Weak Heart

Maybe this is finally Closure

A short flimsy man pointed to the carpet, addressing me to walk to it. I saw Alexa currently on it getting her photo taken with one of the co designers Marianna Maxwell. After they went to the next part of the carpet, I stepped on immediately getting directed and yelled at by the press and paparazzi taking photos.
"Look this way!"
"Hands on your hips!"
"Head up!"
I smiled for a second, then made my signature serious glare face that everyone thought was so attractive. I moved to the next part of the carpet the paparazzi were quiet, while I was to hold the new glass shoe up and show it off on the one and only red carpet. My hair was already annoying me, and feeling tightly sprayed down by hairspray. I walked off of the red carpet, being directed again to a stage with 5 Seats side by side. I was told to go sit in one of the chairs, so I did. After sitting there a few moments waving to fans in the audience and blowing kisses I was joined by the designers and producers of the shoe. Marianna Maxwell and Nathan Limestung sat beside of me. Now all we had to do was answer questions the fans asked. Many questions were thrown at my co workers - more like employees, but even more questions were thrown at me. After all, I was Lauren Jauregui.. That was kind of a big thing when it came to public events. One question always stuck out to me.

"What's your relationship status?" Someone from the crowd asked.

"Oh I'm single" I said and smiled. I looked over the crowd at the young fashionistas and the kids wanting to grow up and be me.. I was a role model. I saw many adults too.. Critics and over protective parents judging my every move. I scanned for familiar faces. And I saw Alexa and some other friends. I saw my sister Taylor with her boyfriend. I was glad to see her. I scanned the crowd some more. Then another question was for me. I looked at the person asking the question, they were right in front.

"What would you say is your go to style?" The younger girl asked. Still looking at her I started to answer.

"Well I would say my style frequently changes depending on where I'm going, how I'm feeling, and -- I stopped. The air became thin and I closed me eyes and opened them again quickly trying to erase who I thought I just saw. But I looked again, and she was still there. Without realizing it I had stopped my answer looking hazed and dizzy like I was about to pass out or choke on my words. I couldn't start talking again. Everything got quieter and darker and my head span. All because of who I saw in the crowd. Long silky brown hair, big dough brown eyes, distinctly shaped lips, and that body I could still feel holding me in the middle of the night. Camila Cabello. Even my mind had trouble thinking of her name. I snapped myself out of it as fast as I could, but still feeling sick and excited all at the same time. "And who I'm dressing for." I finished my answer. I saw my manager standing at the side of the stage, and I eyed him giving him that 'get me out of here' look. He then loudly called off the Q and A we were having.

After everyone had gotten up and left, I was still glued to my chair on that empty stage. I was still in a sort of shock.. Seeing her again for the first time in two and a half years.. She hadn't changed. She maybe had darker hair but other than that she hadn't changed one bit. She was just the way my mind remembered her. Just the way my heart remembered. Just seeing her face felt like my heart was being struck by lightening. It felt like all the heart break she caused me and all the happiness she gave me all at once. That was the first time I had experienced that feeling. And I didn't like it.. At all.  It felt like it hurt. And maybe that was my heart's way of closure. Maybe it was telling me that seeing her again just hurts more than there's hope for anything to ever happen. Because nothing was supposed to happen. But for some reason, it always just... Did. In the midst of my thoughts, something woke me from my day dream.

"Lauren" I heard an echoed voice from the back of the auditorium. I looked up a little startled. There I was surprised to see the tall thin figure with the long brown hair. It seemed like she was speed walking to the stage I was sitting on, and every step she became more visual.. More beautiful and familiar. I jumped up from my chair turning and gathering my purse and jacket, walking down the stairs off of the stage to meet Camila. "Lauren!" Camila said once again being a slight more vocal and excited. I smiled big.. Unsure of what to do or say.

"Camila!" I said In a pleasantly surprised tone, but I wasn't feeling so pleasant seeing her here. I just kept smiling waiting for her to say something, but she just did the same. She started intently at me, like she was more than happy to see me.

"It's been years.. I don't hardly know what to say Lauren! But wow what a turn out!" Camila expressed still smiling and acting all cheery.

"Yeah it's been such a long time! I've missed you Camila. It's good to finally see you again, and to make sure you're doing fine and happy." I said expecting that to be the final closure. There was no way Camila was getting back in my life. She was just a chapter in my book called life, and 10 chapters have passed since then.

"Lauren we absolutely have to catch up! We left things so unclear and scattered. How about cocktails on me? There is a bar around the corner you know" Camila laughed a bit. I almost wanted to tell myself that she couldn't drink because I always thought of her as smaller and younger.. But reality bit me hard when I came to the realization that Camila was 24 years old now. Unbelievable. I wanted to turn down her offer, but Honestly, I needed to know everything that happened. With her baby, her financial problems, Shawn.. I never got to take care of any of that for her. So what the hell. One last drink with Camila can't possibly hurt or change anything.

"Yes absolutely! I'm ready now, we can go in my car. Let's head out." I said smiling, then walking beside of Camila in complete silence. What was I about to do?