The confusing boy who is called Matt.
Sunday of week 3:
Matt came over... We watched the hills have eyes. And snuggled.... Half way through he turned it off and said we had to talk. It was serious. I said let's finish the movie knowing very well that whatever matt had to say I didn't want to hear. He said no. Of corse. Otherwise I'd have nothing to upload about. So anyway. He started this speech lecture thing about how i have to be his one and only cause I'm the only one it feels right with. Sweet right? No! He is the fuck buddy. He's ruining my damn routine. He's ruining my life. We were perfect friends with benefits. Ones that lacked all emotion. I loved it. Now he "loves" me. I can't deal. The second part of his speech consisted of if we go through with dating then I have to knock all my bullshit off. Did he even ask me if I wanted him!?! No. I want him for my comfort. He was suppose to be the thing that would always stay the same. He was the one who taught me to get drunk when im sad. To get high to feel happy. And to have sex even if there's no connection. He taught me what reality is. And now he says theres a parrell universe where I don't need alcohol or drugs? I don't know what to choose I need him. He's my strength when I go crazy. The sain to my insane. But now ... He's taking away what I also need he's making me choose. And I don't want to. I don't even believe people get a second chance at love. I loved kole. Now I'm suppose to have another chance? I mean it's truely irony that the guy that gave me meth. The guy that introduced it says I can't have it. Like wtf is that suppose to mean. I don't know what to do!! Oh and did I mention he gave me a promise ring? Promising me forever. And he said he could even see him spending the rest of his life with me... Kole never said that. But that doesnt mean I believe matt either. What to do.. What to do.. HELP!
