Finding Myself (phanfiction and kickthestickz) (completed)

chapitre trios

"PHIL!" I call out leaning towards my laptop charger that was on my bedside table just out of my reach. Phil walks in and looks at my dilemma. "Please?" I ask quietly and he sighs.

"Fine, but ONLY because you're sick," he says and plugs in my laptop. "You need your medicine now anyways," he says leaving the room I had just got the flu and Phil was taking care of me like he always does.

"UGH!" I groan. "BUT IT TASTES LIKE LAMPPOSTS!"  Phil enters the room carrying a glass of water and pill giggling.

"I'm sure you know exactly what lampposts taste like," he say and I take the pill and over dramatizes a disgusted face. "Get better," he says and pats my head goofily before walking to the door.

"Thanks mum!" I say jokingly and he smiles over his shoulder at me. I snuggle in my bed and smile. Phil always knew how to take care of me. I turn my laptop on again and begin to read the comments of PJs latest safety video that had me in it. One of the top comments on the video catches my eye.

"I TOTALLY SHIP KICKTHEFIRE!" the comment read. I smile to myself.

"See?" I say quietly to myself. "They think it's a good idea," that's when the idea strikes me. Oh yes, I need to see if this is a thing. I click the tab that had tumblr up and begin typing in the search bar, "Kickthefire fan fiction" (I don't actually know if this is a thing its for the story :b) and sure enough, to my delight, at least five different stories appear leaving me staring dumbstruck at the screen. To read? Or to not read? I look over my laptop as if I'm going to see someone watching in on me and realize, what fuck, let's see what happens!

I click on the first story that pops up and begin reading intently. After the first chapter I think to myself that I'll just read one more, but once I finish the second, I know there's no turning back. God this stuff is so addictive.

I reach the fourth chapter almost in tears because in the story, when Dan, well, I finally start to fall for PJ, he got a different boyfriend. by chapter six, I'm a fucking waterfall and have gone through at least fifteen tissues. This story is really getting to me. I keep reading and tears of joy run down my face this time as PJ and I realize that we were always made for each other and had a moving moment.

"I guess it was always," PJ whispers into Dan's ear in the story.

"We've both been blinded by the truth, but not anymore," my character says back.

More silent tears stream down and when I turn to the next chapter, in big letters at the top it says, "SMUT SCENE." Smut. Why have I been wanting this to come up in the story? Oh yeah, because smut=sex. I smile deviously and begin reading. I try so hard not to get aroused as I read the very explicit chapter about sex with PJ and let me tell you, it's EXTREMELY HARD (no pun intended).

By the end of the scene I look down at the bulge on my pants. Oh wow. Words cannot describe how much I want to have that with PJ. I decide to ignore my "issue" and continue reading. The ending begins to get as some people would say "fluffy." My character and PJ's begin to hold hands in their flat together when they share a kiss.

"I've always loved how our lips fit perfectly together," Pj says to Dan. Dan smiles.

"That's how you know they're the one," Dan says back quietly. The chapter ended and I close my laptop slowly. Tears trickle down my face. But, this time they weren't happy. he doesn't like me. he never will like me. I scratch at my cuts on my hip earning me pain, but not enough to give me a relief.

I step slowly out of bed and begin to tip toe to the bathroom carefully so Phil wouldn't see me up. I look back and forth down the hallway and walk slowly to the bathroom and begin to open the door when a voice is heard behind me.

"You alright, Dan?" Phil asks sounding concerned. I pray that he can't tell that I've been crying.

"Fine," I say as normal as possible and quickly slip in the bathroom. I reach for the cupboard and fumble with my razor from trembling when I cut at my hip again. One fore PJ not liking me. One for being my fault that he doesn't like me. One for being me. And one for me being the worlds biggest mistake. Four cuts in all. They're deep this time. More tears spill out of my eyes. Why can't PJ like me back? Why? I get a towel and was my face to make it look like I wasn't crying. I did a remarkable job too.

I walk back in my bedroom and climb back in the messy covers where more silent tears run down my face as I slowly cry myself to sleep.

so short