5SOS Imagines

Ashton Song Preference - "Last Kiss" by Taylor Swift

Author: Rhine

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I still remember the look on your face
Lit through the darkness at 1:58
The words you whispered
For just us to know

How does he look like in your memory?

Hair bronze in midnight with curls that brush your forehead, stubble that brushes your collarbones when he kisses your neck; eyes so bright and body sculpted by the shadows and moonlight.

You remember every inch, every second – you remember how the scar on his thumb scratches against your shoulder, how he breathes you in and exhales his love out into you again.

You remember every word, spoken, unspoken – how he says you're beautiful with long fingers that trace your jawline, how he whispers you are forever to me into the side of your neck with his body pressed up to yours.

You remember how he loved you.

You hold on to the memory, to the time when he still did – you remember because you couldn't bear to forget the moment when you felt like you were more than infinite in his arms, in his eyes, even when you're nothing in them now, nothing to him.

And if you can remember then you can pretend, you can pretend that his words are still yours to keep, that his love was still yours to have; you can pretend that your once upon a time ended with happily ever after and write yourself a better ending in the memories that you reply over and over again.

It was easier this way.

It was the only way.

Because you know you couldn't forget him, even if you tried.

Even if it was nothing for him to forget you.

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All I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss

And does he miss you, now that he's gone?

You think he missed you more when you were still here; I miss you dotting the end of every phone call from across the world, I miss you before he's even gone, I miss you when he comes back.

I miss you when you're right next to him, I miss you and he's still searching for the girl he thought he could love, I miss you and he realizes she's gone and all he has left is you.

And this whole entire time, you've always been something he missed.

Because there's always something missing when he kissed you; you never questioned why he asked so much about you – what's your favourite book what do you believe in – but he was always searching for you, always looking for someone inside of you that didn't exist.

So when he said I miss you, it means he misses the person he thought he fell in love with, it means he took a chance to shoot for something bigger with you and missed.

Does he miss you now?

Does he miss the person he got in place of the one he couldn't find, does he miss the girl that was a shooting star away from being what he wanted?

He's gone now; he left because he missed you too much when you were his.

He's done missing you now.

I'm sorry it had to come to this.

But you'll always miss him.

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So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe

And how strange it is, for something that used to be so close now be so far away.

And how sad it is, for something so dear to be so insignificant.

Not to me, not to me.

You still trace the smiles in the pictures with gentle fingers, you still wash his sweater with your two hands and cold water, you still read those journal entries that almost bleed love, you still listen to the songs he dedicated for you and you still hold on to pieces of the bronzed boy that once treated you like gold.

And what is it like, to want to be so close to someone that doesn't want you near?

What is it like, to remember someone that only wants to forget you?

Is it cliché to say heartbreaking?

Because that's the only word you can think of to describe how you can feel your heart shatter when you see how he lives each day without you.

When you see how much happier he is now that he doesn't have you.

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And I hope the sun shines
And it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you
You wish you had stayed

You might not have been what he wanted, but there must be something that kept him to you all this time.

And it might not be enough to have made him stay, but god, you hope he thinks back and just wonders if it could've been.

The autumn leaves and how you looked so good in red, the winter chill and the warmth of your lips, the sugar in his coffee and how you managed to make everything seem so sweet again; you hope his hands freeze and his eyes see you again, you hope he remembers you down to every little detail that he tried so hard to erase and long to recreate you again.

You hope he thinks of you and wishes he didn't walk away.

You know, you know that he won't come back again – you know he's moved on and that you should too, but you hope he pauses every now and then and remembers the path back to you again.

That your memory haunts him like his smile does to you, that his new girl finds a picture of you stashed in his notebook, that he can't bear himself to throw you away even though he tried to.

You hope a piece of him still loves you against every ounce of him that tries to point his heart the other way.

And it's love fractured, but it's still love all the same.

Right?

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