blue || nate maloley fanfic(MAJOR EDITING)

29

Layla (unedited)

I woke up a little sore, a feeling I still haven't got use to and noticed my surroundings. I realized I was in Nate's room and looked to my left to see him sound asleep. I got up, walked over to the bathroom that connected to his bedroom and analyzed myself in the mirror.

I couldn't recognize myself.

I don't know who I am anymore.

I touched the bruises on my face and flinched to the sensation it gave me.

I don't feel like me.

I feel used.

I feel dirty.

I undressed myself leaving me in only my underwear and noticed how much my body has changed in the last month. Tears started to cascade down my cheeks as I felt a warm pair of arms wrap around me.

"Layla, please don't cry."

Nate.

"I don't feel like me, Nate." I unwrap his arms from my waist as I step back a little.

"That's understandable, Lay. You went something traumatic but you're going to make it worse if you push me away instead of letting me help you." He took a step closer and moved the hair out of my face.

I just looked at him, in his eyes and it brought me back to the day we first met at the airport...

"I want to show the people who didn't think I could rap how far I can actually make it. Show them that I'm serious." He fumbled with his hands as we waited for our flight to board.

"Don't do it for them, Nate. Do it for you."

"I want you in my life." He blurted.

I looked up at his dark brown eyes and got lost in them as he continued to apologize for his little out burst.

I shook my head, "No. It's okay. I feel the same way."

We had only been talking for a couple of hours and he'd already had a place in my heart as if he did this all of the time.

He looked at me with a smirk on his face, "Wow. You're already driving me nuts."

I looked at him in his eyes and realized that was my favorite feature on his.

They told a story.

One that needed to be heard.

One that I wasted be a part of...

"You're always helping me, Bubba." I looked down.

"Because it's something I want to do and have to do. You'd do the same lil mama."

I nodded my head.

"Get in front of me."

I walked right in front him and he faced me towards the mirror. I realized I was in my underwear the whole time and blushed.

"Tell me why you don't feel like you."

I huffed a deep breath, "How much weight I've lost, my bruises-"

"No. Knowing yourself is all within. Look into your own eyes baby girl and tell me why you don't feel like you."

I looked into my own eyes, "I have a constant battle with a voice in my head and I can never seem to quiet it or win. It makes me think of in ordinary thoughts like when I'm in public I think that everyone's plotting on me. I have no motivation in life anymore, I just feel numb. I use to be so optimistic and now I can't even get out of the house without thinking something is up from being closed in that apartment for a month. Nothing even interests me anymore. It's also really hard for me to show any emotion but my head is bubbled with all kinds of emotion. I'm trying to show emotion to you and I still feel disconnected."

Nate walked out of the bathroom, leaving me confused. Although he soon walked in with a sweatshirt, "Put this on."

I grabbed his sweatshirt and put it on.

"I want you to look at me and talk to me as if I were Noah."

I shook my head. "I can't."

He grabbed my waist, "And why not?"

"I wouldn't know how to start and what to say."

"Just try."

I looked up at Nate and took a long drag, "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Was it easy for you? To come to my home everyday and beat me until I couldn't get up? Or how about when you raped me?

Nate seemed like he didn't want me to continue but he just nodded his head for me to keep going.

"Noah my heart would race when I'd hear the key unlock the door. I was so afraid that one day I just wasn't going to come out alive," I started to shake. "You hurt me. You have caused me great pain and suffering and turmoil. You have wrecked so much in my life. You have caused me to lose part of myself. You have silenced me by being bigger, louder, stronger, more cruel, more of a liar, more sneaky, smarter, conniving, a trickster, and a con."

Both Nate and I had tears welling up in our eyes.

"But now I have to accept it. I have to live with it. I have to go on, regardless of your venum spewing tactics and your life draining ploys. There is no way to stop you. And you will never stop yourself, will you?"

I looked down,"I know some days I will forget about you entirely but I also know there will be days where your torment is all I think about."

I couldn't keep it in, my tears started rolling down yet again, "I hate you."

A/N:

I'm so sorry about the slow update I'm busy like 24/7 with school and work but I hope this made up for it!

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