Why Do I Deny...? (Austlan Cashby)

11

Austin's POV

We ended up in Alan's bunk and I flipped on a movie. Didn't know what it was, didn't really care either. All I cared about was making sure Alan was alright. He was curled into my side, his knees to his chest with his arms wrapped around them. I played with his hair and hummed softly to myself.

"Aust?" His voice sounded almost like that of a child.

"Yeah?"

"What did I do?"

"Alan, you didn't do anything. Absolutely nothing."

"Then why..." He turned towards me.

"I don't know. She's crazy not to want you."

Alan sat up, leaning against the walls of my bunk. I did the same, wrapping my arm around his shoulders. He put his head on my shoulder and let out a sigh.

"Maybe it's all my fault. I'm touring all the time. The band seems like my priority over her. I could've done so much better. I'm a shitty boyfr-"

"Stop. You did nothing wrong." I assured him. "You have the absolute coolest job in the world. You save lives by doing what you love. Anyone would kill to be you. You're living the dream, don't let some girl bring you down. You're the best person I know, Alan. If Maddie can't see that then she obviously isn't worth it."

"You really think so?" He asked, hope filling his eyes.

"I know so."

"Thank you." He said.

"For what?"

"Being you. Without you, I don't know where I would be." He admitted.

"I bet you'd be alright." I shrugged. Alan turned and faced me.

"No, I wouldn't. If not for you, I would've tried to drink my pain away. You keep me sane. I honestly don't know where I'd be right now of it wasn't for you."

Before I could process, I was leaning forward and connecting my lips to Alan's. He didn't react, so I pulled away instantly. He froze up.

"I-I'm uh... uh..." I got up, rushing from his bunk to my own.

I just really fucked up.

Alan's POV

Did he-? Did I-? Austin just kissed me. Austin. Carlile. Kissed. Me. That did not just happen. Oh god, I didn't kiss him back. He must think I hate him now. I'm such an idiot. I haven't moved. I screw everything up. I have to talk to Austin.

I pulled my curtain aside a little, poking my head out. Austin's curtain was closed. Should I-? No, I shouldn't bother him. I'll talk to him first thing tomorrow morning.

~

When I woke up the next morning, Austin's curtain was wide open. He wasn't in his bunk. He is an early riser.

"Anyone seen, Austin?" All three of the guys were sitting outn in the front lounge on their phones, something on tv playing in the background.

"Uh, he left about a half hour ago." Tino said.

"He said he wanted to be alone for awhile." Phil added.

"Oh, okay. Thanks. I'm gonna go hang out with tony or someone. I'll be back."

"Alan?" Aaron asked, causing me to stop dead in my tracks. "Is everything okay between you two?"

"Um, yeah. Everything's fine. Thanks." I said, stepping off the bus.

He wants to be alone for awhile? It's my fault, isn't it. Of course it is. God dammit. I have to find him, tell him that- that... I love him? That sounds absolutely crazy, but maybe it's true. I have to find him.

Where the fuck do I even start to look for him? The venue today's huge! I fumbled with my phone in my pocket, dialing Tony.

"Hey man, what's up!" Tony voice rang throuh the other end.

"Uh, hi. Have you seen Austin?" I asked.

"No, I haven't. What's wrong?"

"Nothing, thanks though. Bye." I hung up in frustration. I slammed my fist against the closet bus.

"Woah there tiger!" Someone said, Josh and Max from You Me At Six rounding the corner.

"Sorry." I said, realizing it was their bus. At least I didn't dent it.

"Everything alright?'' Max asked. I nodded.

"You guys seen Austin around?" They both shook thier heads. I sighed, "Thanks."

I asked the same thing to almost every person I saw for the next hour. None of them had a clue of where he was. At one point I tried calling him, getting his voicemail.

"Austin! Where the fuck are you? I have been searching for you for over an hour! Call me, text me, come find me. I need to talk to you."

Austin's POV

"-find me. I need to talk to you." Alan's voicemail ended. Oh god, he hates me. He really hates me. Why did I kiss him? Why am I such a fucking idiot?

I've been sitting up in a tree for almost three hours. Yes, a tree. I'm sitting high enough up that no one can see me. I can't avoid him forever. I have to play a show with him. I'm in the same band as him. Maybe he'll quit the band, because he won't want to be around me. The guys would hate me. I'd hate me. I do hate me.

I must've replayed that voicemail a hundred time in the next hour, I could recite it fowards and backwards. We go on really soon, I should go get ready. But I can't face him. I can't live with myself if I see him. I messed everything up with him.

It took me five minutes to talk myself into getting out of the that stupid tree, and another five to get down. I don't even know where I am.

I searched the venue for our stage, finding it only minutes before we were going on.

"Austin! Where the fuck have you been all day?" Aaron yelled at me, pulling me into a circle with the rest of the band. I made sure that I didn't even look at Alan.

"Let's just play an awesome show. All else gets put aside for now." Tino said, the five of us putting our hands in.

"1,2,3 ROCK AND ROLL!" We screamed, running out on stage.

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So, what do you guys think?

What song is the title from?

Will Alan and Austin figure things out?

I guess you'll just have to find out ;)

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