Oh, boy [5] boyxboy bdsm

Fifteen

What if I never saw him again? I didn't want to think that way but I wasn't sure I could stand to watch him drive away knowing it could be for the last time. I didn't have a choice though, my body wouldn't turn and head inside no matter how much I wanted it to. I wanted to salvage a little bit of my pride and be the first one to leave but I just couldn't. And then he made the decision for me, pulling away from the front of the building. I just stood there, knowing I would stare until his tail lights disappeared around the corner. And after that? I had no idea what I would do, honestly. I couldn't think that far ahead.

He turned quickly and made a loop in the parking lot, pulling into an empty space. I thought my heart was already beating out of my chest but it had been nothing compared to what was going on now. Was he mad? Was he going to punish me? I would take it at this point, it was better than him leaving. I hated that thought and I hated myself for thinking it. I stuck my hands in my pockets but they didn't really fit so I crossed them under my armpits but realized I looked stupid. They ended up hanging limply at my sides. I looked and felt like a rag doll.

He walked right up to me, gripping my elbow just hard enough for me to know he meant it and turned me towards the apartment. "You can not stand out here, let's go." He didn't say another word until we were at my door. I thought he would turn and disappear down the stairs but he didn't. "Unlock the door Chris."

I fumbled with it but manage to get the key in and turned. He reached forward and twisted the knob, then pushed the door open. "I'm sorry Sir. Please don't make me wait, please?" I caught his eyes, something he normally didn't let me do for long. He looked like he always did which was a relief; I was expecting him to be furious.

"Did you just have a meltdown?"

"Maybe, yeah. I mean not like yours, yours are awful but I didn't mean to..." I didn't have words to explain how crazy my brain had gotten. "I was scared and I mean I AM scared and I just couldn't deal with it, I guess. But I shouldn't have lashed out at you, it's all my fault anyway." I fell onto the couch and propped my elbows on my knees and rested my head in my hands. "I didn't know how to count the blanket!" I had spent more time than I cared to admit trying to decide if three pillows and one blanket was right or if four pillows would be better and I could lump the blanket into a different category. I'd put the blanket in the hall closet for awhile but I liked to use it and it ended up back on the couch. I grabbed the pillow next to me and threw it across the room. "Fucking pillows!"

"Two blankets and two pillows would be best but it's not my house, it doesn't matter. Only you have to like it."

"But you never come in, I just wanted you to be comfortable. But it's stupid, it's such a little thing and I can't do the big things right so what's the point?"

"You do most things right and others you fix after being corrected. Some you do in your own way which isn't wrong either, really. Maybe not preferable but not wrong."

"Why are you here? I don't understand." I'd expected him to drive away and then when he'd parked to maybe drop me off at my door but I never thought he'd be IN my apartment tonight.

"You asked me to come. Do you want me to leave?"

"NO!" I turned towards him but managed to keep my hands to myself. "I want you here."

"I often like company after my meltdowns as well which is why I came in, although I can clearly see why people prefer to leave me alone. You're being irrational. I will say though that throwing pillows is highly preferable to throwing plates. I'll try to remember that next time although I doubt it's nearly as cathartic."

He was so damn calm, so absolutely unflustered that I found myself wanting to laugh. His reaction was exactly what I needed but also so impossibly ridiculous that I smiled. "You're good at this. I'll try being you the next time you implode."

"If I'm being helpful I'm glad but I'm not sure both of us freaking out would help anything." His stomach let out a growl and we both ended up staring at it for absolutely no reason.

That was it, I lost it. I laughed until I had tears streaming down my face. He was hungry and we should have been eating but instead we were at my apartment where there was no, WAIT! "I have food!" I managed to croak out. "You..." It was thanks to him, of course. Everything was. I was a mess but I could feed him. "I have leftovers" I said, managing to stand and walk towards the fridge. "They're good."

"Very well. You should eat if you're hungry."

"I'm not hungry. Or do you want pancakes!?!!" They sounded so good and it was meltdown food after all.

"You seem very excited about the pancakes."

I would probably mess them up and leftovers were more dinnerish. "No, we should do leftovers."

"Whatever you want is fine as long as you're capable of actually deciding."

Of course I could decide! "You like chicken, right?"

"Yes. Make the leftovers Chris. Did you make this for one of your lessons?"

"Yeah, Mike supervised so it's non-toxic. You're talkative tonight." I muttered, putting the container into the microwave. "I figured you'd have me thrown over your knee or be yelling at me or just be sitting there silently judging me. Why are you being nice?"

"I wasn't being not-nice earlier. It's a date night, I'm supposed to be nice. You were the one, as Kevin so kindly puts it, flipping out."

He had a point, I guess. "But what's wrong with our contract? What are you changing it Sir? What's going to happen?"

"That's a discussion for another time." I sat the plates on the table and he came over and had a seat. "This looks quite good."

"You know how my brain works, you know I can't let this go. I've been worried since you mentioned it on New Years Eve." I practically shoveled food into my face even though I didn't feel hungry. I was just going through the motions I guess or perhaps part of my brain knew I needed to eat. "This is me Friday, I'm going to be drooling and running through the streets naked by Sunday. Help me, please?"

He put his fork down and leaned back in the chair. "Fine. I will try. I don't have the paperwork in front of me Chris but I wanted to discuss if whether Fridays and Sundays were still the best options for our time together and whether or not you were seeing anyone else. A few other things, small changes. But talk of days and times is much easier in person; it seemed silly to pass paperwork back and forth for weeks. I thought if we worked an alternative out now we could try it next week and see how it felt before re-signing."

Oh. That didn't sound so bad. It made sense, really. Why did it matter if I was dating anyone else though? "I'm not seeing anyone else. Are you?"

"Not currently, no."