Weak Heart

A Night Out

"Alright ladies, we got some great shots of this setting. Lets move to the shower set." The director told us. As we got up and started to walk over to next set, Camila decided to try and start conversation.

"So.. this is interesting" she giggled. I didn't giggle back.

"Why did you kiss me?" I asked her like she had just broken my heart again. Like I was disappointed.

"For the pictures.. I told you I would commit to this. It's work.."

"Is that all?" I asked her.

"It felt right Lauren. Didn't it?" She avoided my question by half way answering it. I didn't want to answer her. I wanted this day to be over.

-
It was the next day after the photoshoot, and I had an extreme hangover that morning. I got into the shower. It reminded me of yesterday.. When we were in a shower together. We touched each other's bodies and she kissed me once again.. And again. I quickly washed and got out of the shower, then blow dried my silky black hair until it was the flowing volume that I loved it to be. I had to go back to work.. Which I will never look at it the same again. I left my face makeup less even though I know I would be stopped by the paparazzi again like almost every morning. It's like I'm half famous. I didn't care what I looked like because I was still in a dramatic state of shock. Camila was back into my life again and for some reason I couldn't comprehend that. I hated myself for letting her in again.. It's always something sexual right off the bat too. What if that's all I am to her? I didn't understand Camila. She needs you until she finds someone better, then once that better person leaves she comes back. But what if she's changed throughout the years? What if she grew up? But what if she hadn't?

-

I watched Camila as she powdered her slim cheeks with the rose colored blush. In my house. She put the makeup away and turned around to face me.

"I'm sorry I came over so unexpectedly. I needed something to do. So I figured why not see the most fun person I know?" She said almost frazzled.

"No it's fine.. Where are we going?" I was dressed in sweat pants and looked like I had spent all day in bed.

"Oh a friend of a friend is having a party.. I thought we would stop by. I'm in the mood to turn up, aren't you?"

"I guess.. I'll go get dressed." I said and walked out of the bathroom connected to my bedroom. I walked over to my closet, picking out a golden dress that was slight right down the middle, showing off cleavage and the top of my stomach. It would shine through a crowd. It will suffice. I put it on, then took a look at myself in the mirror. My hair was a wreck. I took it down from the messy bun it was in and shook it out. My hair had just gone from being a tangle mess to a somewhat messy but hot hairdo. I flipped it to one side like I always did, and I would have to admit I was pretty hot. I laughed to myself, then went to go apply some makeup before heading out.
-
"Camila.. This is the party?" I asked puzzled. We had basically walked into a lesbian bar with a dance floor from the looks of things.

"What can I say? I'm a sucker or these places."

"Right.." I had mumbled taking in my new surroundings. Camila sure had changed from the shy soon to be mother that I had known her to be, to a lesbian bar party type of girl. I was surprised. She didn't say anything back except to notify me that she was going to hit the dance floor. She didn't say anything about me joining her or getting her a drink, so I thought I would find a table.

I still sat at the distanced table in the back corner, checking my phone every 2 minutes to look at the time. It was late. 12:07, the clock read. I wanted to find Camila, but right as I got up I saw her making her way towards me. She had a tall fancy pink cup, that looked almost empty.
"There you are! Come on dance with me silly" She sounded as if I should already be out there dancing. Her posture and tone of voice already gave it away, she was drunk. As soon as I realized that I grabbed the cup out of her hand, not even needing to sip it because it was so strong.

"How many of these have you had?" I asked concerned.

"Who's keeping track anyways?" She responded wobbly, then let out an odd snort.

"Okay we're going home now. You've had enough fun for tonight." I said trying to grab her hand to guide her out of there, but she jerked away, and sat down at our table forcing me to sit down too.

"Do you ever feel ashamed of the past?" She randomly said sounding stern and curious, not giving me a chance to even answer. "Because I do. All the time. I always think to myself what ever started in life that made me so fucked up in the head." She let her arm slam against the table before continuing her unexpected speech. "Got pregnant, hurt people, got hurt, and so many more things that went on.. Just to lose everything in the end. And I'm always trying to take my mind off of the matter but for some reason it only makes me think about it harder. Life is a disappointment Lauren. And if that's the last advice I'll ever give I'll go to the grave saying it." She stared into my eyes for a quick moment, then broke the seriousness by asking for another drink.