A World Apart

Chapter XX, Amelia

I never thought that I would be scared of Dawson, he was always so gentle and kind. Now he knows who and what I truly am, he scares me.  

Maybe the boy I loved doesn't exist either.

Kriss's and Alex's parents managed to convince mom to stay long term here. Ashlynn is so happy, she wants to be here. I used to, now I'm not so sure. Dawson made it worth staying here, he made everything better. He cared enough to befriend a lonely new girl, now everything that made it worth staying has been taken from me.

Well not everything. I still have Kriss and Alex, my two best friends. Ashlynn is happy, which is all that I have hoped for for a long time. Mom can settle down and actually have a life, she deserves it more than anyone.

I avoid Dawson for weeks at school. He stares at me all the time, there is something in his eyes. Not hatred exactly, but he doesn't trust me. To him, I'm not the girl he fell in love with. She never existed in his mind. Everything we had, everything was destroyed all because of the stupid blessing given to my family. Some blessing, it ruined my family's life and destroyed too many others. 

I avoid the library, I know that Dawson might go there. I've taken to hanging out in the snowy courtyard outside the school. Kriss sometimes joins me, she says that I need company. She and Alex keep trying to get me to talk to Dawson but I don't want to and he obviously doesn't want to  go anywhere near me. 

They don't give up though, I can't thank them enough for that. But there is no chance of Dawson and I be together. He doesn't want me anymore, I am no longer the special girl who he fell in love with. 

It's getting towards Christmas, I was so excited a few weeks ago. I thought Christmas was going to be so fun, decorating, kissing Dawson under the mistletoe and having fun with Kriss and Alex. Now it seems like the last thing on mom's mind is decorating, Dawson seems never to want to be in the same room with me let alone kiss me ever again and I don't feel much like having fun.

I try to be cheerful for Ashlynn and my mother's sake. I smile and help Ashlynn decorate the house, we put up a Christmas tree and put holly all over the house. This is the first time we have actually decorated for Christmas.

I stare at the mistletoe that Ashlynn just hung from a door frame, I quickly look away before anyone notices me staring. 

Ashlynn grins at me, "Amelia, this year we can give each other real gifts! Not just easy to carry things." I smile back, "You bet, I already know what to get you." Ashlynn smiles. 

School for some reason took the time to decorate. I couldn't guess why, I mean we aren't even going to be here over Christmas but whatever. Every time I pass one of those damn bunches of mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, I glare at the stupid plant. I want to rip them all down and burn them in a huge bonfire.

Kriss has noticed and always looks sad when she sees my face. Dawson sometimes seems as though he wants to speak to me, he never does. 

I don't really want a Christmas this year.

"Okay." I look up when Alex sits down beside me, he looks frustrated. "What?" I ask. "I have had almost enough of this." He says, "You and Dawson are made for each other and whether you want to freakin' admit it or not you miss him and I know he misses you!" I shake my head. 

"Dawson doesn't miss me, he couldn't care less about me anymore. I'm a monster in his eyes now, I'm not even human." Alex is already shaking his head.

"How are the two of you so dense?" He wonders, "Look here, Dawson loves you. There is no freakin' way he could forget that a few minutes and you couldn't either. I want you both to smarten up and get back together!" I shake my head.

"If he still loves me than he can tell me himself, I love him. I don't need anyone to tell me that but he needs to let me know himself that I still matter to him and if I don't I could never hold that against him." I feel so defeated. I never knew that loosing someone could hurt so damn much. 

Alex sighs, "This sucks." He says and all I can do is say, "I know." Alex laughs and I can't help but feel a little better.

"Hey Alex?" I ask. "Yeah?" I have always wanted to ask him this, "If you are a child of water why are you only the fourth best swimmer on the swim team and why don't you ever will races?" Alex laughs. "Oh, I've gotten so good at pretending that I'm not as good a swimmer that it has become habit." I grin, "We will need to have a race sometime." Alex grins back, "You're on."

Christmas morning dawns bright and beautiful, I love the snow. It's so beautiful, I run downstairs and grab Ashlynn's hand and we run out into the snow, still in our pajama's. We don't care though, the snow is freezing but we can't help giggling and throwing the snow at each other.  

We got up at the normal time even though Ashlynn, mom and I know we could have slept in. Most people when they get up on Christmas morning want to open their presents right away but Ashlynn and I have the tradition of get soaked with snow then mom yells at us to get inside and not drip on the rug. 

So this year is no different, mom sticks her head out the door and yells, "Amelia Katarina! Ashlynn Katherine! Get your asses in the house this instant and don't you dare drip any of that snow on the rug!" Giggling, Ashlynn and I run back inside and head upstairs to get dressed and dried off.

Since we are staying here long term mom bought Ashlynn and I special outfits for Christmas, she said we needed to make up for all the Christmases that weren't so merry.

I chose a deep blood red dress that reaches my knees, is made of satin with a velvet corset lacing up the front, the skirt has layers so that it isn't stuck to my legs. I'm wearing gray ankle boots with zippers up each side. I braided my hair and pinned it up around my head.

Ashlynn chose a silver dress with lace over the skirt. She had me french braid her hair and my little sister looks like a goddess. 

Mom looks relieved that we aren't moving for a while, Ashlynn and I spent a ton of money to buy her this gold necklace. I really hope she likes it, cause I don't want to have wasted our money. But no, mom will love it.

I'm actually really excited about this Christmas now,  at first with everything that happened with Dawson I didn't really want a Christmas but now I'm really excited. Dawson made me feel at home here and I thought it would only be a little while but since we are staying I can find other thing to make me feel at home.

We send the morning making waffles for breakfast and dropping very subtle hints about what we got each other for Christmas. Finally we decide it's time to open gifts. I'm kind of nervous because I've never actually bought a Christmas gift for someone that didn't need to be easily movable.  

We kind of stare at each other both holding two gifts, for the other two in the room.

I decide to make the first move, "Here you go." I say and hand them their gifts. Then they hand out their gifts.

Mom gave me a new desk chair and Ashlynn gave me a new quilt for my bed. This has been without a doubt the best Christmas I've ever had. After lunch there is a knock on the door. I open it and come face to face with him.

Dawson.