I'm Not Okay (rewrite)

Chapter Sixteen

Claire and I awoke very early the next morning, and for a good reason. Revenge.

"Ok, give me a sharpie." Claire says, and I hand her a black permanent marker. We quietly make our way to the boys bunks, and uncap our weapons of mass creation. Claire starts with Mikey, writing the words "Claire's bitch" on his forehead, and drawing a unicorn on his cheek. She puts hairspray over it, so it will take longer to come off. I went to Frank next. I wrote "mime penis" on his forehead, then drew a heart on the tip of his nose, then gave him cat whiskers. I added the hairspray, and moved to the next victim. It was Gerard. I kind of didn't want to mess with him, but I had big plans for him. Gerard never wears a shirt when he sleeps, so we wrote "I love Frank Iero" all over his chest, then drew hearts around his eyes. After we covered his face and chest with hairspray, we stole all of his tshirts, so he will have to go to tonight's concert shirtless. For Ray, we wrote "princess Fro Fro" on his forehead and drew a stick figure with curly hair on his cheek.

Claire and I got back into bed, and fell back asleep.

"MIME PENIS?" I hear Frank scream. He stomps into the bunk room, and pulls the curtain away from the bunk. "Mime penis? Why Caroline? Why?"

"Because you took a picture of me and Claire cuddling. It's not my fault I'm a cuddle slut. I just want cuddles all the time. I can't get enough." I say very weakly. My throat is sore and scratchy, and my stomach hurts really badly.

"You can cuddle me anytime you want. Are you feeling ok?" he asks. I shake my head, and he puts his hand on my face. "You're burning up!"

"Take me to the couch please." I say with a very raspy voice. Frank lifts me bridal style, and carries me to the living area, where I see all of the band members scrubbing at their faces with makeup wipes.

"WHERE ARE MY MAKEUP WIPES?" I hear Claire yell from the bathroom. A look of sheer terror crosses the boys faces, before they hide the wipes behind their backs. Claire walks in the room, "hey has anyone seen my- oh my god Caroline are you ok? You look sick." Claire rushes to my side, and feels my forehead. "You've got a fever. Frank, take her to the doctors." Frank frantically nods, and takes me to the car.

I buckle my seatbelt quickly, and Frank starts to drive. The doctors office isn't that far, but it's going to feel like forever.

I close my eyes, and try to think positive thoughts. In a few months I'm going to have a baby, that's positive. Wait, the baby! This could affect the baby! Or could it? I know absolutely nothing about pregnancy!

"Frank what if it has something to do with the baby?" He doesn't respond, but I see his grip around the steering wheel get tighter. I sit back in my seat, and feel something warm on my leg. I look down, and nearly pass out. "FRANK DRIVE FASTER!"

"Why? What happened?" He keeps his eyes on the road, but questions in a panicked manor.

"There's blood all over my pajama pants! And I know for a fact it wasn't there when I put them on!"

"Shit!" Frank yells, and drives faster. We get to the doctors quickly, and Frank carries me inside.

I'm brought to a big white room, where they do a few tests. Frank and I wait impatiently for the results to come back.

"Mr and Mrs Iero?" A woman pokes her head into the room. I don't even care that she got my name wrong, I just want to know the results.

"Yes?" Frank and I say at the same time.

"We have the results of your test. I'm afraid you've had a miscarriage." I freeze. My baby is dead? I'm not going to be a mother? I think people are calling my name, but I don't listen. All that matters is that my baby is gone. I will never see him or her take their first steps. I'll never hear their first words. I'll ever get to be the proud parent of a great kid. What's the point in living with my baby gone? I promised myself that after the baby was out, I would die, but I promised Frank I wouldn't kill my self. Maybe I'll just have to get someone else to kill me. That way I'd be keeping both promises.