Cuts, Scars, and Harry Styles

eighteen

"Thanks for picking me up Zayn. We need to hang out more."

He smiled and it looked genuine besides the fact that it didn't reach his eyes.

"Yeah, I've heard you like vampires. Maybe we should go see Twilight."

I rolled my eyes and punched his arm, which he didn't even flinch at, damn him, and huffed out a laugh.

"Twilight seems different now though-" I stopped short as we pulled up to the boys' flat and suddenly my head was aching and I sunk in my seat.

"You coming?" Zayn asked, sounding confused as to why I wasn't taking my seat belt off or even making a move to get out.

"In a few years, when I get some courage." I spoke, and he chuckled, turning the car off and taking his own belt off, but staying put.

"It shouldn't be hard Elisabeth. He is just a little emotional and depressed and he will probably blame himself so really you should just kiss him and tell him to stop being a pussy and suck it up." Zayn spoke and I rolled my eyes at him.

"That would make it worse, you prick." I spoke, making Zayn snicker.

"Honestly though. I'm sure you'll do fine, love." he said, and I bit my lip.

"How does he look?" I asked, and Zayn sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Like shit, to be honest. He's been smoking and drinking again." he says, shaking his head.

My fingers fumble together on my lap, and Zayn gives me a soft smile. I can feel my nerves building. What if Harry yells at me? What if he hits me again? What if he doesn't want to see me? Where will I stay? What will I do, go back to my Dad's? I can feel bile rising in my throat just from the thought.

"Hey," Zayn says, gently placing a hand on my arm, "I can practically hear you over thinking this. Just don't think about it. You need him, he needs you. Hell, I think we all need you. We are all too attached to you already to let you go by without like, a home or anything." he says, and I nod gratefully.

Finally, I heave a sigh and got out of the car, slowly making my way to the door.

"I would like to enter the house sometime this year." he said, sarcasm lacing his tone and I smacked his chest, making him laugh again.

I could smell the faint smell of cigarettes as I walked through the front door and I frowned, grimacing at the gross stench and Zayn led us forward and into the living room.

I peered around the corner, deciding not to make my presence known yet. Nobody but Harry and now Zayn were in the room.

My chest tightened when I saw Harry, slouching on the couch with his head hanging low and a blanket around his shoulders.

Zayn lifted his chin and took the cigarette from the younger boys lips, putting it out in an ash tray.

"You can't smoke, Harry. It's bad for your asthma." he mumbled and I could see Harry's face and I frowned.

His face was pale and his curls were greasy and in a mop on his head. His dark green eyes were dull and blank, and his lips were in a straight line and looked a white colour.

Zayn sighed and stood up, pecking harry on his forehead briefly.

"You have a visitor, Harry."

Then he walked out of the room, giving me a look as he passed me. I slowly emerged from around the corner.

Harry's eyes didn't even flicker up to me, and he put his head in his hands, letting out a muffled sob.

I bit my lip and inched forward until I was in front of him. I sat on the couch next to him, and he just tensed up even more.

"I'm so sorry, so, so sorry." he mumbled between sobs. I bit my lip and he continued to cry until he was just making little sniffles and hiccups. He kept his head down, and I refrained from launching myself at him and kissing him breathless.

"I forgive you." I whispered, and finally he looked at me. His green eyes just a shade lighter from the red that surrounded them, and he wiped his tears. I felt like I hadn't seen him in ages.

"I didn't mean to." he whispered back and I nodded understandably.

"i know." I spoke, and his face crumbled again when his eyes caught sight of the bruises on my arm. He looked away from me and to the red carpet, stained with alcohol and cigarette ashes all around feet.

"I'm never going to forgive myself." he spoke lowly, voice cracking and I sighed.

"I know."

We sat in silence, Harry intensely watching the smoke rise from the cigarette Zayn had put out in the ash tray in front of him on the small table.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked with hesitation and I swallowed the lump in my throat as he looked at me, hope glistening in his eyes. He looked so sad and exhausted. I could see the dark blue circles under his eyes. I frowned, thinking it over. Did I want to kiss him? Yes, very much so. Did I want to get back in this spell with Harry?

I took a deep breath.

"Yes."

He very slowly inched forward, until our lips were half an inch apart.

"I love you so much it hurts." he whimpered and I inhaled a sharp breath.

"I know."

Finally our lips met, and it felt like forever since the last time we had kissed. I could feel the chappiness of them, and I could taste the alcohol and cigarettes on his breath. I tried not to think about how Harry made it taste good.

I sighed blissfully against his lips, before he suddenly pulled away, his green eyes finally shining again.

"I'm sorry. I'm apologizing early for the damage I'm going to do to Grimshaw the next time I see him."