The Black Swans Girl

Chapter 12 - I Am So Dead

This photo is hilarious and I just had to show you guys XD

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I am so dead. The guys are definitely going to kill me. I cannot believe I said that! I really am stupid sometimes. Out of all the things I could've said, I had to say that. What was going on in my head!?!? I always knew that my mouth would end up getting me killed, but I thought I'd have a few more years left. Out of all my stupid decisions, this is the most stupid one. I should just beg them to not kill me. Maybe they'll have pity on me. Who am I kidding! They are ruthless gang leaders who don't care about me. Well, if I die then I die. It's not like anyone's going to miss me. Goodbye cruel world.

I opened my eyes after shutting them earlier on. All around me I could see shocked faces but one face was staring, well glaring, at me. Tyler. I knew he didn't like me, a blind and deaf person could tell that. But I thought.. I thought.. Well I'm not sure what I thought.

I let out a nervous chuckle. "Oops?" I sighed, clasping my hands together in my lap. "Look, I get it. I shocked you when I said that but if you want me to take it back then it's okay." I added quietly to myself, "No one ever did want me anyway." I did have my insecurities. Everyone had insecurities. They started around the time I first started to get bullied. That was when I was a goody-two-shoes. I remember a specific day that made me cry myself to sleep that night. It was one of the more cruel days.

"You're a fat ugly freak! Now I know why nobody likes you!" Conal jeered,laughing at me as I sat there, crying like the crybaby I was. I believed every word that him and everyone else said. I was a stupid, fat, ugly freak that nobody likes.

"This is why your dad left you! Your a disgrace to this world! Nobody wants you 'cause nobody loves fat people!" Cara taunted. That one stung. Yeah, the other comments and snide remarks were hurtful too, but they were just name calling. This made my heart feel like it was being smashed by a hammer. Piece by piece my heart fell apart, until, there was nothing left to smash.

I went home that night, pretending everything was okay. But, that same night, I cried myself to sleep. My head was killing me when I woke up, from all my crying. I couldn't dwell on it though, I had to get ready for school. Another day of being laughed at and bullied.

Unfortunately, I didn't say that last part to myself and they all heard me. They shot each other questioning glances but didn't say anything. Oliver was the first one to say something. "Right, a doctors coming to check on Milly so say your goodbyes and let's leave." I got confused by that, why would they have to leave cause a doctors coming?

"Why'd you guys need to leave?" I question them, curiosity coursing through my veins. They all just shift uncomfortably on their feet and look to the floor. I raise an eyebrow and tilt my head to the side. What's going on?

Luke cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck, looking as guilty as someone who just stole a babies lollipop. He laughed nervously, "Haha, well about that..."

"We kinda had to sneak in here since no one is allowed to visit you except from family." James finished off, giving me a sheepish grin. I just rolled my eyes at them, half impressed that they managed to sneak in undetected, half shocked that they done it just so they could see me.

I gave them a icy stare, putting my walls up, that I carefully made to stop the same mistake happening again. Trusting someone, then they break your heart.

Jonathan

I wonder if he knew I was here. Of course he wouldn't! He's in jail or maybe dead. But, there was something at the back of my brain was telling me that he was still here. That he was still coming for me.

Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. I was close to hyperventilating at this point. Panic was slowly but steadily creeping into my body. He could come for me right now. Any second now, he's going to come through that door and take me away. Fuck it. I couldn't breathe properly and my eyes were settled on the door, not moving. What if he did come in right now? Would he kill me? Or would he take me back 'home'?

I was freaking out by this point. All I could hear was my increasing heartbeat. The boys panicked voices were getting more and more distant until they all just became a jumbled up set of words, creating a buzzing noise in my brain. I was digging my nails into my palm, most likely drawing blood but I couldn't feel it. Black spots were dancing across my vision but that didn't stop me from thinking.

If he did take me back to my 'home', what would he do to me? Would he hit me, again? Or would he taunt me until I break and give him the reaction he wanted. Maybe he would ki-

I never did get to finish my thoughts, as blackness engulfed me, plunging me into unconsciousness...