I'm Not Okay (rewrite)

Chapter Nineteen

"Why?" Bob asks me after we sit down with our coffee. I assume he's talking about me almost jumping.

"Eariler this year, I was pregnant. Miscarriage. My sister committed suicide a few days ago. There's been drama and confusion about me ending up with either Gerard or Frank. I trusted Frank and now he's cheating on me with some Amy bitch. My life has been a living hell these past few months and I'm done. I don't want to be alive any more if this is how it's going to be."

"Wow. That's crazy. I'm so sorry."

"How do you do it? Put up with life?" I ask him.

"I honestly have no idea. I've been suicidal since I left the band and I have no clue how I've kept myself alive this long. I've been feeling down in the dumps lately too," He says."Wanna jump together?" He asks after a few moments of silence.

"I would love to, but you have fans, Bob. Tons of people would miss you if you jumped. If I jump, no one will miss me. I'm not famous, I only have a few friends. Frank will have Amy, Mikey and Claire have each other, Anna and Nelly have each other, and Ray and Gerard have each other. Everyone has other friends, so I'm allowed to die. You, on the other hand, are not." I say, then sip my coffee. Bob does the same.

"Well, if I can't jump, you can't jump."

"Bob-" I start, but Bob cuts me off.

"I would miss you."

"Bob, we just met! You wouldn't miss me."

"But I would. I can prove it, too!"
"Bobbert, how are you gonna do that?" Before I can register what's happening, Bob's lips are on mine, and before I realize what I'm doing, I'm kissing back.

"Now you can't jump," he smirks.

"Aww, fuck you Bob," I laugh.

"Please do." I can't tell if he's kidding because of the serious look on his face. "I should probably get you back to the hotel."

"Actually, could you walk me back to the bus?" I can't jump now, thanks to Bob. I know that if I jump, he will too, and he has too many fans to do that.

"Are you sure you want to go back there?"

"I'm going to have to face him sooner or later."I shrug. We stand up and start the walk to the bus.

As the bus comes into sight, I feel a chill run down my spine. I don't want to see Frank, but I really do have to.

"Do you want me to go in with you?" Bob asks me as he wraps his arm around me shoulder. I nod, and he knocks on the door.

Gerard pops his head out of the door, after opening it. "Bob? What the fuck are you doing here?" Gerard half-yells. I forgot, there's probably still tension between them.

"I'm bringing this lovely lady home, because I found her on top of a building, about to jump! Maybe you should watch over your friends for once!" Bob yells back. I see tears form in Gerard's eyes as he looks to me.

"Is that true?" Gerard whispers, his voice barely raising high enough to be heard over the city traffic. I silently nod, and look down at my feet. "Come on, lets get you out of the cold." He takes my hand, and pulls me into the bus, slamming the door in Bob's face.

"I'm sorry Gerard." I whisper.

"It's ok. Just don't do it again," he says, as if he doesn't even care. He's probably mad that I was with Bob.

I stalk off to find Frank. I want to know all about this Amy chick.

Before I find Frank, I hear a knock at the door.Oh, yeah, Bob. Oops, I was supposed to let him in, so I open the door. Bob walks in and sits on the couch, obviously familiar with the layout of the bus.

I find Frank laying in his bunk listening to music. Being the rude bitch that I am, I yank out one of his earbuds.

"What the fu-" he stops himself when he looks up at me.

"Who the fuck is this Amy bitch?!" I yell at him.

"Well, um, she, I don't know how to tell you this, and I think you already know."

"Yes, I think I do. How did you meet her?"

"She was around a lot when Bob was in the band. I think they dated."

"Oh, so you just cheated on me with another man's girlfriend?"

"No, they broke up a while ago. I'm sorry Caroline."

"But obviously not sorry enough to not go behind my back with another girl. answer me this: what does she have that I don't? What is so much better about her than me?"

"Well, to start off, she doesn't want to kill herself, she can eat enough to support a child, she never cut..." he counts off the list on his fingers.

"Oh my god Frank! You did not just go there!" I screamed at him.

Gerard and Bob hear the commotion and come up behind me.

"What the fuck Frank! You know she's fucking sensitive!" Bob shouts.

"Why the fuck are you here Bob?!"

"Does that even matter right now?! Does it even matter to you that I saved your girlfriend-"

"Ex-girlfriend" I jut in

"-Ex-girlfriend, from killing herself by jumping off of a building?!"

"You were going to jump? But you promised you wouldn't-"

"And you said you loved me! Is that not also a promise you broke?!" By this time, I'm in tears and I can feel my non-waterproof mascara running down my face mixed in with my warm, salty tears.

"Come on Bob." I say to Bob while grabbing his hand. He grips onto my own hand and we walk straight off the bus and towards the hotel where Bob and I first met those many minutes ago.

We make it to the roof and take our time walking towards the ledge.

"Are you ready to do this?" Bob asks me.

"For sure this time."

"No, wait!" I hear Ray scream.

"No more waiting Ray! I have been putting this off for way too long!" I yell back because he is all the way across the roof.

"Please, don't jump. You so much to live for." he says, approaching me as he would with a rabid dog.

"Really? Name one thing."

"Caroline, you have a college education and such great music skills. You could get a job, live a good life, forget this ever happened." He says edging close enough where he doesn't have to yell.

"I can't just forget this. It hurts too much." Suddenly, Bob grabs my face, kissing my lips passionately.

Now is the perfect time.

I grip Bob's hands tightly and jump.