rain pours and closet doors • River Phoenix

affection and depression

River lied in his bed, remembering the first week of his stay here.

How he dreaded the rain and the old cabin houses. How he felt so uncomfortable when Saturn would speak with him.

Until he cried his mind to her that one day, and she held him in a hug right where he was laying.

He gently traced his finger along the sheets, and tears started to pile up in his eyes.

He was tired of crying, tired of mourning these past days, but that's all he's been able to do. His life is now a never ending cycle of weeps and depression.

The door opened slowly to his room, and Robs red bearded face appeared.

"Do you want to take your medicine now? Or what a little longer?" His voice was empty and weary, as if he was scared of something.

River could only nod his head.

He walked to him, and set his pills next to him on the nightstand, followed by a glass of water.

He sat on the end of the bed.

"I know I will never be the person Saturn was, but I'm here if you need to talk." He set his hand on his leg.

River just looked down at the sheets, fiddling with the cotton.

Rob sighed heavily, and got up from the bed, and disappeared behind the closed door.

River sat up slowly, and snatched the pills from the table and grimly threw them across the room. The sound of loud tapping scattered the floor as the antidepressants hit the wood appliances.

He sobbed, sitting in a slouch on the edge of the bed.

"Why did you have to go?" He yelled, his head snapping up at the ceiling.

He then felt the need to relax his feelings, he sat up from the bed and walked out the door. He headed for the kitchen, and grabbed a bottle of scotch from the fridge.

He opened the lid and tilted the burning liquid down his throat.

Rob watching from the hall, sad on his decision. He watched as Rivers weak frame stumbled out the front door.

He sighed.

River walked down the street to the hospital, he needed to see Saturn.

They hadn't held a funeral yet, so he assumed she'd still be in her hospital bed. But deep down he knew she wasn't there.

He gulped another swig of the alcohol.

He made his way down the small town and to the local hospital, he shoved open the doors, and passed right by the woman at the front desk.

"Sir! Sir! You can't go back there! Sir!" The woman yelled for him, she hopped from her chair and followed him as he walked down the lonesome hallway.

She sighed, he wasn't going to budge. She knew why he was here, he's done this mutable times. Just this time he was carrying a bottle of scotch. Which worried her. She watched from a distance as he staggered down the isle.

A glimpse of flaxen hair and a white lace dress caught his eye.

River slowly turned to the open door of a room.

There in his horror, lied Weather.

He felt his heart crumble, and his hands shake rapidly.

He let out a straggled moan, as he limped into the small room.

Weather watched the ceiling, her head killing her. She wished she would have noticed that damn car, this was a total waste of time. She could be spending it with River. And just like that, she noticed the flaxen hair and dark skin from the corner of her eye.

She smiled softly, as she turned her head slowly to him.

Her eyes widened at the sight she wished she hadn't saw.

He stood there at the front of the door. His hair was matted around his head, his eyes where blood shot and swollen, his lips where a shad of blue, his hands and his shoulders where shaking, his face was extremely pale, his eyes where rounded with dark circles, and worst of all, he held a half drunken scotch.

"What happened to you?"

They both said in unison.

River walked over to her, she noticed he walked like a drunk, and she hated it.

He stopped and sat in the seat next to her bed.

"River?" She said, her voice weak and shaky.

"Saturn is dead."

Her breath hitched.

"What," she said with shock.

"Died of a stroke, weird, huh?"

Weather stared at him.

"Seems that everyone is just dying on me." River said, looking into the top of the bottle, he moved it around, watching the dark brown liquor splash.

"I'm not dead." She said, reaching to put her hand on his face.

But it was his turn to flinch away.

She felt her heart crumble.

"You never know, Weather." He said, looking up from the bottle to her eyes.

"Don't say that. Don't ever say that River. I will never leave you, no matter how much danger ill be in, remember?" She said quickly, tears filling her eyes.

His lip quivered, as he sighed a shaky sigh.

She pressed her palm to his warm cheek.

"I love you." She said, tears spilling over her eyes.

"I'm not going to go, okay?"

He nodded, and leaned into her hand, tears fell from his eyes.