Graceland: Family Affair

Chapter Forty

I've been in my room for forty-five minutes with my younger brothers and Mike. As soon as the confession had left Paul's mouth, I had bolted up the stairs with my tears falling freely. Mike had followed me, bringing my brothers with him and ushering them up to my room. And I'm glad he did – no child should have to sit and listen to Paul explain the truth to my parents. I can't even begin to imagine the conversation that has been going on downstairs. For the last half an hour, Mike took it upon himself to explain to my younger brothers what had happened.

"What did Paul mean?" Jackson had asked quietly, with him and Ethan sitting at the top of my bed. It broke my heart to see the sadness on the faces of my brothers, and it made me feel even worse knowing that it was my fault. If I had just kept my mouth shut, then none of this would have happened. I stood by my window, looking out at the ocean, unable to speak through my silent tears.

"Well..." Mike took a breath and perched himself on the bottom of my bed, facing my brothers concerned faces. Ethan sat, hugging his legs against his chest, and I wish that I could rewind time and take back what I had said. "Sometimes...uh..." He stops again, taking a moment to choose his words carefully. "...Sometimes people do things...and people make mistakes...and sometimes it gets out of hand..." He takes another moment to think – I really don't deserve someone as good as Mike. Not many boyfriends would volunteer to explain such a difficult thing to your younger brothers that he only just met earlier in the day. "...Your brother has...he's had to deal with some really hard things...some really serious things...and...he's been forced to do some things – some not-so-good things...and your brother has found...those things...really hard to let go of...But that doesn't mean that your brother is a bad guy...because he's a good guy..." He then turns to me and points to me and then to himself. "We're the good guys...we keep people safe...and Paul is still a good guy...he just hit a few bumps in the road...but he's better now...I promise...that stuff that you heard downstairs...that happened a long time ago..."

"So...Paul's not on drugs?" Jackson asks, marking the first time that the actual word 'drugs' has been said in this conversation. I guess Mike and I had been trying to avoid it.

"Jackson..." I look at him.

"What?! I can say the word – I do know what drugs are!" He says in a 'duh' kind of tone.

"Yeah, and I hope you'll never take them", I warn him as I sit myself on the bed beside Mike. "It's really dangerous stuff...please promise me that you'll never go near them..."

"I promise..." Jackson says quietly. Ethan just nods his head – I don't expect a seven-year old to understand all this, and considering Ethan's age, Mike did amazingly well to explain the situation without going into too much detail. "And...no...Paul's not on drugs anymore...He's all better now..." Mike leans over and puts his hand over mine. Jackson nods his head as if he's feels like he's been brought up-to-date on everything. We sit there in an awkward silence.

"...Can I go to the bathroom?" Ethan pipes up.

"Of course you can...I'll show you the way..." I smile, standing up from the bed and hold my hand out for my youngest brother to latch on to. "I'll be back in a few minutes", I whisper to Mike. "Will you be okay to wait with Jackson?"

"I think so", Mike smiles back and I leave the room, leading Ethan to the bathroom. Before letting go of Ethan's hand, I crouch down in front of him, looking him right in the eyes and I clutch both of his hands.

"Ethan...are you okay?" He nods his head quickly. "And you'd tell me if you weren't, wouldn't you?" He nods his head again.

"I can tell you anything", he smiles innocently before wrapping his arms around me and giving me a hug.

"I love you, Ethan", I sigh, shutting my eyes tightly as I try to savour this moment. I wish he would stay this way – little enough to give hugs like this and young enough to not fully understand dark and horrible grown-up things.

"I love you too!" He breaks away and looks me straight in the eyes. "You're the best sister ever! You're a better sister than Paul and Jackson..." He sighs before heading into the bathroom. He clearly doesn't understand the difference between brothers and sisters – according to my youngest brother, he has three older sisters, and the thought of this makes me giggle to myself. "Will you keep guard?" He turns around, asking a serious question.

"Always..." I ruffle his hair before he shuts the bathroom door.

As I stand outside the bathroom door waiting for Ethan, I hear Mike and Jackson's voices talking in my room. My ears prick up and I unintentionally begin to eavesdrop on their conversation. Through the small crack in the door to my bedroom, I see Mike and Jackson sitting side by side at the top of my bed, their backs resting against my headboard. The image makes me smile, the thought of my brother bonding with Mike warming my heart. It just seems so natural – so meant to be.

"You really like my sister, don't you?" Jackson lifts his head to look at Mike.

"What makes you say that?" Mike lets out a half-smile, trying to play dumb.

"Well, the stuff you've done for her – like phoning my parents, and getting us here, explaining all this to us for her –"

"That's just being a good friend –" Mike cuts in. I can picture him blushing and hanging his head in embarrassment.

"You went after her..." Jackson interrupts. There's a silence as Mike doesn't know what to say in answer to him. "She ran away, and you went after her...you don't do that for just anyone...I know I'm only fifteen, but I know enough to know that you don't go after just any girl..."

"Is it that obvious?" I imagine he's bashfully running his hand through his hair. Jackson doesn't answer, which makes me think he's just nodded his head. "I like your sister very much!" I can almost hear his dopey smile in his voice.

"Do you love her?" Jackson probes.

"...I do..." Mike answers sincerely.

"Does she love you?" Jackson asks seriously, getting straight to the point.

"...I think so..." He replies gently.

"Well, are you together?" Jackson's questions just keep coming. He's a persistent and determined little man, that's for sure. He could make a great Interrogation Officer one day. Mike takes a deep breath.

"Yes –"

"Why didn't she say anything?" Jackson interjects, not giving Mike time to finish. Ethan comes out of the bathroom.

"Let's go back!" Ethan announces. I grab him and cover his mouth, stopping him from running towards the room.

"Not yet...we need to be quiet", I whisper to him.

"Are we being spies?" Ethan tries to talk through my hand.

"Yes...super-secret spies..." I answer as I strain to listen to the rest of their conversation.

"She didn't say anything because no-one knows yet. Well, no, that's a lie. Johnny, Jakes and Charlie know...and I think your Mum might know –" Mike answers quickly as he tries to explain.

"Mum knows?!" Jackson exclaims.

"But your brother...Paul doesn't know! Which is why we're not saying anything. I think this would manage to tip Paul over the edge just now. So we're keeping it quiet for the time being...can you keep it a secret?"

"Yeah, I suppose so..." Jackson sighs.

"Thank you..."

"But if you hurt her –" Jackson starts to protectively threaten.

"I won't hurt her, I promise..."

"Because she's been hurt before...and that guy – James – was a complete jerk...I don't want her to get hurt again..." Jackson says sincerely.

"You have my word...I'll protect her...I love your sister more than anything..." Mike gently assures him.

"That's good to know", Jackson replies, shaking Mike's hand. "Because...I'd hate to have to kick your butt..." He laughs.