The Aftermath

five

I sat at the breakfast table with my mom, waiting for Adrian to hurry his slow ass up.

"Are you sure you're okay to go to school?" She asked for the thousandth time, giving me a worried look.

"Yes mom, I'll be fine. I'll call you if something changes, I promise." I looked up as Adrian sleepily walked down the stairs. I held in a laugh at his bed hair, it being obvious that he hadn't bothered with a mirror this morning.

"Bye mom, love you." Adrian said as he kissed her on top of the head. We walked out the door and I finally said something about Adrian's hair.

"Ade do you own a brush?" I teased as I unlocked the car.

"Shut up Dan."

"Seriously though."

"Seriously shut up." he tried keeping a straight face as i side eyed him, but we both ended up bursting out in laughter. "To answer your question, yes, i own a brush. And yes, I used it. But my straightener broke and my hair hates me. So this is what I get." he motioned to the mess on his head. I snorted and started the car, turning the defrost on full blast, because the windshield was covered in ice. I reached into the pocket on the back of Adrian's seat, and pulled out my favorite beanie. I threw it at his face, and it landed on his lap. "Really?" he said in awe. I just pursed my lips. "Dan why are you being so nice?" He asked, slipping the simple black beanie over his head.

"What are you talking about, I've always been nice." Adrian snorted and got on his phone.

"Thanks."

I just glanced at him and started backing out of our driveway, a small smile forming on my lips.

~

By the time lunch came around I hadn't solved the dilemma in my head. For the past few weeks I'd been sitting with Phil, and occasionally Cami as well, when she decided to eat lunch. But I wasn't quite sure where I stood with either of them right now, so I had no idea where I was going to eat. I waited patiently in line, for once in my life not bothered by the slow moving progress. By the time I got my food and entered the cafeteria I hadn't made up my mind. I looked over at our table, seeing Both Phil and Cami talking casually, with bright smiles on their faces.

I stepped towards them, already figuring that i've been through enough embarrassment these last few weeks, so whatever happens happens.

"Hey." I said to Phil as I sat across from him. He gave me a forced smile. Cami on the other hand completely ignored my existence, which honestly didn't bother me too much. At least she wasn't swearing at me.

I ate in silence, with my head down. Neither of them tried to engage me in conversation, and I made no attempt. My heart, though, would flutter when Phil laughed and whenever he accidentally kicked my foot. He didn't apologize, but that's okay, it's not that big of a deal.

When the bell rang to go to class I inwardly groaned. This was the class I had with Cami, where we now sat right next to each other. I threw my tray away and walked slowly to class. She didn't walk with me, but I wasn't surprised. I could see her walking with Phil, still talking about the parties she went to over break. They turned the opposite direction of our class, and I felt myself feel less stressed already. Just being in their presence right now had me on edge.

"Good afternoon Dan, how are you feeling?" Mr. Griffin, my psychology teacher, asked when I walked in.

"I'm better." i replied bluntly, not in the mood to talk to another teacher about what happened.

"That's great. If you need anything, like to leave, or go to the nurse, don't bother asking, just go, okay?" He said kindly, patting my back. I nodded and thanked him, and preceded to lay my head on my desk, until I heard Cami sot down next to me.

"Dan?"

I looked up at her, trying to hide any and all emotions. "Yea?"

"Are you okay?" She asked, looking genuinely worried. I almost laughed, because 10 minutes ago she couldn't give a flying fuck.

"Yep. I'm just tired." I lied. The truth was that no, I wasn't okay. Physically or emotionally. My head was pounding and my ribs were aching, probably from the amount of activity i've done today. I felt physically drained and I'm sure that if I closed my eyes, i would pass out.

I was also confused. Phil still wasn't really talking to me, or making an effort to, even after he texted me. And now Cami seems all concerned about my well being. 

Cami looked at me, an unreadable expression on her face. "Why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Ask Phil to help get you off." I nearly choked on air.

"I..."

"He wasn't ready for that Dan. And now he feels like that's the only reason you keep him around. Because you want to get in his pants."

"Well I can assure both you and him, that that's not the case." I was getting pissed that she thought it was her place to talk to me about this. "I'm not that type of person." I shook my head before laying it back down on the desk, finished with this conversation.

Cami had other ideas. "If you're not that type of person, then why did you practically beg for it? You've know Phil for what, a month?! You're sick."

"Look. He could have said no at any point. I was not fucking forcing him to put my dick in his mouth. Yes, I feel bad for asking, now knowing that he wasn't ready, but it takes two to tango. I'm done feeling like shit because of this, im done taking all the blame. I like Phil, A lot. I would never intentionally hurt him."

"I don't believe you."

"What don't you believe?!" I asked incredulously. 

"You've hurt him intentionally before... What makes you think you won't do it again?" She says. Her words hurt almost as much as Shane's knife.

I grit my teeth. "I've apologized for that a million times. And I'll keep apologizing if that's what he wants. You don't think I hate myself everyday for what I used to do to Phil? You don't think that i wish that i could take back every harsh word i've ever spoken to him?"

"Used to do." she let out a loud laugh. "Dan you only stopped being an asshole to him a couple weeks ago. I think it's a bit early for the term, "used to" She rolled her eyes.

Seconds later the bell rang. And I sat there the rest of the class period, trying to hold back the tears that seem to never stop lately.

A/N

ugh ugh ugh Dan i love you so much, im sorry for putting you through this uGH.

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