Orgasms

Thursday

I am very scared. I am about to kill my first child. My heart breaks at the thought, but this is for the best. I had always imagined that when I have children, I would protect them. Be there for them, love them, be their best friends, adore them. Like Papa and Mama are supposed to do. And now, my very own whom i'm supposed to protect....

''Lily, listen, you'll be fine. Yeah?'' Baloo comforts me softly. I can tell he is scared, but trying to keep cool. Tony eyes us as if we are annoying him. His bulging eyes menancingly twitchy. I have always thought him to have a sinister look. I'm sure he never blinks.
''Ok then. Go in, he says, urging me on. We are here.''
Yeah. Outside the hospital....

I feel incredibly groggy and emotional. I just don't want to get out of my room. And for some reason, my heart continues to break. My child! My child is gone! That could've been me....that could've been me....now he/she is gone. I had no chance. No choice. Will I ever forgive myself?
I hated having to hide the real reason why I went to that quack doctor. I just hope there won't be any side effects. I just hope I'll be ok. I hope this sick feeling will wear off soon.
''Lilian.''
''Mama?''
''Who else? She answered crossly and comes in. Seeing my pathetic state she immediately puts her arms akimbo on her hips not looking particularly concerned. Whats wrong with you?''
''I feel sick Mama.''
''Why? What hurts?''
''Stomach pains.''
''Ok. You are a woman. Stop acting like a baby.''
''Yes Mama. Did you want something?''
''I came to talk.''
''Now is not the best time.''
Ignoring my comment, she sits on the bed, slightly turned away from me.''
''Do you have a boyfriend Lilian?''
''...........what? Why?''
''You and that James boy are too close. If your father finds out he--''
''Baloo? He is not my boyfriend. We are friends. It is impossible to have a boyfriend whiles I have parents like you and Papa.'' I say angrily.
''Good. A woman must always protect her pride; she says as she finally looks at me and plays with my hair. You are young. I need you to protect our good name. Stay away from boys for a little longer my dear.''
Wow. The height of hypocrisy! You are a little late Ma!! Why is it these people always attempt to give their children 'the talk' when they are like 90?
''Ok.''
Mama kisses me lightly on the forehead. A soft wet kiss. ''Goodnight.''
''Ok.''