Secretly Loving You

Off to a rocky start

Seth woke the following morning and turned over, looking up at Dean who was already awake and sitting up against the headboard "Morning"

"Morning" Dean replied stiffly as he eyed the room service menu 

"Are you ok?" Seth asked 

"I'm fine" 

Seth knew Dean well enough to know when something was wrong with him "What's wrong Dean?"

"This doesn't have to be a big thing or anything" Dean mumbled "We can, you know, just keep it between the two of us"

"What?" Seth asked as he sat up ''Why are you backtracking all of a sudden. Did you mean anything you said last night or did you just want to get into my pants?''

"I meant what I said"

"Then what's the problem?" Seth questioned

"I'm just overwhelmed ok!. I never thought we'd actually get to this point, let alone end up having sex" Dean got off the bed and started gathering up his clothes

Seth watched as Dean got dressed "So are you trying to tell me that you've had feelings for me all this time and you've once never once thought about being intimate with me?"

"Sure, I've thought about it" Dean answered

"Then you must have known it would be a possibility?" Seth asked. He didn't mean to sound so insensitive but this was all starting to feel a little too much like rejection "What did you think was going to happen when you lifted me up and placed me on the bed?"

"I knew what was going to happen, i wanted it to happen" Dean admitted " but everything's happening so fast. I just need to get my head together"

"So we take it slow...move at a pace that you're comfortable with" Seth reasoned

Dean made his way over to Seth, kissing him softly "No..I just need some time to think. Alone. Just for a while, can you do that for me?"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Weeks passed and Seth had been patient but he was beginning to get frustrated. Dean treated Seth like a brother around other people and then he'd stay the night in Seth's hotel room and they'd end up having sex, only for Seth to wake up alone. Seth was slowly starting to lose hope that he and Dean could ever have a relationship beyond friends and he began to wonder where Dean went at night instead of staying with him.

* * *
Seth

I felt the mattress dip and knew Dean was about to leave again, I peaked at him from behind my eyelids and watched as he quickly threw on some clothes and left the room, not even bothering to look back at me before he left. I gave it a couple of minutes and then I followed him, making sure to stay far enough behind him so that he didn't spot me. He was heading for the hotel bar and I watched as he ordered a couple of drinks. I was just beginning to wonder why he didn't just order room service when I got my answer. His ex arrived, smiling as he greeted her with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I didn't stay long after that as I felt tears welling up in my eyes. 

A few hours later Dean returned and I confronted him "Where did you go?" 

I already knew the answer but I was expecting him to lie in order to cover up the fact that he was with his ex.

"I just had a few drinks at the bar" Dean replied 

''So you didn't meet up with anyone then?'' I wanted to hear him say it

''What?'' Dean asked as he looked at me suspiciously

''I followed you and i saw you with your ex''

Dean's facial expression was a mixture of shock and annoyance but I was too angry to care

"You followed me?''

''Yeah I followed you but do you blame me?" I replied "Night after night you disappear for hours, come back and then you're gone again by morning. What did you expect me to do?"

''Ok so I was with my ex!'' Dean admitted "Happy now?"

''Why would i be happy?'' I questioned ''Do you have any idea how that made me feel?"

''Seth-''

''No!'' I continued "I've been patient. I've waited for you, I've kept what we have a secret and gritted my teeth while you treated me like your brother in front of everyone..."

"Seth please just-"

I felt so hurt and so frustrated. I had trusted Dean with two major secrets since i met him in and i thought that i could trust him with my heart too but he was slowly breaking it

"You know what i deserve better. We're done. Get out and don't bother coming back this time'' 

I cried when he left, I cried until I fell asleep