Bad is an Understatement | ✓

Chapter 43: More Time

It's December thirtieth today. I drove for a while before I parked on the side of the highway, and decided that Heath and I both needed some rest.

I had remembered nothing from the night before. I don't remember having any nightmares or any knowledge of Heath knowing. I wasn't surprised when I find out. The same thing happened to me for a couple of months after Jack's death.

Me killing that guy just triggered everything again. It feels like I'm back where I had started. Weak and broken. Heath sees me and it's scaring me. I don't want his help. I have to do it on my own. I can't depend on someone, and then break again once they're gone. It's just not worth it.

I just have to pull myself together again, and just get out of this mess. I just wanna go back to campus, and sleep in my bed.

It's nine am, and I freshened up in the convenience store's washroom I drove to once I woke up. I don't know exactly where we are, but we should be in New York in an hour or two of driving from here. I'm currently in the store grabbing some milk to drink and mints for our breathes. Yeah, I know it's gross, but this is the next best thing.

After paying for the things, I head back to the car. On my way there I spot Heath standing outside of the car shirtless. I wonder what he has against shirts? I stand behind him as he stood with his arms resting on the car's roof. I clear my throat to get his attention.

He turns around obviously getting startled. "Oh." He says looking at me. I hand him a bottle of 'To Go' milk. "Thanks." He says.

"No problem." I state smiling. It felt really awkward exchanging just two words with him. What I didn't want to happened was exactly happening. He's treating me differently. He's treating me as if I'm broken. I don't want to be treated like that. It's constant reminder, and how will I ever move on, If his behaviour just keeps nagging at me.

He opens the cap and drinks the milk. I awkwardly stand there, and watch him do so. The sun was defining his abs so intensely my heart started to throb. I don't know what it is, but I feel so attracted to him. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. But he's Heath. The player. He doesn't stick with one girl. But people can change. Riley, he had sex with Kirsten on Christmas Eve. He's not going to change. I sigh. If we can't be more then friends then I really don't want my past ruining my friendship with him either. I sigh," Don't do this to me." My voice comes out shaky.

"Do what?" He asks his back towards me again.

"Treat me differently. I told you to forget." I state. I felt like my mind was going numb, and all I wanted to do was cry. Every mistake, torture, pain, feeling of sadness I've ever felt or had just wanted to burst out in a hurricane. But I knew better. Once a hurricane breaks out, it doesn't stop right away, and I can't handle that pain. Not right now. I have to stay on my game for the next few days.

He turns around to face me. His face full of shock and hurt. "How can you expect me to forget? I saw right through you from the day you came onto campus. And when I finally get close to figuring you out, how can you expect me to stop? Not everything happens you're way."

"I know it doesn't. I'm asking you to forget, because I won't be able to move on from whatever it is that's dragging me back to the past if you treat me like I'm broken. I don't know why you feel like you need to know, because we're just friends Heath. Nothing more. But sometimes less." I lightly say as I drop my head. I was too ashamed to look at his face. I knew what I just said was uncalled for, but I had to say it. If he can't stop caring about me on his own, then I need to push him to stop caring. Even if it means getting him to hate me.