The Underground Idol

MAKE MAMMA PROUD

It feels like a dream.

A dream where I could come back home.

To a perfect family.

To a perfect life.

A perfect lie.

Throughout the dream I discovered how much I missed my old life. I missed the not so hard girl I used to be. The one that didn't reject everything and everyone. The girl who didn't hate everything that everyone around her loved.

I realize now that my mistakes lied within me. That I was the reason why I ended up living with my dad. My mother couldn't handle me, I couldn't handle me. My past lovers couldn't handle this mess, so my mom did what she did best and sent away what she couldn't control.

So that was how I ended up here because back home whether it was with words or fists I could never express myself or how I felt so I always relied on my temper. My temper which took over completely and had me shoving and pushing everyone I loved further and further away.

Not to mention the fact that I was hanging around the wrong people, doing all the wrong things with my life. I was drinking heavily, being thrown in and out of the ring since I boxed but it wasn't the legal kind. I was getting tatted and sleeping with guys who I barely knew.

Sure I looked normal, but the hoodies and sweat pants worked miracles and hid scars that I didn't want anyone to see. I didn't want anyone to see my mistakes and judge me for them because I regretted them enough myself.

As soon as my mom found out about what a mess I had become she had sent me away on a one way ticket to my father. He didn't ask why the reason was he just knew that it must have been serious since mom never spoke to him since they left each other and the fact that she had personally called him herself said a lot.

"What you do?" He asked.

I just shrugged. "Retaliated." I said with a sigh, as he loaded my bags into the trunk of the taxi.

He shook his head. "Well consider this your last stop of retaliation after this your on your own." I pressed my lips together and resisted the urge to yell at him that I had been on my own since I was 15 but there was no point. If my mom was a hard head my dad was worse.

So that was how I ended up here at 22 years old. Jobless, homeless, kicked out of college and my mothers life.

So after a while of being here I found out how boring my dads life was and how similar it was to mom's. He was never home and she wasn't either. The only difference was I was completely alone and had no one to talk to .

In order to build stamina and resist the urge to go insane I went for a daily jog each morning and practiced my boxing skills.

It had been a whole two weeks since the last incident that happened in the underground rap club. I was planning on going tonight just for the kicks of it and frankly I was growing really tired and frustrated of being home all the time.

Since no one was here to monitor me I might as well return to the lifestyle I had grown used to.

I passed a tattoo shop and made a quick return. Cleaning the sweat off my face, I entered the shop. I got a few odd looks from some of the guys sitting down at the shop waiting to get a tat of there own.

"Ya, look at this chick, pretty nice ass." They laughed as they said it. The best thing about Seoul was that the foreigners got treated as foreigner's and the Korean people thought all of us didn't know the language. I liked it though, the fact that I could respond in their same language and watch them freak out was a reward all on its own.

"Hi, what can I do for you miss." The guy with dreadlocks and very nice mustache asked in English. I smirk at him placing the palm of my hands against the glass where pipes are machinery for tat kits were sold.

"I wanted to get some work done." I say. "I want a piece running down the side of my thigh." I point to the direction of my body where I want it.

"You've had work done before?" He asks.

"Ya, but there kind of hidden under the hoodie and sweatpants." I point out. I lift the sleeve of my sweater. Exposing some of the tats I've had done.

"Wow these are beautiful." He compliments looking at the tats. "Can I ask who did these?" He points at the tats on the inside of my arm.

"Hannah Snowdon, the other one's I have are done by Rebecca Vincent." He smiles.

"I've only heard of Hannah because of the guy Oliver who she's married to." I shake my head acknowledging. "The dude packs some sick art, his music is amazing too."

"Yeah Bring me the Horizon is beast." He laughs along with me.

"Do you have in mind what you want?" He asks.

"Well I've always wanted to have something cool. Something that I've always liked. Do you think you can make a sketch of a dragon?"

He smiles. "Hell yeah I can." He takes out a sketch pad and a pen. "Come by tomorrow I'll have something done." He hands me a post it with an appointment on it. "Meet me here at this time." I take the post it and thank him. "The names Tiger."

"Thanks Tiger, I'm Esme." He smiles and stretches his hand which I shake.

"See you tomorrow." He says as I walk out the door of the shop. I give a wave as I leave the door.