5SOS Imagines

Ashton Song Preference - "Say My Name" by Destiny's Child

Author: Rhine

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Say my name, say my name
When no one is around you
Say baby I love you

There's something about the way he says it – huskily, just for your ears to hear, bright, loud enough to attract the attention of everyone on the street – something about the way Ashton says your name that sounds like music to your ears.

And they always said that a person's name is the sweetest sound to their ears but even the very phrase falls short to the way Ashton says it, like a treasure in his lips, like a secret that's his, like it's the last thing he'll ever say and the only thing he ever means.

Maybe it's the way he looks at you when he says it; the stars in his eyes and the delicate touches that often accompany it, the way it sounds like an I love you wrapped with all the other things he adores about you.

All in a simple name.

Yours.

And maybe it's a little egotistical, but it's your favourite thing to hear when he speaks – just your name, just the comfort of knowing that he accepted you as his and his alone, just the sheer tenderness of the way it's whispered into your skin.

It's intimate and affectionate; it's yours and now it's his, too.

But it changes.

And underneath all the honey and sweetness of his voice, there's a bitter aftertaste.

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I am not one to sit around and be played
So prove yourself to me
I'm the girl that you claim

Suddenly the words don't feel the same.

The I love you, the you're the only – it's no different from the thousands of other times he's said them to you, but the meaning that was once there was replaced with a different one.

And you can't figure it out.

But you know that it's not right, that there's something he's trying to bury underneath the kisses, that there's something he's hiding in those once-innocently sweet words.

You're afraid to think the things you are – that the meaning of what he tells you are no longer the sweet messages, but that they're a diversion that he tries to hide with eyes that never linger on yours for too long in fear of showing the truth.

You don't like the way he doesn't look you in the eye anymore, how he doesn't say your name anymore.

Like he's afraid his secrets will spill through.

Like he's afraid he'll say the wrong one.

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I know you say that I am assuming things
Something's down, that's the way it seems
Shouldn't be no reason you're acting strange

Maybe you were jumping to conclusions.

Of course there has to be another reason why he's home later, why he never answers your questions with straight replies, why his smile is sawed in half as if he's given the other away to someone else –

You're not seeing all of him anymore, you don't have all of him anymore.

And you're afraid that he's given it away, that he didn't trust you – love you enough anymore to give himself to you.

It hardly seems fair when you've offered him everything there is to you.

You don't want to jump to things, you don't want to accuse him of anything – but you know this is more than just a bad day, more than a crappy week, more than just a bad bout of nasty moods that'll pass with time.

No, this is a change from what you've known, what you've come to know from Ashton.

You know that damn guilty glint in his eyes and you know the slightest waver in his voice when he lies, you know how he bites his lip when his mind is at war and you know something is wrong.

And you know it's something – someone – Ashton won't admit.

You don't know what's worse – seeing him suffer with the stain on his conscience every time he looks at you, or the pain that you feel when he tries to hold you right.

He slips every single time.

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Why can't you just tell the truth
If somebody's there, then tell me who

You wonder how long it'll take for him to tell you.

It's a silent competition, what will break first – the truth from his lies or your heart from his unfaithfulness.

You tell yourself you want to see how much you're worth to Ashton – see how goddamn long it'll take for the boy to tell you all of his stained deeds, to see when he'll care enough to hurt you with the final truth.

You refuse to admit that you're just not ready to let him go, not quite yet.

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Getting caught up in your game
When you cannot say my name

You miss it.

You miss the way his words use to feel like velvet and taste like honey, and the words themselves haven't changed but the situation has and now it's all knives and salt in your open wounds.

You watch him get tangled with all the lies he's buried himself in and words that he's too afraid to say – places he won't admit he's been to, names he might say wrong – and he's buried so deep in the mess he's spun himself that even your forgiveness can't save him now.

You know you can tell me anything, Ash.

You say the words just to hold him under the water just a little bit longer.

You watch him swallow hard, trying to refocus his gaze back onto your waiting eyes.

I know. I love you, babe.

Figures he'd try to claw at your cuts even as he drowns.

-

Why don't you say the things
You said to me yesterday

It's because he just doesn't love you anymore.

At least, not the same way.

His love for you is lost somewhere in the lies he's weaved; a cage too intricate, sealing him in.

Just once, he swore.

He's lost count now.

And he knew it was too late from the moment another's name graced his lips where yours used to lay.

Can you say my name, Ash? Please?

It's a strange request, but he fulfills it in a whisper, letting the word dissolve into the space between you and him.

He's careful to choose the right one.

You close your eyes and let the breath of his voice settle on your skin, but all you hear is I'm sorry where the I love you used to be.

It's all you needed to know.

It's the last thing you wanted to hear from his tainted lips.

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