rain pours and closet doors • River Phoenix

entry four

April 7th, 1988

vanished

I found myself unlikely to recover from such circumstances. She left, gone, vanished. Everything I had, taken with her. She left with me standing there, she kissed me as if that would cure the emotion that drilled through my sorrows. Our lips touching, reminding me of the visit to that vast beach, and how we could never do it again.

"See you when I turn 18." She announced through weeps, as she turned to disappear in that damn VW.

"I'll be waiting!" I called to her, she turned her head to look at me through the back window. A smile appeared on her red tear covered face.

I felt tears myself fall to my cheeks, and a thought pass through my head as I watch the car pull away down the street.

Will it ever end?

My thought consumed my curiosity. The apprehension traveling in circles around my brain.

I found myself walking to the pizza place, the dark hair of Mary and Pumacat sat over in a near booth.

I accompanied them, talking as if the sorrow that fulfilled me didn't even exist.

Was I not going to wait for her to return, and let it end?

Or was I going to proceed to follow my heart to wait, and keep the cycle of the never ending?

Mary's eyes locked with mine, and that's when I new, the answer to the question.