didn't know I had been holding and got out of the bed and left the room.

Sighing I realised that I had to go home, school would begin again tomorrow morning and I needed to go and take whatever beating my father was dishing out for the day. Since I had gotten up early it was still dark outside I had to wait for Aron to wake up. I found that it wasn't raining, I loved going outside this early, the town was still asleep, and the world wouldn't hassle me. I usually did some kind of exercise when I was this restless, but the pain in my arm ebbed away in warning, so I just sat in the window, and watched the sun rise, I used the time to think about what to do after high school ended, as I usually did when I was sat not doing anything. It must have been hours later when I stopped thinking, because the next thing I knew, Aron was clearing his throat behind me in the living room.

"oh, erm, hi" I sat awkwardly in the window, I hadn't put the shorts back on after I scrambled out of bed, so I felt rather exposed as I sat there
"hi," he replied after a moments silence he blurted out "I'm sorry" as a rosy blush slowly spread up his neck, but I let him carry on "I didn't mean to do what I did this morning, I didn't mean to push you, or make you feel uncomfortable, I know you don't like it when I come onto you, I didn't think, it's just" he paused thinking of how to phrase his next sentence and then letting it out in a breath "I want to understand you so much, but you keep pushing me away" I hadn't moved from my position, I couldn't, I mean how could I, I was shocked by his admission, and I couldn't bring myself to outright tell him it would never happen, so I just smiled, and took a step towards to him
"I just can't" I said then walked around him to find the shorts that I wore earlier.

I left the bathroom, dragging my fingers through the messy hair atop my head. Going in search of Aron, I found him sat on the phone, with a smirk on his face
"mmm, I can't wait for you to model it for me" I couldn't hear what was being said on the other end, but I could tell it was a girls voice, I signed that I was ready to go with my hands, and turned to go and put my shoes on, which were by the front door. I heard him wrapping up his phone call as I stood up from the simple task of putting on my shoes which had taken much longer than usual considering I only had one hand. He came to the door beside me, and opened it up. I followed him outside and to the car climbing inside as he unlocked the doors. He only spoke to ask for directions, but he was otherwise silent.
"You can pull over here" I said looking up at him, he didn't return my look, he just pulled over, and let me out, before I closed the door, I looked up at him "thank you, for everything. I'll find some way to pay you back" I said quietly trying to push how thankful I really was through my words, but he still didn't look up, just clenched his fists around the steering wheel, turning his knuckles white. I stepped back and shut the door and he sped off, as though I wasn't there.

I hadn't let him get to my actual house, so that my dad didn't see the car. Taking a deep breath I began the short walk to my front door. I hadn't taken my key to get into the house when my dad broke my arm, but it wasn't a problem since the front door wasn't locked. Making it inside, I looked around for my dad, but I didn't find him. I looked around the house. Since Friday night, nothing had changed; I wasn't even convinced he had been home since then. The house was a mess, so I stacked the dishwasher, and tidied up, throwing away old bottles, suspicious smelling cigarettes, and food that my father had left before getting some ice for my arm and climbing into bed.

School had 'suggested I do more extracurricular activities' and had signed me up to help out with the PE department. That meant that I had to either stay after school, or do it in my dinner time, I sighed and rolled over, snuggling into the fluffy bedding that surrounded me, I couldn't sleep, but I still enjoyed its fuzzy warmth until it was time to get up.

Dad still hadn't been back yet, which meant that he was on a binge probably in a crack den somewhere, on the up side though I probably wouldn't see him for at least another day. There was money stored under his mattress that I could use to buy food, and he would be happy, as long as the cupboard were stocked with booze, aspirin, and biscuits when he got back.

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