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tw i guess. dan is a depressed little shit in this chapter
(spoiler) dan also gets severely hurt again, oopS. there will probs be blood

All weekend Adrian has been avoiding me, not that i dont think he should be. because he should. When my mom said he was a wreck, she meant that he was wrecking my room and everything i owned. I got home on friday night to see all my drawers on the floor, with clothes scattered everywhere. And multiple of  my knick knacks had been thrown against the wall, shattering into hundreds of pieces. The picture frame that held a picture of our family, had been replaced by a new picture with me cut out of it. That was the straw that did it. That was what broke me. I didn't raise my voice at him, or even look at him, I just turned away, and started cleaning. Mom told him to help me, but i shook my head and said "it's fine, I don't need his help." He walked away and slammed his door. Mom tried helping as well, but I just kindly told her no, that i could do it alone. She left without another word.

Now we're all sat at the dinner table on sunday night, everyone is talking but me. No one tries to engage me in the conversation, and i'm okay with that. I feel like if I opened my mouth, the tightness I've been feeling in my throat will release and i'll just start sobbing in front of everyone. I accidentally make eye contact with Adrian, and my chest tightens. He looked at me as if i was nothing. I was invisible. I see a single tear hit my plate of untouched food. i don't want to cry. don't cry dan. don't. i clear my throat to relieve the tension in it, and to compose myself. It doesn't work. I quietly get up from the table and go to my room. i hear my mom sigh, and my dad call my name, but i don't care.

I'm such a screw-up. I stare at my reflection, noticing how much my ribs stand out. even my own family hates me. I shake my head, trying to ignore the newly prevalent voice in my head.

they wouldn't be embarrassed by me if i had just died in the hospital. I choked at the saddening realization that my family was ashamed of me. Even though i was released, the entire town knows i was arrested, and knows that i was charged with attempted murder. I hear them talk about me as i pass by. Everyone thinks I'm dangerous, they're scared of me. I'm even scared of me. But for different reasons.

I'm scared of the voice telling me to end it. I'm scared of my brain that is actually considering it.

As if on cue, my phone rings from on my bed. I pick up, knowing it's Phil.

"Hey." I say trying to sound happy.

"Dan I'm bored. Can I come see you?" Phil asks.

I pause before answering "Actually, can i go to your place?"

"Why? I mean no you cant... my dad is home. But why can't I come over to your place?"

"Because I don't want to be here right now."

"Dan what's wrong?"

"i don't know Phil. I just feel like shit." I tell him, truthfully.

"We could go somewhere else? Where do you want to go?"  He suggests. I hear him shuffling around.

"Anywhere but here" i reply, holding back more tears. I hear Phil ask his parents something, then i hear his dad yell.

"Dan... i cant go anywhere, actually. But are you going to be okay if i hang up?" He asks, i can hear the worry in his voice.

"Yea, i'll be fine."

"I love you Dan. Please stay safe. See you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Phil, love you too" The line goes dead and i drop my phone back on my bed.

I decide to go for a walk, so I slip the nearest pair of shoes on and throw a hoodie over myself. I leave my phone, not worried about anyone trying to contact me.

I walk out the front door before my mom even finishes asking where I'm going.

I stuff my hands in my hoodie pocket and look at the road as I walk slowly, no destination in mind. I walk in the street, due to the fact that all the sidewalks are under construction.

1,2,3,4 ,5 I count my steps trying to forget the thoughts plaguing my mind. 6,7,8.... i don't see or hear the car barreling towards me soon enough. I have just enough time to close my eyes and hope for the best before the pain of a lifetime shoots through my body.

I don't feel being in the air, but I sure do feel hitting the ground, my head smacking the concrete. I watch, paralyzed in pain, as the car just drives off, ignoring the fact that they probably just killed someone. The only coherent thought I can process is, i cant even take ten steps away from my house before getting hit by a car.

i lay in the middle of the street, trying to move, but being unable to. i can't see because the blood from my head is taking over my eyes. I can't hear because the sound of my heart pumping more more blood is over powering my senses. I know i'm dying, again. but it all seems surreal. i feel every broken bone, every ruptured vein, every pounding in my head, but at the same time I feel nothing. I can't call for help, I'm trying to, but every time i open my mouth i  start coughing on blood.

1,2,3,,7, fuck... 4,5,6

"Dan?!" that's me, who's calling?
"Please no. Please don't let it be Dan." me.. that's me.. "Fuck.. Dan, no." shhhh don't cry, you're not the one who got hit by a car.

"Dan can you hear me?! MOM! DAD!" whoa,.... please don't yell, my head hurts.  "God dammit, you aren't gone 2 minutes and you get yourself hit by a fucking car." don't judge me. it's not my fault the sidewalks aren't walkable.

"Oh my god. Adrian go inside."

"No! I'm not leaving him!" again with the yelling guys.

"Adrian you need to go inside. Call 9-1-1. NOW. and get your father to bring a blanket." but i'm not cold.

"Dan, baby, can you hear me? You're going to be okay. Alright? Can you talk?" Out loud? no. that takes too much energy.

I try to make a noise to let this woman know that i can hear her, but I'm almost positive that nothing happened.

"Oh my god... please God, not again. Don't you dare take him from me again." on second thought that blanket would be great.

"Did you see who did this?"

"No, i sent Adrian out after him.. And i heard him scream for us. Oh god, why is there so much blood? " you're telling me. that shit's everywhere.

A mans voice was right beside my ear, it was the calmest of all the voices so far. "Dan hang in there, the ambulance is on it's way. if you're awake, i need you to open your eyes, can you do that for me?" i can fucking try,,, i guess.

I opened my eyes slowly, and somehow even that hurt. I groaned, the first noise i've made this entire time. I want to keep my eyes open like the man said, but my head hurts too badly. "No, stay awake Danny. C'mon." I look at the man, annoyed that he's telling me to stay awake. I would feel a lot better if i went to sleep.



sorry dan, idk why im always hurting u.

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