Suicide Diaries

Chapter 6 - Day 11

Having three days off of school was really great. Three days that I didn't have to worry about the people at school, the goddamn teachers, or waking up at the crack of dawn's ass. My mom didn't even give a shit that I was suspended. She actually talked to me less, which I was greatful for.
     Kati is happy to see me when I walk into school in the morning. Monday. Woo freaking hoo. Now I have to face this entire week. Last week I went to school for two days. This week I have to face five.
     So it turns out I broke Aiden's nose. His perfect, tough-guy exterior is now momentarily shattered. But now all the girls are all over him, coddling him and trying to make him happy. It sickens me.
     This entire place sickens me.
     Some kid pushes past me, almost knocking me over. I yell something to him, and he replies with, "Oh shit, don't punch me!" Then he, along with a bunch of guys around him, laughs.
     Turning away from him, I scowl toward Kati. "I hate this fucking place," I mumble as I storm away. Kati follows me.
     Guess who I walk straight into.
     Steven.
     Fuck this.
     He says something to me, but I just walk around him. I hear him calling my name.
     Kati catches up to me, asking what's up with Steven.
     Even I don't fucking know.
     This dude comes out of nowhere and acts like my best friend. He's what the popular girls would fawn over. I'm sure he could get any girl he wants. Then why is he hanging around me? I swear to God this is all a joke, something Nick has set up to ruin my life even further. He's just that much of an asshole. I don't get what his motivation would be; I never did anything to him. He just likes to ruin my life. And he's enlisted some new kid from God-knows where to ruin it even more.
     Even more of a reason that I should kill myself.
     I run into the bathroom and lock myself in one of the stalls, unable to hold back any longer. Reaching into my back, I pull out a razor blade, lowering the side of my jeans and slicing my hip perfectly. Putting my jeans back into place, I feel the rough denim rubbing against the newly opened wound, bringing more blood to the surface. I wince at the pain, but I begin to embrace it.
     I come out of the stall, and Kati is leaning against one of the sinks. "Ready to get to class?" She asks. I nod, and we head out of the bathroom.

     "Psst, Autumn," I hear as a piece of paper hits the back of my head. "Autumn!" The voice is a whisper. It happens a few more times; my name is whispered and a paper hits the back of my head.
     After five minutes, I snap my head around, trying to look for the culprit. "Who the hell is calling me?" I snap, louder than I expected.
     "Excuse me, Ms. Evans, do you have something to share with the class?" Mr. Tall, my Geometry teacher, whose name completely does not fit him, says to me.
     "Some asshat is calling my name and throwing shit at me," I gesture towards the back of the classroom.
     "Ms. Evans, watch your language, please," he walks closer to me, going toward the back of the room. He proceeds to ask who exactly it was that was throwing things at me and calling my name. Nobody steps up to the plate.
     Then I realize who it is when I see someone crouching down slightly and chuckling.
     Steven.
     I stand up and point to him, "I know it was you, you asshole. What do you want from my life?"
     Before Steven could say anything, Mr. Tall intervenes, telling us to take it out of the classroom, and giving us a warning that we will get detention if it ever happens again. I fight Mr. Tall since I don't want to leave with Steven, but he pretty much threatens me into going out of the classroom. Reluctantly, I exit the classroom, Steven in tow.
     "What the hell do you want," I explode the second the classroom door is closed. He kind of just looks at me, smiling. "What are you doing?"
     "You're cute when you're mad," He smiles even larger.
     I turn around and start to storm away, groaning, "You're unbelievable."
     He grabs my hip to try to turn me around. I wince at his touch of my recently opened wound and end up turning around and hitting him. That hurt more than I expected it to, the denim pressing hard agains the cut. I could feel wetness; it's definitely bleeding again.
     "Don't do that!" I cry.
     "Do what?" He looks worried now. "Why did you wince?"
     He noticed. Shit. "I didn't," I counteract.
     "Yes, you did." He grabs my arm and pulls me closer to him. I wince again, having just cut there this morning. I try to pull my arm away from him. "You did it again." I keep trying to pull my arm away from him before he could pull up my sleeve. But he begins to, and he sees the few cuts I have closer to my hand. He looks at me in shock. "Autumn..." he starts.
     I yank my arm away. "Leave. Me. The. Fuck. Alone." And I storm away. He doesn't come after me.
**
I decide to skip lunch, reverting back to my previous ways, before Steven decided he was going to try to be my friend. He didn't even try to look for me, which I'm happy for. I don't want his sympathy. I also don't want him to have to deal with me. God only knows, he probably doesn't even want to be my friend anymore. No one wants to be friends with the "emo" girl.
     I spend most of the lunch period roaming the halls, by my locker, or in the bathroom. Eventually I end up in the library, blogging on one of the computers. I hear chuckles coming from the computer across from mine on the round table. Bella Torres and Kayla Spears are laughing and occasionally glancing at me. I glare at them, and they laugh harder. Kayla says something under her breath. Finally, after five minutes, I log out of my blog and shut down the computer, grabbing my books and leaving the library just as the bell rings.
     Before heading to my next class, I head to the bathroom, slicing through the skin on my lower stomach. I let the blood trickle down slowly and graze the denim on my jeans. Then I head to class, wishing I didn't have to.
     I bump into Kati on my way to class, telling her I am going to her house after school. I want to tell her about the Steven thing, and how my life may or may not be over. I know that is probably an exaggeration, but I don't know what Steven is capable of. Worst case scenerio, he tells a teacher or something and I have to get sent to the guidance office  for the rest of forever.
     And I'm labeled as the psycho emo girl.
     Maybe I am, though.

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