I'm Not Okay (rewrite)

Chapter Eighteen

"I love you guys!" Gerard yells to the audience as he finishes the last concert of this tour. I feel like this tour has lasted forever. I guess its because of all the drama. Luckily, the tour is now over, and hopefully so is the drama. I'm going to be moving in with Frank soon, so we can settle down, and maybe start a family. But the truth is, I'm not sure I want to start a family. The idea of kids doesn't seem too appealing to me. I guess I'll have to talk to him about that.

"Frank!" I call out to grab his attention. He doesn't hear me.

"FRANK!" I yell again, this time he turns around to face me. I wave my hands and he comes running, leaving a group of fans behind. He shoves a piece of paper into his pocket, I assume a drawing or letter from a fan.

"Hey Caroline, what's up?" He asks, flashing me a cute grin and giving me a big hug.

"Can we talk? Alone and on the bus?" I ask him. He nods and hugs me tighter.

"I'll be right back cutie, there's just a few more fans that need autographs." I blush, and turn back to the bus.

Inside, I find Claire sprawled out across the couch.

"Moooove your lazy butt." I grumble, and push Claire's legs off the edge of the sofa, and sit in their place. After laying on the couch behind Claire, Frank walks in.

"Hey, baby! What was it you wanted to tell me?" Frank asks in an unusually cheery tone. Claire takes this as her cue to leave, and she does just that.

"I-I, uh... I thought you might need to know that... I, Frank, I don't want to have kids. I know you wanted to start a family, but kids just don't seem like a good idea to me." I say quickly, anxious for his response.

"Oh. That's fine! I get it. Its your body, and your choice." He smiles, and seems completely happy. If I'm 100% honest, I'm a little disappointed that he doesn't care.

"Oh, um, ok. I love you." I smile.

"Yeah. I have to go, I'll be back later. Maybe tomorrow, I've got a meeting for the band." Wait, he didn't say that he loved me back. And wouldn't the rest of the band be going to the meeting? Whatever.

Frank pulls his jacket off, and leaves the bus. I think back to a few minutes ago, when Frank put the paper in his pocket. What if it has something to do with where hes going?

I rush to the jacket, and pull out the paper, then unfold it. It's a note.

Dear Frankie,

I'll be waiting for you at the hotel at 8. Don't forget about me babe!

-Amy xox

Who the hell is Amy? And what the fuck is she doing with Frank? He hasn't officially asked me out, but we have confessed love, and we act like a couple, so I guess that makes us a couple. I don't even know what we are. We're a mess, that's what we are.

I dial Frank's number into my cell and when he doesn't answer, I keep calling until he answers.

"Who's Amy?" I ask in a stern tone.

"Um, she's Amy?" Frank's voice shakes and I can tell he's scared of me. Good. Be scared, bitch.

"Who is Amy?" I repeat.

"She's, uh, she's," he stammers.

"Never mind, goodbye," I say and hang up the phone.

"Hey, what's going on? You sound stressed and angry and I don't even know what else," Claire asks, sitting down next to me on the couch. I give her the note and she pulls her phone out to call Frank.

"YOU ASSBUTT!" She yells into the phone when he picks up.

"I can explain, I-" Frank starts to say but is cut off by Claire hanging up. I feel tears start streaming down my face. This entire tour was a big mess. My baby died, my sister died, and now Frank is cheating on me. I just want to go back home and have everything be the way it was before. But now the house is trashed, and I have nowhere to go. Guess my old plan is back in action.

"Claire, I'm going for a walk to clear my head." I lie.

The cold night wind chills me as I exit the bus. We're in Chicago right now, so it shouldn't be too hard to find a building. Probably a hotel, or something.

I walk for a good ten minutes before finding a large hotel. Wow, deja vu much? I've been in this situation two too many times. But, who cares, I don't.

Quickly, I escort myself to the roof of the building, then walk to the edge. I know the drill. I reach for my phone to say my final goodbyes. It's not there. Oh, well.

"No, stop!" Someone calls from behind me. Not again.

"No, you stop! I've made up my mind! I'm jumping, and you can't change my mind!" I yell, then turn to see the man behind me. "Bob Bryar?"

"Oh, so you know who I am? Are you a My Chemical Romance fan? I used to be in that band," the man with light blue eyes and blond fringe speaks.

"Yeah, I'm dating Frank, so I'm on tour with them. Well, I used to be dating Frank, anyway. But that doesn't matter."

"Oh, I know who you are! Magazines are calling you the MCR slut. You've been seen kissing Frank, out alone with Ray, and close with Mikey."

"Oh, wow, thanks Bob." I sarcastically retort. How can I be so sassy while I'm on top of a building, about to jump?

"No, no! I didn't mean that you were a slut, I just, oh god, I don't know. I'm sorry, I get nervous around pretty girls." He stammers. I blush, but hide it behind my hair.

"Thanks. I've got some business to attend to though, so, not to be rude, but kindly fuck off, please." I say, trying to be as polite as I can. That's about as nice as I get.

"How about we go get some coffee instead?" He asks.

"Bob, you don't even know my name, not to mention it has to be like, midnight."

"Well, tell me your name. Anytime can be coffee time." He smiles.

"It's Caroline. And I really do need to do this Bob."

"Caroline is a beautiful name. Why don't we go have some coffee, then I'll take you right back here?" I guess it couldn't hurt...

"Fine," I sigh, "but you have to bring me back here as soon as we're done."