One Way Bridge

Chapter 1

"I'll see you tomorrow," I yelled to my friend as we parted ways in the parking lot. We had just been given our first place medals. Softball was now officially over for the year. Three teams and a lot of sore muscles later, I was done.

"Great catch, Emma!" a teammate yelled to me. It wasn't really that good, but I wasn't going to argue.

"Thanks," I replied and told them they had done well too, after all we were champs. Okay, we were tier four state champions, so we were technically the best of the worst, but hey, the medal said number one.

I jumped into my car, well my parents' car, and turned it on. One of my favorite songs was on the radio so I turned it up, rolled the windows down, and sped out of the parking lot. I sang along, cruising down the road. It was a nice Sunday afternoon. The temperature was in the seventies, a rarity for October in South Dakota.

I pulled into my driveway, waving at my next door neighbors who were sitting on their porch and turned down my radio. "Hey Jane, hi Greg!" I called over through my open window. "What's up?" I grabbed my bag from the passenger seat and jumped out of the car.

"Emma," Jane's face had fallen.

"What's wrong? What happened?" I began to worry.

"We got a call from your uncle."

"Is he alright? Which one?" I thought of my uncle Jim who was a cop. Surely he's fine. He lives in a small town where the most interesting thing that ever happens is him having to give the Heimlich to a choking old lady. My mind raced.

"Your uncle Jim, he's fine, your parents however were in a car accident." What? No, my parents are fine. By now they should be on their way home from dropping my brother off at college. In fact they should be close to home. "They were in a car accident and, I'm sorry Emma, they-they didn't make it." Greg just stood there, letting his wife tear my life apart. This had to be a joke.

"No," my voice was barely over a whisper. I ran to the garage. My mom's car was gone. "No!" my voice was louder this time. I ran into the house and up to my parents' room. The bed was made by mom every morning. The remote sat in the middle. I imagined her tossing it there on her way out the door this morning. I ran my hand over the smooth quilt.

"Emma," Jane's voice was a whisper but it shattered everything around me.

"Leave me alone!" I yelled.

"We'll be next door," Jane whispered again as she turned to leave. She may have lingered to watch me, but I ignored her if she did.

I went first into my mom's closet. I ran my hand through the clothes. At the way back, there were two white dresses. One was tiny compared to the other. The small one was mine. I wore it for my first communion. The second was my mom's wedding dress. In the hallway was a picture of her on her wedding day next to a picture of me at my first communion in the same pose. I smiled at the thought.

I went to my dad's closet and pulled down his fleece jacket. He always left it all over the house. Mom probably told him to put it away the day before. I took it with me to their bed and climbed onto it. I curled up in a ball in the middle clutching the jacket.

I waited for the tears to come. They didn't. I sat there at first feeling ridiculous that I wasn't crying and then I felt ridiculous for that thought. For the longest time, I laid there sobbing, but no tears came to my eyes. The thoughts were uncontrollable.

He was supposed to walk me down the aisle. My chest tightened.

Mom was supposed to help me pick out the perfect prom dress. My body shook with tears that wouldn't come.

Eventually the emptiness of the house began to press in on me until I felt as though I was drowning. I left the jacket on their bed and walked down the hall of photos to my own room.

I couldn't handle the walk down memory lane. I kept my eyes on the ground, afraid to look at my parents' smiling faces. At the end of the hall, I slammed my door and slumped against it. Clothes were scattered all over the floor. I was too lazy to fold them. I was supposed to clean my room that weekend, but that wouldn't get done, not without my mom there to make me do it. I screamed. Part of me couldn't believe this was all happening and the other part was mad that this was happening to me.

I pushed off the door and found my old back pack. I threw a pair of sweats and some other clothes into it. I went next door to the bathroom and grabbed my tooth brush and my hairbrush. At the last minute, I remembered something. I ran back into my room and looked in my closet. On the top shelf was my baby blanket and favorite stuffed animal. I took the soft dog and small blanket, shoving them both into my bag.

I didn't waste any more time, I ran back out of the house and walked across my yard to my neighbors' house. Jane wasn't outside and neither was Greg. I climbed the steps to their front porch and paused. I wanted to ask if I could spend the night, but at the same time, I didn't want her to think I needed to be soothed. But I needed to be with other people.

I rang the doorbell and it was only a minute before Jane was there.

"Jane," the tears began to fall. Her arms were around me in a second. Finally, I broke down. Jane pulled me through the door and I crumpled into a ball on the floor. The sobs began to overwhelm me.

Soon, Jane had me seated in her lap. I cried into her shoulder. I didn't care that I was making a fool of myself. I didn't care that the entire neighborhood might have heard my meltdown. All I cared about was being in a mom's arms and if I couldn't have my own, Jane would have to do. She didn't try to shush me; she just rocked me back and forth.

Between sobs I spoke. My voice was shaking. "Can-" I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, "Can I stay here tonight?"

"Of course," her hands brushed away the hair in my eyes. Jane didn't let me go until my body quit shaking and my breathing returned to normal.

When she did, I made my way upstairs to the guest bedroom. I dropped my things and sighed. My mind had been wiped clean from the tears and I couldn't afford to think about what was happening, what had happened. If I did, I would most likely break down again.

I hurried across the hall to the linen closet. Down the hall Juliette, Jane's older daughter, opened her bedroom door. Our eyes met for a brief moment. She froze. I turned away to grab a towel and when I turned back her door was closed.

I thought of all the summers I spent in this house playing with Juliette and her younger sister Dani. All those smiles and laughs and fun seemed so far away.

When I got in the bathroom, I locked the door and slid down it. My head was so busy going through so many things, I couldn't focus on any of them. I crawled across the floor to turn on the shower before pulling out my phone. I stared at it. These calls would make it real. First, I dialed my mom's number. I didn't go to the contact, instead I pushed the numbers in myself. I counted the rings hoping for an answer, but not expecting one. Eventually an automated voice told me I had reached her inbox. I waited to hear my mom's voice. I just wanted to hear her say her name. I couldn't remember the sound of her voice on my own. The tears rolled down my cheeks when I realized that I would never hear her voice again. I said her name over and over again in my head hoping to permanently brand her voice into my brain. 

Next I called my dad. The space between each ring was antagonizing. I just wanted to hear his voice. I struggled to calm my breathing. Silent sobs shook me. I repeated my dad's name in my head hoping to never forget the way his voice sounded, hoping to always be able to recall it when I needed my dad most.

I sat in silence after hanging up again. The tears ran down my cheeks and I tried to think of nothing, but then a name came to mind and I knew I couldn't wait any longer to call him.

"Emma!" His voice rang through the phone. He was worried, I could tell. He was also scared although he would never admit it.

"Alex," I didn't know what else to say.

Full Copyright 2016

Edited 6/11/2018