The Underground Idol

Leftovers

I thought it was a dream, but when I woke up to his scent I knew that it wasn't, that it had been real. That Hyuna was staying at his place.

I sigh and head over to where Jay, Loco, and Mino are sitting on the sofa watching a movie. Jay has a bag of ice pressed onto his head and his eyes are closed, it must be the hang over. "Hey noona." Mino says greeting me.

I take a seat besides Mino and pay attention to the movie they're watching. Jay gets up off the couch and heads over to the kitchen where he drinks a glass of water. It's extremely quiet compared to how things were yesterday. Simon climbs up the stairs with bags of food in his hands, "Alright I brought food for y'all." Jay takes a seat on the table and we all get up and head over to the table.

After we eat everyone else goes back to watching the movie but I head over to my room to grab a pill and give it to Jay whose still sitting at the table. "What happened to all the medicine I bought last time?" I ask.

He shrugs. "I don't remember." I sigh, Jay really did drink a lot, my mind flashes back to a drunk Zico and I wonder if Hyuna is taking care of him. Then I wonder if I should tell Jay about it but I think it's best if he doesn't find out.

"Jay, I think I'm gonna head home today." He removes the bag of ice from his head and stares at me shocked.

"Why? Are you not having a good time?" I shake my head, no. "Then what is it?"

I think back to what Hyuna said about how I always go to Jay for comfort whenever me and Zico have a fallout or doubts, I can't keep relying on Jay especially when I know how he feels..."My dad's gonna be coming back soon." I lie.

Loco shushes us and Jay gets up from the table and heads over to my room, I follow. I walk inside and he's siting on my bed, his eyes starring at the ground. "Do you not feel comfortable around us?"

I bite my bottom lip, I don't want to hurt his feelings. "Jay I think it's time I go back, I mean I can't hide here forever."

He struggles his eyes not leaving the ground, "I've had a lot of fun here with you guys, and I'll come by to visit but you honestly must have known I couldn't stay here forever."

He takes a deep breath. "I guess I was being delusional again, thinking I might have a chance this time." His words hit me like waves crashing into the sand. "I keep thinking maybe this time you'll really see my feelings..." He trails off.

"Jay your my friend, and I'll always be by your side as a friend-" He cuts me off when he stands, his chest rising up and down.

"Don't you see that I don't want to be your friend?" My eyes close. At this rate everything Hyuna said will come true, everything she told me that I refused to believe to let come true would and there was nothing I'd be able to do about it.

"You know how I felt from the beginning." I reply.

I feel his arms around me and then he's holding me against him, in a tight hug. My breath hitches and I loose my balance and hold onto him.

"Don't go back to him..."He pleads.

My hands subconsciously push him away causing him to fall back onto the bed. What little clothes I had, had been shoved into a bag which I grab and my keys and phone. "I'm going home." I say. I turn back to leave when Jay grabs my hand and spins me around, his smile gone, only a pained expression on his face.

"Let go." I wanted to sound angry but the pain in my voice was undeniably there. I hated this, I hated hurting people I cared about, I hated the fact that Zico still loved Hyuna and I hated her even more, but I couldn't show it, I couldn't show the pain, but what Jay saw was something else, something that even I couldn't hold in.

Yesterday was enough for me to be able to close the world in which Zico and I existed. Hyuna being with him was something that had hurt me so bad to the point where I walked myself back to AOMG wishing all the while that I'd get lost just so Zico would find me. And it hurt, it hurt seeing the person I loved, love someone else.

I felt like whatever part of Zico was leftover from Hyuna's damage was the part he gave me, only bits of it while she had the whole. I should've known from the way he acted with Jay, to how sudden our relationship took off, to the hurt in his eyes from whenever he'd talk about her that my Zico wasn't only mine, that I had a love that was shared.

I clung to Jay burying my face into his chest letting him hold me while I screamed whatever I felt into it. "I love him so much..." Jay's grip tightened as he heard what I had to say, what I fumed out. "Why can't he only love me?" My fist smacked against his chest as my voice broke, and I finally collapsed onto the ground not being able to hold the burden I carried any longer.

Jay kneeled in front of me, his eyes red. "Don't love someone like me." I told him. "You'll just end up like me." Jay knew that, he knew it yet he shook his head, not caring.

"This isn't me." He says. "I'm not the guy who brings comfort to girls who are heartbroken, I'm the guy who does the breaking...this isn't me..." His hands are at his sides, and he's angry. "Why'd you go see him? Why'd you go to him?"

My eyes widen, how did he know? "You should know by now who Hyuna is, why'd you have to go help someone who doesn't even care?"

This time I'm mad. "Jay he does care-"

He interrupts me. "Lie all you want...but if you go back, don't count on me this time..." His eyes are dead serious, each word cold and distant.

"Fine." I mumble. "I was always alone anyways." Pulling the door open, I see the guys run back to there seats on the couch and pretend to not have heard anything. Mino attempts to stop me but I'm too hurt and angry to even reply and just leave.

I don't know where I'm going or where to go but my eyes are so watery to the point where I can't even see anything that I have to stop, and that's when I realize that the tears are falling from my eyes. I grab the phone in attempt to call Zico but close it, when I realize that I no longer have a place to go to.

Neither Jay or Zico, for the first time in a long time, I truly am completely alone, with what little remains of my heart...