I'm Not Okay (rewrite)

Chapter Eleven

A girlfriend? He was going on a date with his girlfriend? We didn't even technically break up! I sit down on the closed toilet and pick up my razor from the side of the shower. Was I really going to do this? Yes, I was.

"Caroline, please don't do this!" Gerard called from outside the door. It made me a bit happy that he cared, but sad that he cared more than Frank did.

"I have to Gerard! Please understand that!"

"Caroline, just come out!" It was Frank this time. He sounded like he was crying. I'm glad he's sad! He did this to me! I slowly drag the edge of my razor across the soft flesh on my wrist. I've never cut my wrists before, just my hips and thighs. I watch as the crimson blood pours out of me. I make another cut, this one deeper.

"Come out! We can talk about this!" I can hear the sobs in Franks voice.

"Go away! You did this!" I scream at the top of my lungs. I can hear him gasp from outside the door. I hear both boys walk away. I finally feel ok. I just need some space. I cut a few more times, and exit the bathroom. I walk into one of the bedrooms, and see Gerard quietly crying on one of the beds.

"I.. Uh." I start to back towards the door, not wanting to disturb him.

"No, come here." He pats the bed next to him, and I sit down in the spot he offered.

"I'm sorry. It just really upset me that he got over me so quickly." I wipe a tear from my cheek, and feel a drop of blood drip onto my shirt.

"It's ok. If Frank really cared about you in the first place, he wouldn't have let you go so easily." I nod sadly.

"Who is his new girlfriend anyway?"

"She's, um... It's.... I'm sorry Caroline, it's Nelly." Oh my god. I feel like I'm going to be sick.

"But she... I..." I struggle to find words to describe my current situation. Gerard understands, and pulls me into a hug. I actually really like Gerard, but I'm not over Frank. I still want him back. I think. I'm not so sure anymore.

Gerard pulls away, and has a hopeful gleam in his eyes. He leans in, and so do I, and I feel literal sparks. Our lips move in sync, and I feel his tongue gently press against my bottom lip. I grant him access and feel his tongue explore my mouth. We pull away when Frank begins to speak.

"You got over me that easily? For my own best friend?" He speaks bitterly by the door.

"You're talking? You are with Nelly! The girl I've been friends with since sixth grade! I was kidnapped for gods sake! You didn't call or text or look for me! You continued on your normal life, like it was no big deal. You said you loved me! Well, guess what I fucking hate you!" I scream, my face growing red with anger. Frank looks at me confused. He shakes his head sadly, and leaves the room.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that." I apologize to Gerard.

"It's ok. I don't blame you. Why don't I cook us some dinner?" I nod and he leaves the room. I decide to check up on Claire while he's gone.

"Hey." I mutter.

"Oh my god! Where have you been? I thought you went home, but Nelly said you weren't there. You know, she was pretty worried."

"Let's not talk about Nelly. Adam kidnapped me, and I was passed out for two weeks. I'm coming back on tour, but it's gonna be pretty awkward."

"Why would it be awkward?" She is so clueless.

"Well, Frank and I broke up, and then he walked in on me and Gerard making out."

"Omg, why has no one told me this? You and Gerard would make a cute couple. But you would need to control your hair. Brown fluff does NOT match sexy red." I chuckle at her descriptions for our hair.